Another Drop in the Bucket List

Do you have a bucket list? I do. And one of the many items on my list was riding a mechanical bull, preferably somewhere in Texas.

My first attempt at this dream was about 9 years ago in San Antonio while the wife and I were visiting some good friends out there. But unfortunately things didn’t quite end up as expected as we both came down with some really bad food poisoning from a Tex-Mex restaurant.
Although, all was not lost as I was able to visit the Alamo and ask a friendly guide where the basement was (another check off that bucket list.) That was also the day I saw a transvestite with a cowboy hat, big blonde wig, and really hairy legs help open the bathroom door for my sick wife (not on the bucket list.)

He/she was really considerate despite the bad choices in western wear.

For my birthday this year, my (amazing) wife surprised me by taking me to a place called “Big Bubba’s Bad BBQ” in Paso Robles, CA. and wouldn’t you know it – they’ve got a mechanical bull! A REAL one, not one of those fake ones found at the 20-something hipster bars out here in West Hollywood or Universal CityWalk.

Some facts I’ve discovered about mechanical bull riding many may not be aware of:

1. Minimum age to ride is 6-years old. Yes, “6”. No, I’m not joking. I asked my daughter if she wanted to try and she replied, “Hells No!” Well, not really. She just cried and ran away.
2. They make you sign a waver saying that if you get sent to the hospital or die, it’s your fault because riding a bull, real or fake, is really dangerous and should NEVER be attempted by humans, ever.
3. You get quite an AB workout. Seriously, after my 8 second ride, my abs felt like they were totally ripped. Until I actually checked them and discovered they weren’t.
4. Mechanical bull riding looks much EASIER on T.V. I think actors do it in slow motion and then they speed up the film.
5. Nobody can hear you scream in space or when you’re riding a mechanical bull. I’m totally convinced of that because they didn’t turn it off when I screamed “STOP” multiple times like a little girl just before I was thrown off onto a padded floor that smelled like beer and BBQ sauce. I actually got up and had BBQ sauce in my mouth.

My wife took a video of the whole incident on her iPhone. She was laughing the entire time until the moment I flew off, then yelled, “Oh my God! Please don’t be dead!!”

Obviously she was aware of the waiver form.