Tuesday, December 05, 2006

When You Smell Alcohol On The Dentist, It May Be Time To Scream.


I started getting a little nervous this morning while waiting in “the chair” when the dentist walked in late and told the assistant (in a loud whisper) she was out until 1am closing a local restaurant bar – and she had a headache to prove it.
When she got closer to me, she smelled like my old great uncle ‘Pete’ (the one who hung out at the racetracks, smoked cigars for breakfast, and always offered strangers cookies), which made me even more nervous. I started to scream, on the inside, when she dropped the tools on the floor and said the sound of the metal tools hitting the floor made her want to squeal like a fish (yes, 'fish')
Her usual unintelligible slurring didn’t bother me though (she has some Persian accent... at least I think it’s Persian – or could be from some remote village in Canada) my wife and I usually make jokes later about things we think or thought she said to us like, “My horse is in the bathroom” or “Brittany needs to buy underwear.” In reality, she’s actually saying stuff like “Rinse your mouth in the bathroom” or “Brittany needs to buy underwear.”

I've always had bad luck with dentists, they all creep me out and my wife and I have been through a lot. These people are hard to find. This one has been pretty good over the last year; I’m almost inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt - this time. But if this happens again, the search is on. Although, I’m sure she would be a good drinking buddy down at the racetracks.
What would you do….?

27 comments:

L.A. Daddy said...

I've had bad luck, too. But I've found the perfect dentist - she's up in Woodland Hills and she teaches at USC. She talks a lot, but she's probably the best dentist I've ever had. I've given her about 20 new patients and they all love her. Let me know if your's goes on another bender...

Iris said...

I hate dentists, I would have run screaming from that chair in a heartbeat.........

Oh, and as a Canadian, I will let you in on a little secret.....All villages in Canada are remote...... but we don't all say "eh", live in igloos, eat moosemeat.....and only the Newfies say "oot" & "aboot"

Mrs. Chicken said...

Dude - time for a new dentist.

Lisa said...

Aaaaah!! I wasn't even there and I'm running screaming for you. I HATE dentists. That would just seal it for me. I'd never go to a dentist again.

Did I mention I hate dentists?

emma said...

I would have insisted she have a thorough gargle with mouthwash before she stuck her alcohol reeking mouth anywhere near my face. Still, she sounds quite entertaining!

Diana said...

You should have told her to squeal like a fish just so you could hear what one would sound like...because now I"M curious.
I used to wear braces- covered by two different insurances (divorced parents) and I swear he would look at me and just picture that house in the Hamptons he wanted-and probably got because of me...

InterstellarLass said...

I've found a pretty good one that I like. He doesn't seem creepy, and his hygenist is a cute guy.

MamaLee said...

RUN AWAY!

But I hate dentists. The dentist I had growing up always had peanut butter breath. Better than alcohol, I think?

Jonathon said...

A drunk DMV employee? OK. A tipsy meter maid? Sure.

A dentist who's shoving sharp metal objects into my mouth?

Dude, get a new denstist.

chanchow said...

Looks like you survived this time, but definitely get a new dentist.

Betty said...

RUN FORREST RUN!! OMG! I would definitely make up some lousy excuses and run like the wind out of there. I did tell this one dentist that I'd rather give birth again then go to a dentist. And I meant it!!

T. said...

Dude, as a Canuck living outside a remote village, I'd like to point out we don't have some weird Persian accent.

Try Nordic.

Eh.

As for the dentist, I'd have told her I had to go potty and then run screaming for the car.

Tell us, what did a manly man like you do?

Rob Barron said...

That's not good.

I, too, have an aversion to dentists. My dentist just retired. He was a great guy and a terrific dentist.

The doc who bought the practice is a bit of a yuppie and I don't think I like him.

Normally I'd just stop going to dentists altogether, but I'm at the age where regular visits are a good thing.

Damn it all.

Arwen said...

I just clenched my mouth shut reading that. I bite dentists, they freak me out. I do have a good dentist now but he knows how nervous I get around him.

Joke said...

Dude,

Find a Mormon dentist who graduated Summa Cum Laude and has a generous hand with the anesthesia.

-J.

radioactive girl said...

I have the best dentist ever. He tells me how pretty and white and perfect my teeth are...you can't beat that. I am a sucker for compliments!

Desiree said...

You certainly are polite! I hope she wasn't filling or extracting anything or worse performing any root canals! ugh!

dennis said...

I gotta tell ya' in the two seconds after hearing the tools hit the floor you would have hear the echos of my feet hitting the floor...

Bob said...

No way would I have stayed willingly in "The Chair" after what you described. In fact, my dentist keeps telling me it's time for another checkup. Dude, can you give me directions to that remote cave in Guam?

cry it out! said...

I'd call her up the night before your appt and go out on the town with her. At least you'll save money on Novacaine ...

Mrs. Chicky said...

Since I become paralyzed with fear upon sitting in "the chair" I would have stayed and finished out the appointment but then I'd get a new dentist.

It's one thing to have a drunk OB-Gyn, but a dentist? No freakin' way.

Kristen said...

Omygod, RUN! RUN FAR, FAR AWAY!!!

Jenifer said...

Oh I'm not sure what I would have done.... if it was just a cleaning maybe the benefit of the doubt.... any needles or drills entering my mouth however and I think I would have requested a breathalyzer!!

junebee said...

Tony, you anti-dentite!! What is it with dentists? They're flaky people that really didn't make it in medical school? Another blog I read, the dentist walked out in the middle of the woman's appointment because he had forgotten to buy an anniversary gift for his wife.

Find a new dentist, preferably through AA.

creative-type dad said...

Lots of "scared of dentist" people here! Are you all english?

Actually, I was suppose to get more work done, but I asked her just to clean my teeth because I was going to be late for a meeting (totally made up) and then the assistant did most of it.

Alexander said...

I have the best dentist ever. He tells me how pretty and white and perfect my teeth. He is Dr. Larry Lu.

garydrew01 said...

In my experience in the world of dentistry, I am never ashamed like what the patient is saying on the blog. It's because I trust my dentist 100%, he's from Tooth Extraction Orange County and he's really doing good.