There was a time when the wife and I were married for a few years and would hear things like “When are you having a baby?!”, “Are you pregnant!?”, “Why are you waiting so long?!”, “Why don’t you get a haircut?!”
When we finally did the next thing we heard was “It’s about freakin’ time!”
Really? What time is that? Because the only time I know is “Hammertime”
Then when our daughter was around 6-months-old people (primarily family) started it all over again…
“When are you having ANOTHER baby!?”, “Are you pregnant?!”, “You’re not really a parent until you have, like 6”, “Why don’t you get a haircut!”
What’s wrong with you people?! One is tough enough! Haven’t you heard of college tuition rising faster than inflation and $3,000 Miley Montana concert tickets!?
Good Times.
Somewhere in all that chaos we were fortunate enough to find solace with 2 other couples that, like us, had 1 child (girls) around the same age of ours.It was awesome.
We did “play dates” with them to all sorts of fun places, even to a few that were still a little “nice” since the kids couldn’t get too out of control because we adults outnumbered them 2 to 1.
“Sit in your seat” They sat
“No, you can’t touch daddy’s liquor. Here drink some milk” And they would listen and drink their milk.
“Sing us some Lionel Richie” And they all sang “Dancing On the Ceiling” in unison.
Oh what a feelin’, when were all 1-child families…
What Happened?
Yes, all was good in the world until about 3 weeks ago when our 1-child "friends" welcomed their 2nd child at virtually the same time.Oh great! What are we going to do now…?!
I’m happy for them, really I am. But I'd wished they had thought more about my vision of happy 1-child families before going off and having another one.
Sometimes people can be so inconsiderate...
Solution.
So today I've finally come up with a few options to remedy the situation at hand:
- Have another one so we can join the club.
- Find new friends with one child.
- Get a haircut.
- Ask our current longtime hitched friends with no children, “When are you having a baby?!” “Are you pregnant!?” “Why are you waiting so long!?”
My daughter caught wind of her friends new baby brothers and is now whining at me, saying things like “I want a baby brother like Audrey and Maya!!”
I've told her she could have one only is she promises to feed him, take him for walks, and cleans up after him in the yard.
Maybe if you get a haircut it'll increase your chances of enjoying a little "Say You Say Me" time with the wife, thereby increasing your chances of another.
ReplyDeleteOh! (said like Andrew Dice Clay... see, you're not the only one with obscure pop culture references)
Hum, man promises are a little odd to the female persuasion. My husband promised my daughter a Jeep if she didn't get into any trouble between 4 and 20. By my count she's been in time-out atleast a trillion times. I'm not sure if that Jeep still stands. What do you think?
ReplyDeleteSounds like getting a jeep is the easiest way to go.
ReplyDeleteAnd wanna know a secret, when you have the next one, your still going t obe asked "so when are you going to have another one". Even after three, we still get that question (mostly from new friends/acquaintances as anyone close to us knows were done)
I wish I could cut your hai'.
ReplyDeleteGet a haircut, and wait 'til you're ready. Don't bow to peer pressure!!!! ;)
Give it up and have another kid already. When you have two they can play with each other and all that fun stuff. The work load is not that much more and you are not yet outnumbered, you can still mount a man to man defense.
ReplyDeleteWE have three and it's now like we live in some sort of brutal caveman society. We are SO totally outnumbered and people are STILL asking us when we're going to have another one. FOUR KIDS?! THat's twice as many kids as parents! That's driving a prison work bus!
ReplyDeleteGet another dog.....have another baby when you are ready.
ReplyDeleteBloggy admiration coming your way in the form of a Diamond Award!
ReplyDeletehttp://epixstix.blogspot.com/2008/08/you-love-me-you-really-love-me.html
I love your blog and I think you deserve an award!
Beck --Wow!
ReplyDeleteThat's like my in-laws. They have 4 but live in Ohio where the cost of living is so much cheaper than L.A. you can raise 12 for the price 1.
Whirlwind/womaninawindow -- Good idea...I'll ask my daughter if she'll take a Jeep in place of a baby brother. Or a Pony.
I need a hair cut.
