Thursday, March 01, 2007

Girl Scout Cookies Are Phat – Except Ones With Fake Sugar


Has anybody tried the new ‘Sugar-Free Little Brownies’? They’re not really brownies, they’re more like hard cookies that taste like Nyquil mixed with 2-Buck Chuck.

I tried to ‘like’ them by eating 3 - I thought my palette ‘needed to be cleansed’ or something like that, but no they tasted worse with every bite.
I didn’t know what to do with them after nearly spitting out the 3rd (I couldn’t just throw them away, some orphan in China spent hours baking them in her Easy Bake oven.) I had a few options 1-Take them back to the parent (that’s rude, it’s not his fault) 2-Stick a little sign in it that says Free Bird Food and put them in the hall at work (people love free food in the halls) 3- Use good ol’ fashion bartering—

I ran into a fellow co-worker on the way to the bathroom:

Me: Hey, did you get your Girl Scout cookies from Bob?

Co-Worker Gigi: You mean Natasha?

Me: Yeah, him too.

Co-Worker Gigi: Not yet. I got a box of Thin Mints.

Me: You’re lucky. I got the new Sugar-Free brownies that kind of taste like dog butt or licking the sidewalk.

Co-Worker Gigi: (strange look, uncomfortable pause)

Me: I’ll trade you for some Thin Mints?

Co-Worker Gigi: (pause) No, that’s OK…

Me: You sure? They taste just like Diet Coke! I’m sure your kids love Diet Coke!

Co-Worker Gigi: I don’t have any kids.

My sales tactic needs some work.

The wife tried one (or 2) last night and it had the same effect on her. She told me I deserved it for trying to get ‘all healthy’ with the Girl Scout cookies. I didn’t buy them because they were ‘Sugar-Free’, I bought them because any mention of ‘Brownie’ sounded pretty good at the time (kind of like how Popcorn Chicken sounds good about now...)
My advice to those who haven’t bought any yet – stay away from the ‘Sugar-Free Little Brownies’! And you Girl Scouts – give me some sugar (in those Brownies!)

25 comments:

The Real Mother Hen said...

I quite like the littlebrowniebakers SITE (emphasis added) that you had a link to - like it because it's totaly insane (that's being polite)... and it has a recipe for using the brownies to make a Healthier Diet Coke though! Wanna try that and let us know?

Maria said...

I always buy the thin mints. If I am going to eat a cookie, it better not be good for me.

And while I have never eaten popcorn chicken, I have been known on one occasion to eat an entire container of mashers slathered with gravy.

Which is why I am no longer able to sit down in my jeans.

~*Kelli*~ said...

That reminds me of that horrible joke that guys always tell...that they got kicked out of Boy Scouts for "eating a Brownie"....

I figured you were going there...glad you didn't.

Sugar Free almost always means "taste free"

MamaLee said...

I think sugar free anything is illegal in 27 states...

Sarah O. said...

1. ctd, throw out any sugar free baked goods you ever come across. They're all horrible.

2. Girl Scout Thin Mints are actually not very unhealthy. They're relatively low-cal and low-fat.

3. I know all of this from years of GS Cookie selling (in January - in Chicago - WTF?!) and from reading their nutrition facts to neighbor women who - for real - ask which cookie is lowest-cal.

Pageant Mom said...

Unless you are diabetic, what's the point?? If I'm going to have a cookie, I want a REAL cookie (dammit)!!!

CrankMama said...

EWWWW

But wait. Who lets you teach? and what?

Lisa said...

You shoulda stuck with the thin mints. Yum!

Momish said...

Thanks for the warning! Athought, I am with your wife, there is no point to eating a girl scout cookie with no sugar! I probably would have snubbed the healthy alternative for sure.

Redneck Mommy said...

First off, I'm curious to know how exactly you discovered what a dog's butt tastes like? Did you at one point lick a certain dog's bottom?

Aren't there laws against that?

And secondly, yum, girl scout cookies. When the Bug died that was the only thing that kept me from wasting away to nothing. People kept bringing me the Thin Mint cookies...

Yum.

Diana said...

Personally I like the caramel delites, unfortunately they are so rich (and sugary!) I can usually only eat two and have to give the rest away! (Oh no!)

And I agree with kelli, nothing sugar-free tastes good.

Em said...

Thin Mints, Tony, always the Thin Mints! Reliable and tasty. And since it is minty fresh, you can eat a cookie as a substitute for brushing.

radioactive girl said...

When I used to do some sales of food, it was funny. The things I said were bad, or that I didn't like actually sold the most because people wanted to see what I was talking about. I said something about the mustard tasting like I imagined poison would and it flew out of stock. I said the brownies kind of tasted like chocolate tums and people could not buy them fast enough. Perhaps you just needed to think of strange things to compare them to so he would have liked to try them to see what the hell you were talking about.

I am totally against fat free cookies because if I wanted something healthy, I wouldn't be choosing cookies in the first place. I just want the real full fat yummy stuff.

Dan said...

We don't have girl scout cookies over here in england. The nearest we get to it is bob-a-job, do you have that?

I was never in the cubs or the scouts, it was too rough for me. i was a true wimp.

L.A. Daddy said...

Hmm. Have to stay away from those.

Over the years, I keep trying Trader Joe's "healthy" hotdogs. Soy and veggie and a whole host of non-meat-ish hot dogs but every time I get burned. I have no sense of smell or taste and I STILL can't stand any of the damn things. And, yet, I keep tryin' 'em.

On to my Thin Mints. Sorry, bub. No trades.

chanchow said...

I got two boxes of thin mints. Not too sweet, not too rich. The best!

InterstellarLass said...

Just go for the sugar! It's a cookie! That's what you get for trying to eat a healthy cookie! :)

I love the samoas. They're my favorite. Caramel, coconut, chocolate and cookie...the four C food groups.

creative-type dad said...

The Real Mother Hen - It says 'dirt cake' not diet coke! (that would be pretty funny if it did..)

Everybody--- Yes! I did finally get some Thin Mints - by far the best of the bunch in my opinion.

Dan - Bob-a-job? that sounds a little dirty...

scribbit said...

My favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor has Girl Scout chocolate mint cookie chunks in it, and it's as close to heaven as you can get in this life.

Ruth Dynamite said...

Oh, they told me about the new "fat-free/sugar-free" options when I bought my cookies, but I was all "Uh uh. I want thin mints and tagalongs. Extra fat and sugar, please."

Jonathon said...

I think the fact that they were advertised as healthy was fair warning that they'd taste like ass.

Pattie said...

I try to stay away from anything labeled sugar or fat free. I am always gravely disappointed.

Bring on the Thin Mints!

mrsmogul said...

I used to buy the Thin Mints! They're great in the freezer!

creative-type dad said...

scribbit -- I need to find this ice scream you speak of...!!

Octopus Grigori said...

I almost bought those! Luckily, I had a feeling they would taste like poop. I hope you eventually got some Thin Mints.