Meet Captain HippoAnd now she's been talking about him all week. So much that I've decided to write his biography. Unauthorized of course, because from what I'm told he doesn't want to talk to me.
Captain Hippo: An Unauthorized Biography
Captain Hippo was born to wolves and ninja’s in the jungles of Pottery Barn Kids and then later reared by Nuns with special superhuman powers, such as cooking and pooping on the potty.
He was later discovered by Mickey Mouse and Anthony from the Wiggles and invited to take dance lessons, on my birthday, at Disneyland. That’s where he met Snow White. The comedy group became really good friends and toured the world together on the Doodlebop’s bus to dance with ballerinas. These ballerina’s enjoy smoothies, green beans, and chicken from old McDonald’s, and DO NOT go poo-pee and pee-pee on the potty, ever.
Captain Hippos’ distinct features:
-He’s a girl
-And a Ballerina
-Wears a Pink cape
-Cowboy boots - sparkly pink
-Is a Scientologist and helps people in accidents
-Only wears a hat when it’s not raining
-Is big, but can be tiny to fit in your pocket
-Eat’s grass and on occasion, toes
-Puts his poo-pee in his shoes
He now lives in a small closet in my house. And the shoes in there will be immediately removed.
Hahaha. Very cute. The girls once had an imaginary friend, Mr. No-No. Mr. No-No got the blame for alot of incidents at the house that year.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason imaginary friends never really showed up at our house. Sounds like Captain Hippo sure leads a glamourous life.
ReplyDeleteThe Fact that "HE's a Girl" cracked me up.
ReplyDeleteImaginary friends are the best. I had one, Punkin! Then I got 3 brothers! I think Captain Hippo sounds like a wonderful friend.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a fun addition to your family.
ReplyDeleteI'm concerned about all that poop in the shoes in your closet.
ReplyDeleteThat's so funny. I bet you never thought your daughter would be friends with a transgender hippo.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'd check my shoes before slipping putting them on.
Married to Katie??? Hey, I think I know that Hippo... did he (she) also do a crazy Scientology video too??
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! Mad Libs meets everyday life!
ReplyDeleteThis post even cracked up Mr. Lemony.
I find I have a deep love for Captain Hippo.
ReplyDeleteNew York Times Bestseller!!!
ReplyDeleteSo what happens if the he/she doesn't have a shoe to go in? I'm just saying...
ReplyDeleteTom Cruise lives in your closet? Terrifying, I thought this would be a fmaily oriented story, not a nightmare.
ReplyDeleteMy Aunt Marsha had an imaginary friend named Tiger when she was about your daughter's age. At the young age of 5 she arrived in my grandmother's kitchen and announced that Tiger wouldn't be around any longer. When my grandmother asked what happened to
ReplyDeleteTiger Marsha replied: "I took him to the lake and drowned him."
Honest to God it's a true story! Just don't tell the editors of Golf Magazine.
Excellent story. If it weren't for all the copyrights, trademarks and publicity rights you violated you could publish it.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't get his chicken from KFC?
ReplyDeleteThat shoe-pooping bastard.
Sweetie, honey, poor, pitiful, chicken-loving, freak. Let's relax about the pooping on the potty. It will happen when it happens. Deep cleansing breaths. Do it with me. Iiiiinnnnn. Ooooouuutttt. Iiiiiinnnnn. Oooooouuuuutt.
ReplyDeleteFeel better? No? Go to KFC.
Captain Hippo's placing of feces in shoes suggests libidinal confusion.
ReplyDeleteHee! OF COURSE Captain Hippo's a Scientologist! HA! Too funny.
ReplyDeleteThe chicken at the new McDonald's has got nothing on the old one. Glad Hippo knows this.
ReplyDeleteCoal Miner's Granddaughter -- I don't know. That's like asking me to give up the colonel's spicy chicken...
ReplyDeleteBen & Bennie -- Ben, are you sure that wasn't you?
mama speak -- Good question...maybe I should install a toilet in there and leave some magazine's.
Maureen -- Captain Hippo was playing the guitar solo.
love it!!!
ReplyDeleteha ha ha ha ha ha
ReplyDeleteCould you ask the Hippo where he got those sparkly pink cowboy boots? Cuz I'm thinking I could rock a pair of those...
ReplyDeleteThat is so great! You have a creative daughter!
ReplyDeleteummm, I'm afraid to ask, but....what are the magazines for?
ReplyDeleteI never had one despite being an only child and neither did my boys - were we deprived?
ReplyDeleteOur imaginary friend goes to the potty, so perhaps I should send him over.
ReplyDeleteIt's lucky we have two potties actually, as my husband wasn't allowed in the main bathroom recently, as ourt imaginary friend was using the facilities.
Dad had to pee elsewhere, and not on our friend.
Ha this is funny :)
ReplyDelete(I'm going to steal your Captain Hippo - ehehe, evil smile)
The Real Mother Hen -- Sure, but be sure you look in your shoes before putting them on.
ReplyDeletemama speak -- to pass the time in case he eats spicy food.
Redneck Mommy -- I asked my daughter, she said he got the boots from a duck.
Nice to know that my daughter isn't the only one who brings poop into everything.
ReplyDeleteCapt. Hippo! LOVE IT!
ReplyDeleteHowever I couldn't help but notice that something was missing in her bio. Something key that will launch her into the stratosphere of the 'A' list superheroes.
Capt. Hippo needs a youthful side...OH, she has one now!
good luck with the shoes
I must have that book. Can I get it at Amazon??
ReplyDeleteok He is a SHE...loved that - this (for a reason unknown) made me laugh....LOL
ReplyDeletecute!
Tony, you can definitely write children's books and I'll buy them!! But Capt. Hippo needs a side kick, maybe a KFC eating hyena.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing the biography of Captain Hippo he/she sounds like a great character. The poo-pee in the shoes make this little piggie a messie game! LOL!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the entertainment.
He puts his poo-pee in his shoes? Other than that, Captain Hippo sound pretty cool!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he's one of these...
ReplyDelete