Single parents, I empathize with you. I just don’t understand how in the world do you do it. And especially those with small kids --- you people are either crazy or deserve a medal (and a cookie -- a good one too...like from Nordstrom's, or J.C. Penny's)
The wife’s job sent her to Canada early Sunday morning and pretty much left me to play the role of single parent for a few days. Which meant more 'daddy and daughter time' other than my normal one day a week when the wife is studying for her GMAT. I do pretty well on those days. In fact, some might say almost at a 'professional' level.
I didn’t do too bad on the first solo day (piece of cake!), did alright on the second (how in the world am I going to get these tangles out of her hair!), and today, well now I’m counting the hours until the wife gets back. This morning I forgot “the stinky blanket” (the whole world stops if “the stinky blanket” isn’t around) and gave in to her breakfast demands of popcorn ("crackcorn" as she calls it.)
Today when our sitter saw my daughter she told me that she could tell mommy wasn’t around (How? Can she smell the Chicken McNuggets odor?)
It’s tough doing simple things that I once took for granted, like going to the bathroom in peace. Unless, of course, I want to hear screams (DAD-DEEEEE!!!) accompanied by pounding and little fingers and toes sliding under the closed door like an alien trying to attack and then eat me.
No sir-ee, it just ain’t right.
Yesterday while my daughter was playing in her toy kitchen I made a run for the “Loo”, the screaming followed me (HA! - I can still run faster!) When I closed and locked the door behind me the yelling stopped followed by a mysterious silence (is she alright? Maybe I should check on her…? But I really, really have to go...it's been , like 2 days and I ate Chili Beans for breakfast---why!?) Then she slid her poopie book (the potty training one we use when we put her on the toilet) under the door and said “Daddeee here, poo-peeee!” and then I heard feet running back to her room while singing her poopie song.
That was weird...
I still haven’t been able to take away “the stinky blanker” to throw it in the washer machine (she sleeps with it in a tight kung-foo grip.) I still can’t fix her hair -- It’s just not humanly possible! She's looking like a mini version of Phil Spector. And her diet consist of popcorn, goldfish, tortilla chips, and freezed-dried peas (Yes! veggies...success!!)
The wife is sure going to love me when she gets back.
THAT was good. You could do a comedy show with that observation. Too bad it's all true, huh?
ReplyDeleteThe bathroom thing...OH.MY.GAH. Then after they get INTO the bathroom that you were trying to keep them out of while you...poopied...they have to make this BIG DEAL about how much it stinks. It's like "THEN GET OUT!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME IN HERE!!"
I still use bathroom time as my "library" time. It's the only peaceful place when you have six kids. or just one, for that matter!
When my husband goes away for business, I am crazy by the third day and then I need a vacation.
ReplyDeleteI still haven't got one, but I need one nonetheless.
The few times I had total control it was fun at first, too. And I was very happy to see Mrs. Joe come back.
ReplyDeleteWhen I am taking care of business, Peanut will stand at the bathroom door and yell "Daddy, poop?" over and over.
I wonder that every single day. No, not about what your wife will say when she gets back. I mean, how single parents deal with a kid or even more increduously, kidS. Daily, I think that those people that take in numerous foster kids (today's paper had an article about a couple that took in 106 over their lifetime. They should be in Ripley's or something). need to have their heads examined. Or be canonized, one or the other.
ReplyDeleteThat was just too funny, especially the bathroom episode (and yes, it was only funny because it wasn't happening to me!)
ReplyDeleteMy husband (when he is in the loo) slides a book about airplanes underneath the bathroom door.
ReplyDeletefreeze dried peas? What are they like? We like the fruits. gerbers toddlers strawberry/banana type.
That is too funny!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE to go away on business. When I get back, my husband gets this pained look of desperation and is-he-ever-so-glad-to-see-me!!! And Gizmo's hair is usually, well, let's say he trys...
It's nice to have the daddies appreciate all the hard work mommies do. You have seen the light!
ReplyDeleteOh, you crack me up Tony! That's funny when the babysitter actually knows that your wife is not home.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sure the two of you need to clean the house spic and span before Mommy gets home right?!
Wow, that brought back memories.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter had a stinky blanket too. The stinkier it got, the more she loved it.
She's 15 now and her hair still looks like your (wonderful Photoshopping!) photo.
Such great bonding times...
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, both ice cream and popcorn are healthy and when served together are nearly a completely balanced meal. So I don't see what the big deal is.
Second of all, I can't get past stinky blanket. Dare I ask how it came by that name??
Jenster -- Stinky Blanket: Dragged on the floor, used as a nose wipe, chewed on, slept with, can never leave eyesight - fight tooth and nail to get washed.
ReplyDeleteepixstix -- Do I get some kind of medal now? Or t-shirt...?
Sarah O. -- OMG! Nothing could be more true about the "more stinky/more love" part. When the wife is able to wash it, it takes awhile for her to get re-adjusted.
wayabetty -- HA! Cleaning with a toddler following me around?
I fantasize about leaving The Poo alone with her daddy for a week. I think he would have a much deeper appreciation for my mood swings.
