I did something that could be bad. I’m not sure. I made my wife (well convinced) her to return the ugly Radio Flyer Pony her sisters gave us for our daughters birthday a few weeks ago (if her sisters are reading this…’we love it! and our daughter, like Depeche Mode, 'just can’t get enough’) The horse has been sitting in the corner for few weeks now (this is the horse that took me hours and hours to assemble…its diet consists of human blood).
I didn’t like the thing from day one. It’s ugly. It’s plastic, and oh, our daughter only rode it twice and wanted nothing to do with it ever again. So my wife finally gave in, disassembled it (like in 10 minutes? I still don’t understand how…) and took it back. I cheered! Victory!
Later, that night I felt guilty and had a dream. The ghost of Christmas past visited me (he looked like Webster) and I remembered one Christmas when I was a kid (all roads lead to some horrible childhood memory) when I wanted some cheesy racetrack that made the cars crawl up the wall. I played with it for like a week and then got bored. A few days later when I went to play with it something happened. It ‘mysteriously disappeared’. I later found out my Dad took it back to Toys R Us. I dreamt my Dad at the counter and when he looked up....it was Gary Coleman with a knife! No, it was me.
I woke up in a cold sweat!!
Two things: I have to do something about this guilt. Get rid of it somehow (beer, chocolate, T.V.). I'll show that plastic horse it can't haunt me!
Second, I'm not sure why Webster and Gary Coleman always invade my dreams about morality and guilt.
Glad to hear you got rid of the ugly horse. You'll have more room in the house now too.
ReplyDeleteYou know, Gary Coleman has made quite a comeback in recent years. Let's see, he ran for governor in CA (along with Larry Flint and Arnold of course), and he appears on television commercials for folks to get quick cash.
Oh no! My kids toys have habits of "mysteriously disappearing". Quite a few of them "got lost in the move" I hope I'm not setting them up for anything later!
ReplyDeleteThose are the facts of life, wait, no. That was a different show completely.
ReplyDeleteum, maybe that's why all my son's toys are piled up in my closet, waiting for someone to birth a baby boy so they can be given away...it seems everyone around me has had a girl since I've had my son. Great for his future dates, bad for my closet space...
ReplyDeleteDamn, man. Those are some frightening dreams.
ReplyDeleteThat picture- was only the second time our daughter would go on the thing. She won't go near it.
ReplyDeleteI had visions of a sun-bleached plastic toy graveyard in the garage or yard...
Gee, that horse looks pretty harmless...guess my turn will come when Branch and Blossom are older.
ReplyDeleteI get rid of about half of the baby toys before they even see them. I've donated bags and bags full of stuffed animals to the Toy bank at Christmas. Junky toys find their way into the garbage within days of being opened and forgotten about, I'm a little ruthless. THing is when your first child is the very first grandchild on both sides... we wouldn't have had room to move in our apartment if I hadn't done it.
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