Thursday, March 01, 2007
Girl Scout Cookies Are Phat – Except Ones With Fake Sugar
Has anybody tried the new ‘Sugar-Free Little Brownies’? They’re not really brownies, they’re more like hard cookies that taste like Nyquil mixed with 2-Buck Chuck.
I tried to ‘like’ them by eating 3 - I thought my palette ‘needed to be cleansed’ or something like that, but no they tasted worse with every bite.
I didn’t know what to do with them after nearly spitting out the 3rd (I couldn’t just throw them away, some orphan in China spent hours baking them in her Easy Bake oven.) I had a few options 1-Take them back to the parent (that’s rude, it’s not his fault) 2-Stick a little sign in it that says “Free Bird Food” and put them in the hall at work (people love free food in the halls) 3- Use good ol’ fashion bartering—
I ran into a fellow co-worker on the way to the bathroom:
Me: Hey, did you get your Girl Scout cookies from Bob?
Co-Worker Gigi: You mean Natasha?
Me: Yeah, him too.
Co-Worker Gigi: Not yet. I got a box of Thin Mints.
Me: You’re lucky. I got the new Sugar-Free brownies that kind of taste like dog butt or licking the sidewalk.
Co-Worker Gigi: (strange look, uncomfortable pause)
Me: I’ll trade you for some Thin Mints?
Co-Worker Gigi: (pause) No, that’s OK…
Me: You sure? They taste just like Diet Coke! I’m sure your kids love Diet Coke!
Co-Worker Gigi: I don’t have any kids.
My sales tactic needs some work.
The wife tried one (or 2) last night and it had the same effect on her. She told me I deserved it for trying to get ‘all healthy’ with the Girl Scout cookies. I didn’t buy them because they were ‘Sugar-Free’, I bought them because any mention of ‘Brownie’ sounded pretty good at the time (kind of like how Popcorn Chicken sounds good about now...)
My advice to those who haven’t bought any yet – stay away from the ‘Sugar-Free Little Brownies’! And you Girl Scouts – give me some sugar (in those Brownies!)