ReplyDeleteHope the stinky blanket gets less stinky!
I thought the fingers and toes under the door accompanied by long drawn out conversations from the other side of the bathroom door were normal for every parent. All three of my children did this to me. They could be completely content in whatever they were doing but the minute I have to use the lavatory they hover around the bathroom door until I am finished. There is no such thing as alone time unless I am in the lavatory at work. The sharing of her "special" book was absolutely adorable!
ReplyDeleteHair brushing tip, always brush from the ends to the top. If you brush top to bottom you will create more tangles. It also helps to brush it out right after washing. Snow White's hair is naturally curly and easily becomes very tangled. When I brush her hair in the morning for school she screams as if she were being beaten to death. This instituted braiding her hair every night after her bath.
We have a front load washer and dryer with windows. Snow White has Stanley and we watch "The Stanley Show" in the laundry once a week. If I didn't sit right there with her laughing at all his flips and rolls she might have panicked. Now it is just a fun thing for her to laugh at and giggle herself silly.
Don't sweat the small stuff and everything will go fine. You are doing great. I am a single Mom and it all seems to come to me like second nature. Little bumps in the road seem like huge sink holes at times but my children and I always manage to get around them. You have to be an expert planner, see all obstacles that might come your way and figure out the solutions ahead of time. I suppose that is why I am so good at my job. My children trained me well he, he, he!
By the way, I found my way here through Pageant Mom.
The few days a week Husband works, I swear I'm on the verge of losing it!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad my kids have not gotten attached to any one toy or blankie, it makes my life MUCH easier. They have a friend who has DOG. DOG also goes everywhere, and is always a different color (depending on how long it's been since he bathed). You need to get another "stinky blankie" and rotate them.
You need to train her that the food thing is her "Special" daddy time treats and can only be done when Mommy's gone.
Hopefully she doesn't give you much trouble when Mommy comes home.
Oh and the poop thing, Moe likes to wave and say "bye-bye (insert name's) poo-poo" as she flushes it down the toilet.
ReplyDeleteThe image of your daughter sliding that book under the door...priceless.
ReplyDeleteAnd you, you sum it up with a "That was weird." You slay me, Tony.
The toilet think - oh how a identify with the pounding on the door. "I'll be out in a minute..I'm trying to..."
ReplyDelete"Daddy, can I watch?" NOOOOOOO...What is it with toddlers and toilets?
I can so remember all of this as I've been single parenting for 3 years now. Of course it's much easier now that he's almost seven, but still exhausting. Congrats on making it through the week, Tony!
ReplyDeleteI'll surely take that Nordstrom's cookie for days a week. Whew.
ReplyDeleteRuth Dynamite -- When she slid the book under the door, I thought to myself "is she trying to potty train me"...
ReplyDelete(un)relaxeddad -- I know! My daughter runs in after I come out of the bathroom yelling Poopie! over and over and looks in the toilet. She knows it goes there, she just won't do it herself.
Whirlwind -- that's funny! (I say the same thing too...)
MommasWorld -- that Stanley show is pretty funny. I need to try that, but I don't have a fancy washer/dryer..
I am so with you, my friend! I've been a single parent for the past week not and all I can do is wonder how real single parents do it. I can't even get two minutes in the bathroom without hearing "Dadddddyyyy!" (and then the pitter patter of little feet.)
ReplyDeleteHow would we ever survive without backup? And how about those parents who are outnumbered by their kids? How do THEY do it?
I'm in awe.
Well, you did much better than my husband! In fact, I'm very, very impressed. And your wifey obvious is one smart cookie to have married you!
ReplyDeleteOnce I left to have lunch/shop with a friend for a few hours. When I came back my husband was complaining about how our son was driving him crazy and he wouldn't stop crying. I asked if he had diapered and fed our son. He looked at me blankly. Our son hadn't been changed or fed in more than FOUR HOURS.
I rarely left the house for more than an hour after that.
The mystery is why anyone calls it quality time.
ReplyDeleteDespite all the difficulties, if I'm going to be shouted at I'd rather it was by my daughter than some grumpy boss...
Glad I found you , love your blog!
ReplyDeleteI have absolutely no idea how single parents do it. I don't even know how parents of multiple kids do it. And I think my kid is relatively easy ... They must all just use the bathroom at work, I guess.
ReplyDeleteDorky Dad - or maybe they use the neighbors bathroom?
ReplyDeleteStay at home dad - grumpy kid, grumpy boss...sometimes they're the same.
Lisa - sounds like he needs instructions. I'm sure he'll be prepared next time, right?
MetroDad - the wife's "sista'" has 4 kids. I don't think she's been to the bathroom alone in about 13 years.
She gave you reading material! How cool is that?! Your kid is awesome.
ReplyDeleteOkay, that is hilarious. I never get to go to the bathroom alone (if it's not the kid, it's the cat!). I'm shocked you think you can do that. But even more, I'm howling at her sliding the poopie book under the door! Ha!
ReplyDeleteAs a single mum, I sympathise. (While laughing, of course.)
ReplyDeleteI joined a gym with a creche just so I could shower each morning. In private.