Sunday, September 30, 2007

Why Do Teenagers Have To Be So Weird Looking? They’re Scaring Little Kids


Blame it on global warming – maybe the melting glaciers are releasing mutant teenagers to live among us? Or it could be all that senseless booty rap and rock music on ‘the MTV’ they listen to these days.

Today I thought I would try out the kids club 'child care' program at my gym. There were 3 teenagers running the joint, 2 guys and 1 girl. I must commend the place on hiring the guys since most places discriminate against male child workers – I wrote about that here. Although, I think this place should be an exception.
After signing my daughter in, ready to leave for my workout, she starting tearing like I’ve never seen before. The look on her face was simply fear for her life. Shaking, holding onto my leg, looking up at me with completely red eyes like I was leaving her forever. Side note: my daughter is the biggest extrovert when it comes to strangers (which scares my wife and I on occasion…)

Daughter: No Daddy, don’t go. Please daddy! PLEASE (the BIGGEST puppy dog eyes I’ve ever seen -- what? Did they grow somehow?)

She wasn’t yelling either, just genuinely scared. All while a big tear slowly rolled down her cheek.

Then I looked up and took a good look at the place. This one teen guy nearby was wearing this huge 4 sizes too big beaten up Ozzy shirt, he was crawling on the ground with this dirty, crusty clown hand puppet (which was missing an eye) and had the biggest Asian fro I’ve ever seen (it was literally the size of 4 heads.) And he was calling my daughters name in this whisper “Hey, hey - come play with me…”
The other guy was wearing some kind of girl’s striped stockings up to his knees, with all black clothes and jet-black hair to match. I even think he was wearing eye mascara (who do you think you are? Robert Smith!!)
The girl had about 100 piercings - on her head alone! And her lizard tongue seem to be taking a swipe at the nearby flies. Or she was toying with her tongue hinge.

Where are all the kids? I hear them, but I only see like, 2.

I walked with my daughter over to the toys and play equipment – they actually have a lot of pretty cool stuff she loves - under normal circumstances. I walked with her over to this cute kid-sized Nantucket playhouse and inside we saw the eyes of about 6 kids huddled in a dark corner.
One of the kids said to me “please sir, get my mommy…”

We walked over the back room with craft tables and a normal looking woman was there with a little girl about my daughter’s age.

Me: Hello, please tell me you’re in charge here…?

Woman: Actually, I’m not. This is my daughter and she told me that if I left her alone, she would sue me when she’s 5. And by the way, that kid behind you is 'patient 0' and is infected with something I’ve never seen before…

I quickly turned around and this kids’ face was covered in booger crust (no joking!) and he was reaching for my daughters’ mouth in slow motion (I could hear his whistling nose get louder and louder with each breathe he made...) I yanked her away and told her to stay away from him.

OK, that’s it. I picked up my daughter and told the teenagers I was signing her out. The girl said “Are you sure, it’s really fun here” (as she was playing with her tongue piercing…)

Later my wife admitted that the kids working there are pretty scary but that our daughter knows how to play me to get what she wants.
I immediate shot back with “I think those kids in that playhouse would seriously disagree with you!!!”

31 comments:

Lisa said...

I try really hard not to judge people by their looks, so I'm really hoping you took some liberties in describing these teens, and the other children huddled in the playhouse. If not, with that said, I would have run out the door with my child and probably cancelled my membership too. Ugh!

Kelley said...

Hey, I am the parent of teenagers. I have got 'sucker' tattooed on my forehead.
That said, my daughter came home from a weekend away AND a trip to the city with $90 change from $100. Unbelievable! Now either I have been suckered HARD somehow or I have finally outwitted the little buggers...... Methinks it is the former.

Thankfully my kids don't have any piercings but all the 'guy friends' are wearing makeup. Best come back for that is to tell 'em that the girls daddy used to wear that outfit/makeup in the 80's.

Maureen said...

OMG... I don't care what others thought. If she was that scared and they looked like that, I would have turned on my heel and walked out with her in my arms. Sorry, but when you're working with young children, there should be SOME sort of level of acceptible attire. Sounds like they would fit right in at Hot Topic or Spencer's... but not a child care facility.

mama speak said...

Call me crazy, but maybe you should comment to the management? I'm sure the kids working there are really nice & all, but when your child is used to teenagers on the Disneychannel I think I can understand your daughter's (and the other kids') fear.

"Being a teenager in the 80's I get the idea behind your self expression kids, however, you need to express yourself on your own dime away from my children thankyouverymuch."

If I'm paying for a membership and counting on the babysitting area so I can work out I expect that the people working with kids are at least semi-qualified to do so, at the very least I expect them to look qualified on some level. I'd be pissed if not.

