Monday, September 22, 2008

How To Get A Princess To Behave


I was chatting with a fellow Dad at my daughter’s preschool about his son’s crazy obsession with Batman. The costume(s), the jumping off sofa and maybe occasional building; the permanent bat cave installation under the dining table, and the special Batman diet of only potato chips and hot dogs.
I told him he had it easy, my daughter is obsessed with Princesses. Which is just like Batman if he wore pink and sang to animals.

I’m not sure exactly when this all happened; maybe sometime around her 2nd birthday when somebody showed her the Cinderella movie for about 5 minutes. That’s when it became her crack.
At times it can be annoying:

“No, mice aren’t going to pick up that mess you’ve made”
“No, that magic wand isn’t going to make that kid playing with your toys disappear

At times it can be used for my advantage:

“If you don’t behave (holding cell phone to ear) I’m calling Cinderella and she’s going to ask for her stuff back!”

So far, my 3 years of parenting has taught me the "Princess" method sometimes works much better than "time-out" method.
Recently we had the opportunity to see Julie Andrews and a certain Mom asked her if she had any advice for a little Princess.
She did and this is what she said (in her really cool accent):

Princess Rules
A Princess always uses “Please” and “Thank You”
A Princess always thinks of others before herself
A Princess never slouches

Although good, I don’t think there are nearly enough especially for a 3-year old. So I’ve added a few to the list:

Princess Rules (v.2 additions)
A Princesses ALWAYS go poop on the potty.
A Princess NEVER whines.
A Princess NEVER asks, “What are we going to eat?” after leaving a restaurant.
A Princess NEVER watches the Doodlebops, Dora, Yo Gabba Badda, or the new Beverly Hills “90210”

39 comments:

Amrita said...

That 's hillarious Tony

for a different kind of girl said...

It's that damn new 90210 that's going to keep me an evil stepsister forever!

(evil Dora is perfection! I bet that backpack is stuffed with the skins of those who dared try to keep her off High Mountain!)

Krista said...

My little girl LOVED princesses from the ages of 2-4. Now that she is five she hasn't been as obsessive. I used to use the "Princesses don't throw trantrums. Princesses ALWAYS have their hair done." But, it never really worked in my favor. Your Princess will probably grow out of it...slowly.

Artist Unplugged said...

You forgot "A Princess always eats her KFC chicken with a fork!" When my son was 3 his favorite show was "Today's Special", set in a dept. store, with puppets and people. One people character was a mannequin that came to life when he wore his newsboy hat and froze back when it came off-only the magic words would bring him back to life. Naturally, my BigBoy had a newsboy hat and once as we were quickly walking through a large store, he was behind me as we went through a narrow place and as I turned around, there he was... frozen..."say the magic words mama, say the magic words!" he said, barely moving his lips. Quietly as possible I said, "hocus-pocus agalamocious!" Fortunately, it worked and we continued on. He's 20 now, and doesn't do it very much anymore....more like, fix the magic food mom.

nonlineargirl said...

The moment I started reading I thought "well, princesses MUST be good for potty training, right?"

Ben and Bennie said...

Artist Unplugged beat me to the KFC rule. So let me had that Princesses can dance on the ceiling.

Mac and Cheese said...

My "princess" never poops on the potty. Did your tactic help?

Beck said...

The Baby has somehow missed the whole princess thing, although all of her buddies (the girl ones) come dressed to nursery school in ballgowns, tiaras and slippery little plastic heels. She just announced that she wants to be a marshmallow for Halloween. I have obviously failed her.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

You forgot, "A Princess never farts or burps." and "A Princess never says 'Fuck me!'"

Steph said...

I'd love to read your review of the new "90210"!

The Real Mother Hen said...

hhmm, in comparison, the Bratz dolls, Spears Sisters, the Lohan family, and whatever else out there make 90210 sound like a kid show, you know :)

LOL!

Kristen said...

also, "a princess never uses one of mommy's drumsticks to remove a wedgie from her butt".

Unfortunately my daughter wants to be a "duck farmer" and not a princess, so maybe that is what they do...

creative-type dad said...

Mac and Cheese -- Sometimes. I think my next method is going to use duct tape and a toilet.

Beck -- A marshmallow?! Your kid is cool.

