Sunday, September 16, 2007

Total Weekend Randomness: Because There Are Way Too Many Things Going On

O.J. Arrested Again!?
You know if I were O.J. and I killed my ex-wife and her boyfriend and then got away with it – I would be keeping a really low profile and I sure wouldn’t be doing anything fishy, you know like armed robbery.
I just find it odd that he could end up spending 30 years in jail for this and spent virtually nothing for manslaughter. Gotta' love the court system! By the way, I just got Jury Duty --again. That's always an interesting adventure.

Random Searches To Creative Type Dad
I get the weirdest searches here are a few recent ones (with commentary of course):

when do gummy bears come out and eat people – The day after Halloween, when they avenge the death of their fallen brothers
live monkeys for birthday parties – Monkeys really love to whack a banana-filled piƱata.
mayim bialik's bosom WHOA! Why would anybody want to see Blossom’s boobs?
i love to pee in my overalls! – Me too!
how to get alcohol smell out of mouth – I find KFC popcorn chicken usually does the trick
how to do facials for men – Rub motor oil on his face. But be sure to put pork grinds over his eyes first because motor oil stings like a mo-fo
midgets with mustaches - Can they be outlaws on horses? Or maybe playing poker?
how do five year olds act at chuck e. cheese? – like drunk frat guys

Sexual Harassment Training
I had to do 2-hours of mandatory training last week for work. Has anybody seen these training videos? They were actually very entertaining – almost like watching “The Office."

Conference room – Kayla stumbles in late and spills hot coffee on her white blouse
Bob: Whoa-oh - Wet t-shirt contest!!
(Bob, Steve, Larry all hoot like Arsenio Hall and high-5 each other)
Kayla: Bob, that was very unprofessional. I am a working member of this organization…
Bob: Hey-oh! From the looks of it, it just got cold in here too!!
(Bob, Steve, Larry all chest bump each other...)

(Scene freezes, gets partially dark and then a super-imposed gavel appears with text)
“Law and Order” Breathy Deep-Voice Guy: A real scenario - in 1998 Kayla took her case to a Federal Court, and her lawyer convinced a jury to award her $146 million in putative damages. Bob is now living in a cave in France and Steve and Larry are now prostitutes in Thailand.

Seriously, the videos were pretty ridiculous. I’ve known two cases of harassment at work at they didn’t sure happen like that.

My Daughter Was Either Very Angry With Mickey Or Was Afraid Because He Was 6 Feet Tall In Person
We went with some friends to Disneyland over the weekend, which was fun. Their daughter is a year older than mine and they play really well together. The park wasn’t too crowded, usually after Labor Day the crowds thin down significantly – the longest wait for a ride was about 15 minutes (kids rides of course.) But the line to see Mickey Mouse was crazy! It took us about 45 minutes to see him and when we did, my daughter unexpectedly yelled at him like he owed her money.

Daughter: NO MICKEY! BACK!
(she gave him dirty looks like he ate her puppy – maybe still chewing on it – Mickey looks sad, blows kisses, waves, dances..)
Me: What’s wrong? You wanted to see Mickey; there he is and now he’s sad because you’re not being nice. Don't you want him to make cartoons?
(Mickey Mouse clubhouse is her favorite show)
Daughter: (a little worried) Hi Mickey (blows him a kiss) Daddy - Let's go!

She ran out like she saw a Doodlebop with a chainsaw...

24 comments:

Whit said...

She better not have hurt Mickey's feelings too bad. My boys will be devastated if he retires.

Veronica Mitchell said...

I hope he goes to jail for thirty years. And has to wear your overalls.

The Real Mother Hen said...

Have a friend who works in an all-men office, and they had to go for Sexual Harassment Training, in particular, same-sex harassment! So he went and expected to watch angry men wrestling one another. But of course that didn't happen.

creative-type dad said...

Veronica Mitchell -- He robbed them from me last week.

The Real Mother Hen -- I believe it.
My first job (what seems like decades ago..) was just like those guys in that movie "40 year old virgin".
Guys can get pretty aggressive with each other because they think harassment can only be against women.

Sarah O. said...

So much news! I'm still laughing so I'll just say HI. The kids are back in school and I'm back on the computer while my robot vacuum does my housework.

Sarah O. said...

Oh, I changed my photo too. My Simpsonized self got rid of the fetching hairdryer.

Rock the Cradle said...

I'd freak out too if I saw a gigundo Mickey and I was expecting a tiny wee tv size mouse.

I expect the Impling would be screaming bloody murder. We'll just wait on the whole Disney thang for a while, I think.

Beck said...

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is The Baby's FAVORITE SHOW EVER and I cannot even imagine her Code Red level of terror should she actually meet his huge doppleganger.
I only ever get google searches for cupcake recipes.
That's the most awesome sexual harrasment EVER!

Ben & Bennie said...

I really needed that laugh today. I didn't need for my computer screen to have all of that...stuff...on it after I was finished though.

BTW, midget with mustaches ride ponies. Note that the ones that ride in the Kentucky Derby always have a close shave.

painted maypole said...

doodlebop with a chainsaw?!? I love that!

I think the jury will convict OJ just out of vengence for his last ridiculous trial. Heck, I think I would, if I were on that jury!

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

I'd be scared of a 6 foot mouse too.

And I CAN'T BELIEVE O.J.!!! I can't figure out if he thinks he is invisible, or he wanted to get caught, or he's just plain crazy.

kittenpie said...

WTF is with OJ? does the man think s he's now totally invincible and coated in teflon? SEriously. First with the book, now this?

creative-type dad said...

kittenpie & aimee / greeblemonkey -- O.J. thinks he's above the law. Just like Steven Seagal...

painted maypole -- You know, after I wrote that, it kind of scared me. I can easily see Moe with a chainsaw

Ben & Bennie -- yes! ponies...why didn't I think of that?!

dennis said...

I bet the chainsaw wielding Doodle Bop was Rooney. He just looks like a guy(?) on the edge! He's always just sooo blue!

carrie said...

I'll never look at a pair of overalls the same way again!

Weirdos.

Bananas said...

Well at least now I know about the gummy bears.

mamatulip said...

I like to pee in my overalls too. It's liberating.

Jenster said...

I just have to wonder what O.J. has been putting in his juice.

My son never liked any of the Disney characters when he was little, either. My daughter, on the other hand, was a bit of a stalker.

Diana said...

See, i thought deedee would be the one to go over the edge...she's way too happy. She's covering something up.
As for OJ...i'm with maypole!

Pageant Mom said...

I took a little advice from the Lillith character on Cheers...
She said she knew EXACTLY how to deal with men.

Scare them to death.

I didn't take four years of combat Aikijujutsu Aikido for nothing...

Jury Duty? Last time I had to serve it was on a murder trial. I never EVER want to do that again.

:o)

pixie said...

O.J. in jail = happy me, even if it's not for murder. It's like getting Capone for tax evasion -- whatever works, right?

creative-type dad said...

pixie -- exactly!!!

Pageant Mom -- I was on one of those about 8 years ago. Next time I'm making anything up to get out of that.

dennis -- yeah, I could see that. Actually I can picture any of them with a chainsaw

Jenifer said...

I KNEW Doodlebops carried chainsaws!!

My daughter was being her obnoxious self the other day and not sharing with her brother so I tried.. "Paige, what would Barney say about you not sharing?" (She LOVES Barney... you could see her eyes widen and the little gears turning in her head. "I don't like Barney today, I like Dora better!"

Sure you do.

Lisa b said...

Jury duty AGAIN?
Some guys have all the luck.