Tuesday Girl said...

My gym has ok looking teenagers who work there, it is the toys that are old and scare me.

The Real Mother Hen said...

What an experience you have there!
It was quite serious because the kids were genuinely scared. I wouldn't tolerate it for a second.

painted maypole said...

OK that picture scared ME! But your post made me laugh!

chanchow said...

that picture is really horrifying...

Redneck Mommy said...

Did it perhaps occur to you that you may be getting old??

Cuz what's wrong with a piercing or two?

So what if I scare all my toddler nieces and nephews....

carrie said...

Our gym has a "childcare" area too, and I can't tell you how many butt cracks I've seen when I had my kids go in there . . . not to mention the communicable diseases. It's a weird phoenomenon, but you're not alone.

dennis said...

That kid with the infection sounds like he had something we called (when I had it) creeping crud. It was highly infectious and seemed to grow freakishly fast. However with acidic medicine and parents willing to peel me like a grape, it was soon a distant (re: blocked) memory--until your post.

Thank you.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Oh, those poor kids huddled in the playhouse! That sounds like one freaky place! I could never have left my kids in it; they'd have screamed like someone in a horror movie.

Pageant Mom said...

I don't mean to scare you, but I left Gizmo in a gym daycare center once, and she ended up a nasty (really nasty) with hand foot and mouth disease.

I never did that again.

Denguy said...

That's funny and scary.
We have similar "chidcare people" at my wife's gym. They are truly useless bozos, who pay little attention to the children.
We don't go there any more.

Whit said...

that's insane, I'm surprised they have jobs at all

creative-type dad said...

Denguy -- I think this may be a trend at all gym clubs. They just don't have the same standards as other places...

Pageant Mom -- NASTY!! I thought foot and mouth disease was only in 3rd world countries? Was the gym in China?

dennis -- I think if acid were thrown at that kids, fangs would have appeared and he would have crawled up the wall and ceiling...

Redneck Mommy -- Ain't nothin' wrong with a few. I think when you pass 10 you're a freak.

Tuesday Girl -- oddly enough, the toys didn't look bad. The place didn't smell bad either, only the teenagers smelled.

mama speak -- I'm the master of comment cards there.

Jenifer said...

I'm all for free expresson and stuff... but sometimes I think kids take it a bit too far...

By the way, that picture you used WILL give me nightmares, I just know it!

mrsmogul said...

Imagine if it was the punk rock days in LONDON!! The tongue piercing is a no no. I always turn right out the store when the girl wants to serve me a food item with seeing that. I'm not judgemental. Just pickY!

Pageant Mom said...

Nope there is such a thing and it is NASTY. She had sores all over her mouth and checks and the stench from it was horrific. Fortunately it didn't last long.

Not China. Upper middle class gym in the suburbs....

We might have had better luck with the punks.

Pageant Mom said...

oops meant to type "cheeks"

Dad Stuff said...

Self expression is fine, but there are certain workplaces that need standards of appearance and professionalism. Child care is one of them.
You can wear what you want at home but not at work.

Mrs. Chicky said...

It would be a cold day in hell when I would leave my kid at a place like that. But not necessarily because of the kids with the piercings, but because of Patient 0.

*shudder*

creative-type dad said...

Dad Stuff -- I think all child care workers should look like Mary Poppins.

Pageant Mom -- You're scaring me...!

mrsmogul -- Yeah, that tongue thing freaks me out, especially with food workers. I'm always afraid of biting down into some metal thing that fell out.

Ryan said...

Dude, that's crazy. They should definitely at least make the workers "de-Ozzy" themselves by wearing gym shirts or something a little more professinal and confidence inspiring for the parentals.

kittenpie said...

that's 'cause you live in LA.

kellyo75 said...

Damn! The kids who work at my gym are not that scary! I don't blame your poor daughter. i would have been scared too. Bless her heart! ALways trust her instincts. These kids are smart!

creative-type dad said...

kittenpie -- Yup! that's sad but true...

Ruth Dynamite said...

Yee-ikes! Not the booger crust! That scares me more than anything else.

Modified mummy said...

Well I guess I'm that teenager. Well, except I'm 21 and technically not a teenager anymore! But I do have the 'face full of metal' described. Thankfully none of the kids around here find me scary, they're just curious, as children often are. It's funny how even the toddlers/preschoolers aren't scared of me, they just wonder what they are.

Thankfully I don't scare my 3 year old son, but then again he's the one trying to be 'just like mummy', and wants 'pretty jewellery' like me :)

Anonymous said...
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aimee / greeblemonkey said...

"This is my daughter and she told me that if I left her alone, she would sue me when she’s 5" - bwaaa haa haa!