There was this one episode of the Brady Bunch where Tiger, the dog, takes the kids’ (and Alice’s) stuff and hides everything in his doghouse. I think my daughter saw that episode.
Yesterday while washing the dishes a spider appeared out of nowhere on the kitchen counter and then Para jumped towards the family room (I’m convinced this spider was born from toxic chemicals from under the sink because he was the size of a cat and had human hair). After I screamed like a girl I grabbed a nearby shoe to smash it back to toxic hell. I eventually followed it to the family room (about a 15 mile run for spiders) and it ran under the couch. Once I took care of business my wife noticed something odd. Not the human eye the spider had or the scream it let out, but rather a lot of stuff that we had thought lost or accidentally threw away hidden under the couch. Books, cards, keys, etc. all pushed under the couch by our daughter. What I don’t get, how could we have not seen this? She’s never really alone (or is she?)
I’m not sure if I like this. What happens if she gets really good at hiding stuff? What kind of stuff will she be hiding when she’s a teen? Booze, Boys, Crack, Kevin Costner videos? I draw the line at Kevin Costner!! (No daughter of mine…)
I forgot what the Brady’s did to make Tiger stop. Maybe, if they had the choice, they would have played more Baby Einstein? Or maybe there are some subliminal messages in those videos telling toddlers to find all mommy and daddy’s valuables and send them to Cuba.
I"m sure the Brady's bit the ever living shit out of Tiger.. or else had a family meeting and talked to the poor doggie to death.
ReplyDeleteWell, since you and the wife have actually found your stuff, do you want to come to my house and help look for ours? There are quite a few things still missing in my house that I would like back.
ReplyDeleteHa! You got it sooo wrong! I have the imps begging to turn over the sofas and pick up the items underneath, just so they can vacuum. Yes, I have them begging to vacuum. But only when they can turn everything upside down to do it...
ReplyDeletePerhaps I still need to tweak my 'solutions' a bit...
Good lord, the crap under our couches is only one of the multiple horrors I'm in denial about these days.
ReplyDeleteAnd we had a cricket in our house recently that must have been related to that spider. It had stripes, and some extra legs, and it exploded with a loud pop.
mrsmogul - yes, my wife screams like a girl too (because she is) and then laughs at me.
ReplyDeleteKristen - A friend recently gave me a really good explanation about these recent mutant bugs- "they're all radiation products of global warming". The next time that cricket pops, it'll be followed by FIRE! and Lethal Gas!! :)
dennis -begging to vacuum? How does one do this...