Monday, April 02, 2007

I Think I Just Scarred My Daughter For Life


This morning before leaving for work, I made a quick stop to the bathroom with the door partially open and went about my business. I usually don’t leave the door open just because I’m private like that and these days the wife and I have been in potty training mode with the daughter (I don’t want to confuse her.)

While relieving myself, eyes up on a spider web on the ceiling corner, humming a little Bee-Gee’s tune (don’t ask), I hear a small voice beside me “Da-DEE??” There’s my daughter, standing right next to me, holding her blanket, eyes popped out with a confused look on her face as if I just pulled a monkey out of my butt (and maybe an Doodlebop too.)

(…don’t scare her, be calm, no big deal…)

I was scrambling to finish-up midstream and at the same time a little angry that I drank so much juice earlier…

Me: Where’s mommy? Go to mommy – mommy has some crackcorn, I mean 'popcorn'… or cookies…

Daughter: “I want UP! – I want UP!” (running into me with arms up) I waaaant UPPPPPPP!!!”

Me: I can’t pick you up, go find mommy, go to mommy…..mommy has ice cream!!

maneuvering butt to block child from toilet and pee......(
there's more?...how can there be more...!!)

Now all I can think about is how I might be getting a called from some police station in Bakersfield, in 15 years, hearing that my daughter held up a liquor store, all because of the 'peeing incident' when she was 1.

21 comments:

Ruth Dynamite said...

No more juice for you, Da-dee!

I'm dying here.

Mama's Moon said...

*chuckle, chuckle, chuckle* Ahhh, the imagery!

Oh, The Joys said...

Oh no you dint!

Maria said...

I have noticed that no one has asked the most important, worthy question here.

What kind of ice cream?

~*Kelli*~ said...

I was about her age when I first saw my daddy's pee pee. I remember them making a big deal of it, him covering it up and all I could say was "HA! IT LOOKS LIKE AN ICE CREAM CONE!" If I only knew then what I know know....

..and with my sister, my dad was standing naked in the doorway one time (so I'm told), talking to my mom. All of a sudden he felt something weird touching his penis. He looked down, and there was my toddler sister, just "flinking" it...laughing.

So yeah...more fun to come! LOL

~*Kelli*~ said...

uh, that's "know NOW"

Dad Stuff said...

I don't think we've had a bathroom door shut for about 4 years. Our 4 y/o daughter wants to make sure we can always hear her singing on the potty.

kittenpie said...

There is no privacy in this house. My daughter walked up to me one day as I was using the facilities and poked me in the rough vicinity of my crotch before I could react. Yeah, now we're working on the concept of what "private" means, but it's gonna be a long road.

Lisa said...

No privacy around here either, for the most part. I remember the first time my son really "noticed" my boobs. I was drying off after a shower and he reached up, poked one of them, and said, "Whas dat?" After stammering a bit I replied, "Uh..... it's skin. It's Mommy's skin."

I'm sure he'll need therapy as an adult.

Diana said...

LOL!
Sorry to find this funny...

I usually keep my son out of the room when I change...but now it's all "Mommy's boobies?" because, well, he can turn a knob and there are. no. locks...
what fun traumatizing our children, huh? I think we all need ice cream therapy, don't give it to the kiddos...

Above Average Joe said...

My daughter can open the door now so leaving it partially open doesn't matter. Soon you will have to learn to keep the door closed with either a foot or a hand. Either way, it's challenging.

mamatulip said...

*snort*

Julia has walked in on my husband peeing so many times that she's taken to asking when she'll grow a hose like Daddy's.

dennis said...

laughing too hard...

must breath...

Dan said...

At least she didn't attempt to wash her hands in the stream. That was an panic inducing moment.

L.A. Daddy said...

Ah, the body butt block! Classic maneuver. Never works for me either. And what's worse, the little sucker opens up the door on me (and I never remember to lock it) because she's so curious.

If you can do it - put your foot against the door while you're peeing now... you'll thank me for it later.

creative-type dad said...

L.A. Daddy - The door is too far away from the actually loo'. Now I have to use something called "a lock" - in my own home!

Dan - dude, that was really really close...

mamatulip - that is FUNNY!!!

Denver Dad said...

Chunk insists on doing the flushing now. For everyone. So, when we're home he barges in and screams when you try to flush. "I do et!" Unfortuantely, he also does this while visiting Great-Grandma. She's okay with it, but the first time I think he nearly gave her a heart attack.

creative-type dad said...

Denver Dad -- I've been to some restaurants where somebody flushes the toilet or urninal for you.

I hope G-Grandma tipped him...

Beta Mum said...

A friend of mine was taking her son and my son somewhere in her car when they were about 4, and they were chatting about willies. As ever.
Their conversation went along the lines of -
"My Dad's willy is bigger than your Dad's"
"Look how far I can stretch my willy"
"My Dad's willy hasn't got this bit you can pull."
And it was in this way she learned that my partner must be circumcised. A piece of information she was not particularly looking for.

Jackie said...

Oh my God, you're killing me - too funny. My husband won't go to the bathroom with the door unlocked either because he's scared he may traumatise our daughter for life.

Anonymous said...

Lol

Just too funny. I remember my husband had to stop taking a bath with our daughter when she became curious. She grabbed his willy when she was 3 and said "Daddy is ready to be milked" This came after I told her about cow udders.