Saturday, November 01, 2008

What’s It’s Like Having The Scariest House In The Neighborhood


This Halloween I discovered the best way to scare kids.

It wasn’t the traditional decorations of skeletons, cobwebs, inflatable spiders, talking tombstones, vibrating ghosts, strobe lights, or smoke machines that suburban houses have been using for 1,000’s of years since the birth of The Great Pumpkin.

And it wasn’t the Lionel Richie pumpkin I carved which greeted them with the words “Hello” on it.

Nope, none of that!

It was the CD playing Lionel Richie’s “Penny Lover”, “Running With The Night”, and “All Night Long” on repeat.

A conversation with Optimus Prime and Mulan :
OP/Mulan: What kind of Halloween music is that?
CTD: “Running With the Night” is about running from synchronized dancing zombies in suits and hats.
OP/Mulan: That sounds scary!!
CTD: It is. I pray that you'll never have to experience it.

A conversation with Spiderman:
Spidey: Is that Halloween music?
CTD: Yes it is. “All Night Long” is about running from synchronized dancing zombies in black leather pants.
Spidey: Creepy!
CTD: Yes. Men in black leather pants usually are.

A conversation with 6-year old Hannah Montana in an oversized creepy blonde wig:
HM: Who sings that music?
CTD: Why, it’s the great Lionel Richie.
HM: Who?
CTD: ...Nicole Richie’s Dad...

(Confused look)

HM: She has a Dad?

34 comments:

Whirlwind said...

I love the conversation wit Hannah Montana. If you told my six year old that, she's probably say "Nicole who". Thankfully, she's not up on pop -culture. It's saved me from needing to shell out $600 a ticket for Hannah Montana and from watching HSM. Which was strange, because she did try to get me to buy her a HM lamp the other day.

Love the pumpkin. It turned out great.

womaninawindow said...

Was that last one fur real? 'Cause that one has me rolling. Real or not, don't let me know. Sometimes the great mysteries of the world with Lionel Ritchie at the centre just need to roll out freely upon the universe. Ya, like that.

HappyHourSue said...

Ain't nothin' scarier that a glowing Jeri-Curl.

You rock!

HappyHourSue said...

I tried to add you to my Google Reader but it says "the feed you requested can't be found."?????

Sue said...

What. A. Riot!

SciFi Dad said...

Thanks. Now my nightmares will feature a glowing Lionel Richie. Just what I needed.

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

I can't stop laughing. I am totally tweeting this post.

Mr Lady said...

Oh, that's EVIL. I loves.

crunchy said...

Oh man, Lionel TOTALLY beats my Joy Division, NIN and Ministry music I was playing...

Jax said...

Oh my God - Greeblemonkey tweeted that you had the best halloween post this year, and I totally agree. If the solemn Lionel 'Hello.'pumpkin wasn't enough, the conversations with modern day treaters made for a hilarious read.

Idea - a Seinfeld's Uncle Leo 'Hello' pumpkin next year?

Dad Stuff said...

Hope you had a great Halloween. My kids would have probably started dancing on your porch to the music. They can't walk by the washing machine without bobbing their heads in time to the beat.
Thanks for the pumpkin patterns last week. I use a few.

Brian said...

Brilliant!

WILLIAM said...

Very Creepy.

Rich said...

ingenious! Love the conversations!

Ben and Bennie said...

Men in black leather pants are absolutely the creepiest. I'm on my way to Goodwill to see if I can find some...

Jamie said...

This is GREAT - soooo funny!!!!

Whit said...

You're lucky nobody called the cops.

auntie said...

yeah, how sad is it that nicole richie is famous for...NOTHING!! and yet lionel gave us the wonder that is "Hello". sad times.

darkfairymomma said...

Wow, that was hilarious. I can only imagine what my kids will think of 80's music when they get older.

Artist Unplugged said...

Sounds like you had a typical Hallow's Eve night....ha! If only you could have been dancing on the ceiling. NEWS BULLETIN: Lionel Richie will be performing on "Dancing With The Stars" Wednesday night!! (No kidding, had to let you know!) Grab a bucket and enjoy!

Lisa said...

Oh, to be a spider decoration on YOUR porch this past Halloween! Would have been fun to listen to these conversations.

geminigirl64 said...

OMG- That Hanna MOntana convo was hysterical!

creative-type dad said...

Artist Unplugged -- Thanks for the heads-up. I'll definitely have to watch.

Bennie - Strange..I thought you would have already owned a pair.

HappyHourSue -- I'll look into that. I thought that was working...

Zoe said...

hmmm. and here i thought the houses with the confederate flags were scary.

Schmutzie said...

You are being featured on Five Star Friday:
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2008/11/five-star-friday-edition-31.html

The Real Mother Hen said...

That last line sums it all! LOL!
I think people will refer to him as Grandpa Richie.

carrie said...

And suddenly, I am in 5th grade again, watching Lionel Ritchie videos (remember those?) on my Mtv.

Glad your Halloween was happy!

Dad to Two said...

Thanks for making me laugh again. I enjoy the humor on your blog. IN fact I enjoy it so much I wanted to pass along an award to you fo having an Uber Amazing Blog. Stop by my site to pick up the award.

Ken @ dadtotwo.com

shane groah said...

I played "Morris Day and the Time" this Halloween and I couldn't get a single kid to step in my yard, now I have four pounds of Twizzlers that I'm trying to unload on E-Bay.

mama speak said...

this made me LOL, so much so that I made DaddySpeak read it and he cracked up too. Hannah Montana was funny, but our fav was your response to Spidey.

creative-type dad said...

shane groah -- I think it was the "Twizzlers" that kept them away.

Denguy said...

I played Alice Cooper's Welcome to My Nightmare for the kiddies.

muskrat said...

this is an AWESOME post. glad you used mr ritchie to frighten children. i just used "pantsless friday" (luckily, this happened to coincide with halloween this year).

kittenpie said...

Okay, I've been meaning to tell you for what has it been, like two and a half months now since hallowe'en? that the Jack Skellington pumpkin was a hit! Thank you! (Yeah, I know, this second child business along with the new get to kindergarten at 9 am programme has me running, and my reading and commenting has suffered horribly! I'm aiming to catch up on a few blogs a week and read the whole lot that I missed. So... next month, then?)