O.J. Arrested Again!?
You know if I were O.J. and I killed my ex-wife and her boyfriend and then got away with it – I would be keeping a really low profile and I sure wouldn’t be doing anything fishy, you know like armed robbery.
I just find it odd that he could end up spending 30 years in jail for this and spent virtually nothing for manslaughter. Gotta' love the court system! By the way, I just got Jury Duty --again. That's always an interesting adventure.
Random Searches To Creative Type Dad
I get the weirdest searches here are a few recent ones (with commentary of course):
when do gummy bears come out and eat people – The day after Halloween, when they avenge the death of their fallen brothers
live monkeys for birthday parties – Monkeys really love to whack a banana-filled piñata.
mayim bialik's bosom – WHOA! Why would anybody want to see Blossom’s boobs?
i love to pee in my overalls! – Me too!
how to get alcohol smell out of mouth – I find KFC popcorn chicken usually does the trick
how to do facials for men – Rub motor oil on his face. But be sure to put pork grinds over his eyes first because motor oil stings like a mo-fo
midgets with mustaches - Can they be outlaws on horses? Or maybe playing poker?
how do five year olds act at chuck e. cheese? – like drunk frat guys
Sexual Harassment Training
I had to do 2-hours of mandatory training last week for work. Has anybody seen these training videos? They were actually very entertaining – almost like watching “The Office."
Conference room – Kayla stumbles in late and spills hot coffee on her white blouse
Bob: Whoa-oh - Wet t-shirt contest!!
(Bob, Steve, Larry all hoot like Arsenio Hall and high-5 each other)
Kayla: Bob, that was very unprofessional. I am a working member of this organization…
Bob: Hey-oh! From the looks of it, it just got cold in here too!!
(Bob, Steve, Larry all chest bump each other...)
(Scene freezes, gets partially dark and then a super-imposed gavel appears with text)
“Law and Order” Breathy Deep-Voice Guy: A real scenario - in 1998 Kayla took her case to a Federal Court, and her lawyer convinced a jury to award her $146 million in putative damages. Bob is now living in a cave in France and Steve and Larry are now prostitutes in Thailand.
Seriously, the videos were pretty ridiculous. I’ve known two cases of harassment at work at they didn’t sure happen like that.
My Daughter Was Either Very Angry With Mickey Or Was Afraid Because He Was 6 Feet Tall In Person
We went with some friends to Disneyland over the weekend, which was fun. Their daughter is a year older than mine and they play really well together. The park wasn’t too crowded, usually after Labor Day the crowds thin down significantly – the longest wait for a ride was about 15 minutes (kids rides of course.) But the line to see Mickey Mouse was crazy! It took us about 45 minutes to see him and when we did, my daughter unexpectedly yelled at him like he owed her money.
Daughter: NO MICKEY! BACK!
(she gave him dirty looks like he ate her puppy – maybe still chewing on it – Mickey looks sad, blows kisses, waves, dances..)
Me: What’s wrong? You wanted to see Mickey; there he is and now he’s sad because you’re not being nice. Don't you want him to make cartoons?
(Mickey Mouse clubhouse is her favorite show)
Daughter: (a little worried) Hi Mickey (blows him a kiss) Daddy - Let's go!
She ran out like she saw a Doodlebop with a chainsaw...