2010 ended on a gloomy note.
Just before Thanksgiving a close friend was diagnosed with leukemia, which seemed completely unbelievable at the time but led to a wave of worry for my wife and I, as we know her husband and kids really well. Thankfully her ongoing treatments are proving successful and she is now, thankfully, in remission.
Shortly after that initial news incredibly devastating news followed. Another longtime friend unexpectedly passed away.
Something strange happened to me that has never happened before in that experience: for the first time ever, when I saw his wife, I was utterly and completely speechless. At the moment, it hit me how that could of easily been me, departed, and how would I in the same situation console my wife if that were her grieving for me? He was in fact close in age to me; lived an extremely active lifestyle (possibly more so than I) and had similar hobbies, no signs of being ill or dire vices. It completely frightened me.
Trouble sleeping soon followed worrying about all sorts of things including my life insurance now that we have two kids. Writing down all of our accounts and pertinent information for my wife. Bringing up conversations with my wife wondering if she even knew what kind of arrangements I’d like to have. What if my wife and I both passed, who would be the guardian of our kids? We still haven’t fully agreed on that.
All of those serious questions came into mind because for the first time ever it feels like something can really happen.
As we now move in to 2011 I look ahead with a bit of anxiety wondering what’s in store this year. I still am hopeful it’ll be nothing but pleasant times, but at the same time scared of which ailments will hit to who and what, and which (gasp) funerals, if any, we will be attending next.
For me it’s odd to be so dire, but with recent events I find myself upset by such things now.
I’ve never done any resolutions in years past, because I’ve personally found them to be a little peculiar, but if I did have any it would be that I’m more cognizant of appreciating every little thing in life and making every effort to spend as much time as I could with my wife, kids, family, and maybe some friends that I haven’t seen in way too long.
Perhaps another resolution would be NOT caving in and creating a Facebook account this year. I can’t imagine dying and all I have for showing my appreciation and gratitude for friendship is “friending” them on Facebook. Just the thought drives me nuts.
Happy New Year Tony an d family.
ReplyDeleteSorry about all thee things you are facing.
Pray your friends is cured of her illness.
Don 't be anxious Tony. God is wating over you - He will not test you beyond your strength.
Happy New Year. I really hope you have no more news like that. I totally understand the fears and panic it induces. I think that is probably the reason so many of my friends turned away when I was diagnosed with cancer. Easier to pretend it isn't real if you disappear. Realizing our own mortality is hard! I am thinking good thoughts for you all!
ReplyDeletesorry to hear about all the scary illnesses and deaths. ack.
ReplyDeleteYour resolution is the best there is, I think, but another good resolution might be to get a will written, including info about guardianship. Compiling all your financial info in one place, etc. We did that... ages ago, and really need to update it. Maybe I need to make that my resolution, too.
Yikes - that is similar to how 2009 ended for us.
ReplyDeleteI know it's risky just three days in, but I've decided to declare 2011 'The Year That Can't Possibly Suck As Hard As 2010, Right?' The more people I can get to join this movement, the better, so if you're in, I'll save you a seat. Until then...sigh...yes, in light of things, I'll definitely wish you a happy new year and hope for better and brighter. In that order.
ReplyDeleteHappy 2011 to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your loss.
Our 2010 (and 2009 even more so) were also filled with too much death and sadness. I'm with you, here's to better things and healthier loved ones come 2011.
ReplyDeleteIf you do get on Facebook I have a Ninja-farm opportunity that I'd love to talk to you about.
Two years ago, just before Christmas, we lost a close friend to suicide. I remember, too, standing there and not having anything coherent to say to his wife and kids. To this day, not a day goes by that I don't somehow map their experience to ours, and wonder what would happen if I were to suddenly disappear off the planet.
ReplyDeleteThe thought chills me to the very core of my soul, as there's still so much left for me to do within my family, my work, my community, my life.
But since we can't control any of that, I'll focus on making today count. If I'm gifted with a tomorrow, I'll do the same then, too.
Thank you for this wonderfully reflective reminder of the things that really matter. Or should.
Here's hoping 2011 will be much better! I'll try to come around more often again too. That'll be nice, right?
ReplyDeleteSounds like a good plan to me.
ReplyDeleteAnd I haven't joined Facebook either--despite the "safeguards" I simply feel uncomfortable about some faceless entity having so much of my personal information.
Sorry to hear about the crappy end to the year. I think finding someone to leave your kids with - G-d forbid - is the most difficult thing a parent has to do. We've also struggled with that decision too, and it too came to light when a friend of mine (a few years younger than me) passed away after a lengthy battle with cancer. It changes you.
ReplyDeleteHave a healthy 2011!!
Its scary if you spend too much time worrying about what might happen. Just make to most of NOW!
ReplyDeleteI am also wishing that 2011 is better than 2010. Let us believe that something good will happen.
ReplyDeleteNot yet late- but still Happy 2011 to you and your family.It will take some time but everything will be fine.let hope for good this year.
ReplyDelete