How To Get Rid of Annoying Cartoon Characters

I didn’t think much of it when they tied the Puppy to a string, hoisted him up about 4 feet, and gave the nearby 2-year old a baseball bat.

No, it wasn’t until the other kids and adults, including an old grandmother in a wheelchair, circled around her with their arms in the air and started yelling things like “Come on, honey! WHACK that Puppy real good!!”, “Hit that Puppy hard right between his eyes!!”, “Aim for his neck! Aim for his neck!!” as if witnessing a death match of a known violent criminal.

The 2-year old stood there and smiled, almost laughing, at the smiling Puppy piñata bobbing up and down as if he were playing with her. I imagined if that Puppy could talk he would have been saying something like “Hi there! My name is Poochie, what’s yours? Let’s go play together on a rainbow and eat jelly beans all day, OK!” all while my daughter and about a dozen other eager kids were anxiously waiting to feast on the Puppy’s innards of unknown candy.

Poochie never had a chance when a large 5-year old with a debatable mustache and real looking tattoo had a turn. With two large swipes Poochie the Puppy looked as if he had grown wings and had flown about 10 yards away from the death arena. Then the mustached 5-year old with his posse of admiring fans, ran over and started pounding the Puppy on the ground all while yelling and screaming.
Given the looks of he and his parents, I swear I overheard him saying things like “Why don’t you ever listen! Why do you always laugh at me!! I don’t like it when you drink so much!!!”

The 2-year old birthday girl was nearly in tears. If she could speak much more clearly I think she would have said something like “Goodbye, Poochie, I guess we’ll never get to play on that rainbow after all…”
She quickly got over it when her mom picked her up and tossed her into the mob of screaming kids with spilled fluorescent packaged candy.

They even let her fill the severed puppy leg with candy.

When the mustached 5-year old stood proudly smiling holding the decapitated Puppy head, while his parents were congratulating him taking his picture, I wondered where in the world did this concept come from. Who in their right mind thought it was a good idea taking cute animals or a kids favorite cartoons character, fill them with candy, hang them, and then beat them up with a baseball bat?

It’s just bizarre, mean, sick, and demented!

Then the next day when the TV was left on unattended, the perfect piñata for any birthday came to mind:

Your exploring days are numbered...

Planning My Daughters’ ‘Numero 2’ Birthday Party - Scaled Down (Without The Elvis Impersonator)

My daughter will be 2 soon (when did she get so old!?)

I can’t even believe its been nearly a year since her 1st, 10o guests birthday extravaganza (read about it here .) This time last year I was trying to decide whether the impersonator should dress as Blue Hawaii Elvis or Las Vegas Jumpsuit Elvis. I chose 'jumpsuit' because at the time my daughter started getting into that shiny things that sing stage. It didn’t matter though, she was still afraid of Elvis (maybe it was that violent shakin' ..)

People have been asking me “Hey! Crazy-insane “new dad” – what are you planning for #2? Tom Jones and live monkeys with water guns?” To them I answer, “That’s a good idea. I’ve always liked monkeys, especially armed ones” But in reality, I’m never doing that again.
When you hear about parents who've gone too far with their kids' party, well guess what? I was one of them (and the wife just sat back and watched me.) It was fun and memorable, but in reality my daughter didn’t know what was happening. It didn’t need to be that big.
The next big party I throw for her will be her wedding - in maybe 24.2 years to somebody I approve of and who isn’t a football/basketball/table tennis player, Elvis impersonator, drug/car dealer, multi-level marketing anything, aspiring race car driver, or actor (the list keep growing....daily.)

This year we’re planning a small 2-hour stint at our Gymboree with about 4 or 5 of her (non-cranky) friends she sees on a regular basis (asks for them by name all the time) and their parents, and maybe (still not entirely sure) a few family members with little ones under 5. The family can get a little weird if they know another family member was invited to something and not them (I can just hear it now “Why wasn’t I invited?!? and then my response "Save the DRAMA for yo' MAMA!" *grrrr*...then run away.)

I know the "big 2" birthday plans aren’t very glamorous and some family and friends will be disappointed about not getting invited. But I have to remember that these parties aren’t about me, the wife, and our friends. They’re about a little girl who gets nervous with too many adults around staring at her to perform when all she wants to do is run around and play with other kids.

But when it’s MY birthday, when then – start the disco music, send in the monkeys and let that chest hair breathe...!