ReplyDeleteIn real life, I've started to avoid families with kid(s). In fact, I don't read blogs that focuses on parenting and kid(s) except yours.
Sometimes, I think I should have some sad and creepy pictures available when I'm asked the question when I'm going to have a baby.
I've some friends who just had their third baby in, like, 30 months. In fact, she just delivered the most recent one two weeks ago and I'd not doubt at all she's pregnant again already. If you want, I'll try and steal one for you.
ReplyDeleteThis vow will, of course, come back to haunt me if one of their children does, in fact, end up missing.
Ok, second choice. Get your haircut like cousin Oliver up there and commense to the baby making. That is a hot look.
Artist Unplugged makes a good point.
ReplyDeleteI was going to stick with one kid until all my playgroup friends had a second and I got jealous. Who knew jealousy is an important component in keeping the species going?
Great post! I agree that it is crazy the pressure for kids... I was under the misconception that sort of thinking was a way of the past, but it isn't at all. Having two step kids slows down the questions directed at us, but they still come...
ReplyDeleteAt this point only my 83 year old, senile mother-in-law still asks me everytime I see her if I'm pregnant with a third. I give her a pass since she rarely knows what she says anymore.
ReplyDeleteWe always planned on being a 1 child family until, whoops, that second one came along.
our only daughter is nearly 6, and the pressure never ends. most recently my FIL, who is the ONE person who never really comments on such thing, dropped the whole "it would be nice to have a boy to carry on the family name" bomb
ReplyDeleteCTD - Deeper thoughts came to me later today so I must add that my children are almost 5 years apart and I would not advise that. The times I had to get her out of her crib to go pick up her brother from school or go to a game, etc. Also, it took awhile for them to have much in common because of the age difference. Probably a poor reason, but I wouldn't want my child to be an only child.
ReplyDeleteYou could buy her a puppy...
ReplyDeleteOn the flip side, if you do decide to join in, at least you can sell the new one as being just like the other kids'. That's what we've been up to with Pumpkinpie, since we waited longer than her friends' parents.
I say get a new kid.
ReplyDeleteThen tell people 'it's for the bloggers - I didn't want to run out of material and lose readers'
Aunt Ethel *will* be pleased !
You could always tell people "you're trying, but it isn't taking". That usually shuts them up.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I'm pretty sure you'll get another girl if you do, you're too wrapped not to. I'm just saying....Personally I think that's a good thing. My girls are best friends & I'm having so much fun watching them together now.
On a more serious note, when your child is grown & has to worry about you guys, if she's an only she'll have to do it alone. That's not a reason to have a kid, but it is something to consider.
WTH, have another one; at least you can practice trying to make one for a while right?
I told her she could have one only is she promises to feed him, take him for walks, and cleans up after him in the yard.
ReplyDeleteYou need to add "and change his diaper until he's potty-trained." That should do the trick.
Amen, dad! We are in the same boat! Plus, I've noticed a few with two kids think my watching their TWO is equivalent to them watching my ONE. Huh?
ReplyDeleteHaving another kid is like starting back at square one. Just when you think your child is finally getting tolerable you get pregnant and have another screaming kid. AHH! BTW love your blog!
ReplyDeleteWe have the opposite problem with friends. It isn't that easy to find other families with 13 year olds and newborns. And 3 in between.
ReplyDeleteMost of our peers are working on their first or second child.
Yup. Happened to a good friend.
ReplyDeleteAnd she already had twins!
Man, did she ever hurry along the potty training.
I feel your pain! I'm 34 and not married yet...my mom has given up asking me when I'm gonna get married and gone straight to "when are you gonna get yourself knocked up?!" Thanks Mom.
ReplyDeleteWe have three boys, but it wasn't like we planned it. And there's a big age spread - 10, 6 and 10 months, so it's kind of like having an only child during the day because the other two are at school.
ReplyDeleteI hope #3 doesn't end up being the Cousin Oliver of the bunch. I'm all for not having haircuts (which my dad hates) but I just don't want him to *be* Oliver.
