Sunday, March 04, 2007

Wanted: Somebody To Discreetly Take Away The New Drum Set The Neighbor Kid Just Got


Actually, I think I just want to hire some muscle or “Dog: the Bounty Hunter.” I don't care what it costs - take my MINI Cooper (the oil changes are freakin' expensive anyway, and I don't even want to know what it cost to change the brakes.) This kid needs to be stopped!

Our new obnoxious neighbors just keep getting worse. We use to live in what we considered the 'best neighborhood this side of the Mississippi' or this side of 'the 5' (L.A. reference.)
The neighbors are great, most have kids (we have one too), we watch each others pets while gone, we have block parties on major summer holidays. Everybody gets along, drinks respectable wine, and we have quite a diverse set of families. Sure, the wife and I aren't 100% completely happy with our house, we would like more space and the yard is small, but we're fine with it - because it's hard to find good neighbors.

Enter the new "family". Essentially a porn producer, his teenage son, and his girlfriend (actually she's no 'girl' anymore...) She’s this middle-aged Asian woman with a bad boob job (size DD & D), dresses like Lindsay Lohan (just wrong, especially on this woman) and has some weird eyelid surgery thing going on which makes her look like a Muppet with heavy makeup (or a really bad transvestite that just walked away from a train accident.) Oh, and did I mention she owns some massage parlors around town (so I've heard...)
I’m not even going to start on the dude of the house.

O.K. I understand these people need to make a living to pay for their big fancy hoopty SUV's and LCD TV's in their gold trimmed bathroom, right? I get that. But they're not to nicest people; they're really rude to everybody and make no qualms about it, even to the point of blocking driveways.
Then they give the kid a drum set and let him play at 10pm with the window open. What's wrong with this world!?

While taking out the trash cans tonight, I saw a box for an electric guitar. Just great - I'm guessing he's scoring his dad's films with that "chika-chika, waa-waa" music...

This is no place to raise a kid.

28 comments:

Kate said...

How high can fences go?

What assholes. You have my sympathies.

metro mama said...

Our neighbourhood is a mixed bag. We have some pretty freaky characters across the street. Still better than the 'burbs.

Em said...

Sounds like it is time for you to start playing the trumpet. At night. LATE at night.

And we definitely need to hear more stories about this family! LOL

radioactive girl said...

I'm sorry! That stinks! We have really great neighbors, but my husband's cousin who lives a few neighborhoods away is in an all out war with their neighbors. It is funny (to us) because they both have really high fences around just the one side of each of their houses that touch, and when they see each other, they look away or make mean gestures at each other. I feel extremely lucky after we are over there that our neighbors are so nice.

Good luck! Maybe they will move soon?

Tuesday Girl said...

It is time to plant some tall bushes.

I like my neighborhood but there is nobody younger then 50 here, nobody our age with young kids. Boring.

Diana said...

That sucks...but will you try to snag a pic of the asain girlfriend? I have to see her muppet eyes! LOL!
I have no solutions- all my neighbors pretty much stay in the house, I picked a nice quiet street just for that. Nobody has moved in like fifteen years...i just hope it stays that way...

Redneck Mommy said...

I have no solutions...I live out in the sticks on twenty acres, completely surrounded by trees and my neighbours are freaking hillbillies.

Real, live hillbillies. They have tractor races at midnight and set off fireworks when someone catches a racoon.

Not to mention, the man of the house comes over now and then to pee at my feet.

True story dude.

So, it could be worse.

And Tony, you gotta get a pic of the freaky muppet eyes.

We need a laugh.

junebee said...

I'm gathering you don't have a homeowner's association. I know when you're trying to get an infant or small child to sleep you really wish you lived out in the middle of NOWHERESVILLE.

Whit said...

Our neighbors, on all three sides, have dirtbikes. They ride said dirtbikes in their yards at 7 a.m. on Sunday mornings. Who the hell does that?

Besides them I mean.

MamaLee said...

I'm so sorry to hear this! I wonder if there is ANYTHING you can do.

Oh, The Joys said...

Heh. I like the trumpet idea.

Dad Stuff said...

A running lawn mower can sometimes be effective. Or better yet, when the drums start, crank up some Enya music and point it toward their house.

Maria said...

Good fences make good neighbors and all that shit...but..an electric fence could be really, really fun.

And, yeah...I SO want to see a pic of a middle aged muppet eyed woman with a rack. Why do they always wear the Lindsay/Britney/Tori clothes?

Pageant Mom said...

And people wonder why we live so far out in the country...

InterstellarLass said...

I hear you can make public nuisance calls to the police...maybe a little corrective action is needed. Is there an HOA or something?

dennis said...

did you ever find out which massage parlors?

wayabetty said...

Oh, I feel your pain Tony! We had to move b/c of bad neighbors and they sold their condo right after we sold ours. Damn neighbor!

And Dennis is a funny guy isn't he?!

CrankMama said...

Dude. I'm sorry. That sucks
Earplugs. That's the good word for today. Ear. Plugs.

creative-type dad said...

dennis - I'll send you a coupon. Two 'happy endings' for the price of one.

InterstellarLass - yes, we do have an HOA (which have cited them on a few things we good neighbors have grouped about), we'll called the police several times (they know), and we're all hoping one day soon they'll move back to Van Nuys

Maria - I tried taking a picture with my camera phone, it came out all fuzzy, like bigfoot (except with weird boobs). I need to try being stealthy. I'm on a mission...

~*Kelli*~ said...

Yeah, I was gonna say "keep calling the police"..but I see you already have. I believe in sabotage. Try some of that.

Or even better, go over there and tell them you'd like to share bible stories...every day! bwah hah hah.

kittenpie said...

Gah! Bad neighbours can make life hell. Here's hoping they can't keep up the payments?

sweatpantsmom said...

Hey - do you live next door to us? We've got the Asian chick, the kid with the electric guitar, the kid with the drum set.

Oh wait - we're not porn producers.

Yet.

PunditMom said...

I guess you can always hope that they won't like the neighborhood because it's too repectable ...???

scribbit said...

Ear plugs anyone?

JayMonster said...

I dunno, this is going to take something downright evil to stop them.

Maybe send them a case of Sugar-Free Little Browines?

creative-type dad said...

JayMonster - I'm hitting myself thinking "why didn't I think of that!!!"

PunditMom - Wouldn't that be funny if they did?! I doubt it though. Maybe if I got boobs they would. On the other hand, maybe not...

Tinkleberry said...

I should tell you about my neighbor. argh. But I hear ya.

Jane said...

I had 2 sons in a band ~ guitars, drums, trumpets, etc. I know our neighbors hated us too. My sympathies, but they do grow up and become real musicians!