Steph -- I can't stand those new kids. Well, except the new main girl. The others not so much. And I keep thinking to myself "who would make Kelly Taylor a guidance counselor??"

Kristen -- A Duck farmer!? Your kid is cool too.

Belle said...

I already had a 4 year old batman when the little princess came along. Many years later, batman is a budding lawyer and the princess has taken a shine to Lilly Pulitzer. Apparently I am the fairy godmother. What would that make my husband...Alfred??

womaninawindow said...

I daughter was a princess for two years and then quit cold turkey. Trust me, enjoy the princess years. The come down after is hell!

the weirdgirl said...

Damn, I'll never be a princess because of 90210!

But then I knew that... I'm pretty sure there's a virgin clause to being a princess.

(I'd keep encouraging the princess thing into the teen years.)

Steph said...

" 'And I keep thinking to myself "who would make Kelly Taylor a guidance counselor??' "

She could be the high school sex therapist, perhaps.

Do you remember the old 90210 episode where Brandon and his girlfriend du jour went to a school assembly; Rosie O'Donnell was the speaker, and she asked them if they were "doing it". Or somethign to that effect. LOL. ;)

Kelley said...

Phew. Glad you didn't mention that a princess never watches The Hills... cause I am totally a princess.

Just ask my husband.

Bree said...

I still got 2 princesses over here, with no end in sight.

DORA IS EVIL AND MUST BE DESTROYED. She can go hang out with Barney.

Good stuff, old friend!

Whit said...

Funny that boys don't have a prince fascination (not the singer).

Dad Stuff said...

Princesses also never have boyfriends until they are 30.

sari said...

I'm glad I have all sons. If I had to go through the Princess Phase I think I'd go screamingly insane.

Of course, I could be jinxing myself here, but then again, I don't know. You never know if any of what you're doing is right.

socaltransplant said...

Whatever gets you through it all. By the way, KFC is giving away free picnic baskets. See here:


http://fastfood.freedomblogging.com/2008/08/21/freebie-alert-kfc-giving-away-picnic-cooler-bags/

www.xanga.com/socaltransplant

April said...

I'm sorry?? What?? You just happened to get the opportunity to see Julie Andrews?? In person?? Julie Andrews?? Mary Poppins?? How did you get this magical opportunity? Julie Andrews is my Elvis. If I ever saw her I would cry and scream and jump up and down and act like a thirteen year old at a Jonas Brothers concert. I am sure that is why the universe has never given me the opportunity to meet her. But I love her. So fingers crossed, some day... God I am so jealous right now.

Sarah O. said...

Just so you know, I linked to you today. You know, because you're awesome and junk.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Ouch - you caught me slouching. I'm going to have my princess license revoked if I'm not careful.

Red Cup Mom said...

What? What's wrong with watching the new 90210? I can't get over that poofy hair do for the villain.

Darren said...

You'll miss the princesses once life becomes more about Hannah, the Cheetah Girls and High School Musical. Trust me on that one.

Kristin said...

A Princess shuns thong underwear and will not want to go to Cabo, Fort Lauderdale or Padre Island for Spring Break.

I'm planning ahead.

Suburban Kamikaze said...

The primary responsibility of the princess is to make the queen look good.

SK

carrie said...

I need to post those updated princess rules for a certain someone in our family. STAT.

Tova Darling said...

Haha! This is fantastic. "A princess always goes poop on the potty" is totally my new motto.

Bee Repartee said...

haha, you could write a book on this. Dr. Spock has no.thing. on you.

Zoe said...

princesses DO NOT call people "poop". princesses DO NOT dig in their nose for gold. princesses DO NOT paint their hair with spaghetti. princesses DO NOT pull their swim suit bottoms down at the splash pad so that water sprays on their naked bum.

creative-type dad said...

Zoe -- Seems like our Princesses come from the same kingdom.

Kristin -- You're scaring me...

Nil Zed said...

Queen SK: definately the right tack to take.

painted maypole said...

you gabba gabba is more annoying than even teletubbies, and that is saying something

muskrat said...

i tell my daughter that a princess does not spill paint in the garage. and then i show her my scars on my forearm and say, "or else her delicate arms look like this."

princes bender, role model to us all.

creative-type dad said...

muskrat -- If a Princess school is ever built, you should run it.

painted maypole -- It is! I don't know any sane parent that let's their kids watch.