Hey Tony! Check this out:
ReplyDelete[url]http://markruinsdinner.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/my-first-zinger/[/url]
I've never heard of this KFC product and I wanna know why the Colonel sell it here.
You have a wonderful, funny blog. I just subscribed. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteBen and Bennie -- Weird...?
ReplyDeleteI'm still upset that they don't carry spicy chicken everywhere.
Sasparilla Sue -- That's pretty crazy. Just tell her to choose any guy at the market and you'll work on it.
Rock the Cradle -- So tell me...how does one "hurry along potty training" because if there's a secret, one can make billions.
Wendy -- Offers like that drive me crazy! I usually tell people like that we have a deal if they throw in $50.
We're constantly getting "when are you having a third" by quite a few people--my wife's one of them!
ReplyDeleteHaving a second child really does cut your free time in half. The good thing about that is you're already starting at zero free time so you have nothing to lose.
ReplyDeleteExcept more money and sanity.
So, come on. Get on with it already.
You're in a tough spot, man. :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know. There are pros and cons to the various adult/kid family configurations.
I've got three daughters, and there are times when I envy the freedom that my buds with "onlies" have. But...the grass is always greener. I wouldn't change anything.
P.S. I vote against the second kid (are we voting here?) if it's going to cut into your blogging time...lol.
It is crazy expensive over there - similar to here in CT, so perhaps a haircut and a puppy would satisfy your wife and daughter.
ReplyDeleteAre you gonna start practicing for another HUMAN? That could be fun, you know...
Lee-Ann (Mamalee)
MISS YOU!
I feel your pain. Going through the same issues here. You think they would stop asking when we are having another child after while. I ask them to pay for the diapers food etc. and they change the subject. Great blog you have here!
ReplyDeleteDude have another baby. Then you can join the ranks of the 'pigeon pair' and call those of us with 3 kids 'breeders'
ReplyDeleteOr get a dog. Then your daughter can carry it around in a handbag and pretend she is Paris.
Kelley -- I can see her putting a sibling in a handbag.
ReplyDeleteDenguy -- Sorry to break this to you, but if your wife is one of them, you've lost.
and here i thought this was a pregnancy announcement... lol! Just get a haircut already!
ReplyDeleteEveryone knows when "Oliver" came, it ruined everything.
ReplyDeleteI have the opposite problem. Since we have three everyone assumes we are personally trying to colonize another planet because, ya know, three is just SO many. Family just asks "are you done yet?", as if we need to wrap up telling a long winded story.
ReplyDeleteYou should get your daughter a robot baby to play with. She will love it!
It sounds like you've been hanging around my Mil in regards to the haircut thing.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree with you more on those types of questions..I'm sure it's extremely annoying.
For us we always got the, "now, you're not HAVING anymore, are you?" "You're NOT pregnant, are you?" "You do realize how hard it is to raise one child today?" "You do realize that I never breastfed my children."
From the other side the questions are different but they still illicit the same emotions; pure annoyance.
I'm putting you in my blog role as Alist Crustybloggers, because I want to. :)
Oh, gad. No matter how many (or few) you have, you'll never stop the pestering of "well-intentioned" friends and family. We waited 11 years to have our first, and only child and never heard the end of the questions. I so wanted to scream "mind your own bloody business!"
ReplyDeleteBut I didn't.
Very smart blog. I really like your wit...
ReplyDeleteGood stuff sir and big hi's from another blogging, creative type dad!
ReplyDeleteEither try for another young'n or get one of those really soft stuffed animals - like a velvety hippo or something. You can always tote the hippo around as if it's a kid, and maybe no one will notice.
ReplyDeleteyeah get another dog.
ReplyDeleteYeah! What's wrong with you Tony?? When is the next one coming? I love that sticker, we need that! As for us, the question would be "you're not having another one ARE YOU?"
ReplyDeleteKristen -- I like the robot baby idea. Does a Playstation 3 count?
ReplyDeleteOne is a lot of kids. I didn't think so until I had one. However, now I have three, and the youngest one told me today that she wants to buy a baby. "I don't need dolls," she said. "I need a baby." No matter how many you have, you will still hear that.
ReplyDelete