My daughter has been very inquisitive these days - she's always asking me questions such as “What are you doing Dad-DEE?”, “What’s that Dad-DEE?” It’s almost like having my own Cousin Balki. A few of my recent favorites:
Daughter: (pointing to the evening sky) What’s that, Dad-DEE?
Me: That’s a star. And it’s not in rehab
Daughter: A TAR!?! (excited)
Daughter: (pointing to a person) What’s that, Dad-DEE?
Me: That’s a man wearing a dress, you can tell because he has an Adams apple and mustache.
Daughter: A MUSTACHE!? (excited)
Daughter: (pointing to Christmas decorations at the mall - in October!!) What’s that, Dad-DEE?
Me: That’s Santa Claus. He brings presents on Christmas for everybody that goes pee-pee and poopy on the potty
Daughter: PRESS-ANTS!? (excited)
Daughter: What are you doing Dad-DEE? (playing this new Pirates game on the computer)
Me: If mommy asks, I’m paying bills
Daughter: BILLS!? (excited)
Daughter: What are you doing Dad-DEE? (honking the horn at some car that almost hit me)
Me: I’m honking the horn at that lady because she’s on crack!
Daughter: CRACK?
If she starts telling people they’re on crack the wife is going to shoot me…(again)
how about if she explains how she can tell which people are crossdressing? although really, I think that is truly a life skill.
ReplyDeleteI've already shot my hubby numerous times. Let me see - when he taught my kids that some women are "hotties." Yeah, that one goes over like a fart in church.
ReplyDeleteNice one about the Santa-potty-presents. Let me know how it works out.
ReplyDeleteHa. Just wait, it gets worse when they start understanding and repeating stuff... Then you have to worry about what they tell the daycare staff after you've said soemthing sarcastic that would sound bad out of context!
ReplyDeleteWow, Cousin Balki! You reached way back there for that one.
ReplyDeleteCrack ain't so bad. My son imitates my driving technique by hitting the horn and yelling "what the f__k!".
ReplyDeletebe warned she's already got you fooled into underestimating her. trust me she understood (and can probably repeat everything word for word that you just said) she'll wait to use this skill at the most opportune moment; usually around inlaws and law enforcement. Not that I'd know anything about that....
ReplyDeleteMy husband thought it would be cute to teach my daughter 'hot mama' instead of just mommy.
ReplyDeleteHe got shot.
I like how you're honest with her. :o)
ReplyDeleteArwen & MamaLee -- yes, I've been shot a few times for that too.
ReplyDeletemama speak -- law enforcement?! Now you're scaring me and it isn't even Halloween
Denguy -- Hey, any opportunity I get, I'm injecting a potty reference. Ever little bit counts
painted maypole -- the dude looked like a clown. I think all the kids were pointing at it
At least you didn't teach her how to flip people off, like my husband does in the car with the kids.
ReplyDeleteI was going to make a crack baby joke, but it's late and nothing sounded nice.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure she'll say something funnier anyway.
Just wait til she starts telling people THEY are on crack. I know this from experience. OH, and I do like the way you tried to passively tell her about Santa. Well done, dad!
ReplyDeleteThey only repeat things when it's really important...like in front of the neighbors or the teacher.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you how many things the kids have repeated.
ReplyDeleteWell, at least she is paying attention to you. Just wait. A few years from now, you'll be the one asking the questions, and she'll be the one giving you one-word answers (hopefully without the word "crack" in them).
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the excitement while you can.
kellyo75 -- I think she may! If I think somebody is crazy, I blame crack. Maybe she'll stay away from drugs? And use the potty.
ReplyDeletecarrie -- So when some car cuts your husband off do your kids stick their hands out the window??
Oh, repeat she will, and the most opportune of times (when you least expect it)... you are soliving on borrowed time!!!
ReplyDeleteI sometimes get a chorus of 'Crap' from the backseat when a lady on crack cuts me off and I know I do not say that word in traffic...
ReplyDeleteYou and my husband should never get together in a car with children.
ReplyDeleteI love the cross dressing one. That would be a good skill to have because often times I am not quite sure if the person is a man or a woman.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of the quesiton, "Mom, what does GAY mean?" It means he's happy. "I think it means something else."
ReplyDeleteDoes she ask "who farted?" since my Sophia does that all the time and then she points to herself saying "fia did!" and laughed excitedly. That's my girl!
ReplyDeleteOr does she ask "where's the 'bucket' Dad-DEE?"
wayabetty -- Actually we called the bucket "the colonel's finest".
ReplyDeletejeneflower -- OK. I promise.
dennis -- A chorus? I'm impressed!
Son: Why is that lady throwing trash on the street?
ReplyDeleteMe: I don't know. Because she is an asshole litterbug?
Son: Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole! Asshole! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!!!!
Sorry, dude. I can't even begin to comment anything intelligible. I'm too weirded out by the photo accompanying this post. What the fuck is that thing?
ReplyDeleteOh that's hilarious!
ReplyDeleteMy 7 yr old came home and told me that the school counselor, who kept hounding him and overpicking his brain, was out of her mind.
Thank god he didn't say that to her, though I would have stood behind him if he did. Because she is out of her mind.
Isn't it a great time in their lives when Daddy knows the answer to everything?
ReplyDeleteSarah, Goon Squad Sarah -- Oh man, that's funny and wrong...
ReplyDeleteMetroDad -- Sorry, that's me last week when I was Hawaii. By the way, I got breasts too.
Dad Stuff -- Absolutely! And I've got plenty of answers too
I tend to give incorrect answers to The Champ while driving also.
ReplyDeleteThis is so funny :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's time to teach her that Britney Spears is the #1 role model because Britney has all the new words your daughter just learnt: Tar, Mustache (but without knickers), Press-Ants, Bills (for rehab and lawyers), and CRACK!
AGAIN?
ReplyDeletemoe "simon metz" berg -- yes, I've been shot by her many, many times.
ReplyDeleteAbove Average Joe -- the difference is my answers are 100% correct
Love it.
ReplyDeleteSounds like the conversations we have around here, ( although our excited replies always contain both a question and exclaimation mark, like in ValleySpeak ?! )
Cousin Balkie was cool.
I miss him.
And then we wonder why they say crazy things and who's been teaching them to them!? LOL
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh. Your post actually reminded me of a radio show I listened to this week on This American Life called "How to Talk to Kids."
ReplyDeletehttp://thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=341
That was too funny. I wonder how many not-so-good words kids learn from sitting in the car while we drive.
ReplyDeleteI am often told, "Mom... that's not very nice." :)
I've tried just about everything to get my son to be interested in potty training, but haven't tried the Santa thing yet. . .hmmmmmmm. . .
ReplyDeleteFairly Odd Mother -- Anything to help the cause.
ReplyDeleteLisa -- Totally. If the kids say weird things then the parents must be weird.
Love your blog! We started potty training this last week. I wasn't ready but she was. All I can say is it has been much harder on me than it has her. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteJust have to add that the last word verification to comment was: ibpnqe... get it... I be peein' How weird is that???
ReplyDeleteHave I ever told you that my husband thought it would be funny to tell a 11 year old child of a friend to ask for a crack pipe for Christmas?
ReplyDeleteyeah, our 5 yo calls people 'crackheads' for fun. my hubs got shot.
ReplyDeletemegachick &aimee / greeblemonkey said... -- In there defense, the word "crack" goes with everything.
ReplyDelete