Monday, February 02, 2009

How To Get Rid of Annoying Cartoon Characters


I didn’t think much of it when they tied the Puppy to a string, hoisted him up about 4 feet, and gave the nearby 2-year old a baseball bat.

No, it wasn’t until the other kids and adults, including an old grandmother in a wheelchair, circled around her with their arms in the air and started yelling things like “Come on, honey! WHACK that Puppy real good!!”, “Hit that Puppy hard right between his eyes!!”, “Aim for his neck! Aim for his neck!! as if witnessing a death match of a known violent criminal.

The 2-year old stood there and smiled, almost laughing, at the smiling Puppy piñata bobbing up and down as if he were playing with her. I imagined if that Puppy could talk he would have been saying something like “Hi there! My name is Poochie, what’s yours? Let’s go play together on a rainbow and eat jelly beans all day, OK!” all while my daughter and about a dozen other eager kids were anxiously waiting to feast on the Puppy’s innards of unknown candy.

Poochie never had a chance when a large 5-year old with a debatable mustache and real looking tattoo had a turn. With two large swipes Poochie the Puppy looked as if he had grown wings and had flown about 10 yards away from the death arena. Then the mustached 5-year old with his posse of admiring fans, ran over and started pounding the Puppy on the ground all while yelling and screaming.
Given the looks of he and his parents, I swear I overheard him saying things like “Why don’t you ever listen! Why do you always laugh at me!! I don’t like it when you drink so much!!!”

The 2-year old birthday girl was nearly in tears. If she could speak much more clearly I think she would have said something like “Goodbye, Poochie, I guess we’ll never get to play on that rainbow after all…”
She quickly got over it when her mom picked her up and tossed her into the mob of screaming kids with spilled fluorescent packaged candy.

They even let her fill the severed puppy leg with candy.

When the mustached 5-year old stood proudly smiling holding the decapitated Puppy head, while his parents were congratulating him taking his picture, I wondered where in the world did this concept come from. Who in their right mind thought it was a good idea taking cute animals or a kids favorite cartoons character, fill them with candy, hang them, and then beat them up with a baseball bat?

It’s just bizarre, mean, sick, and demented!

Then the next day when the TV was left on unattended, the perfect piñata for any birthday came to mind:

Your exploring days are numbered...


27 comments:

SciFi Dad said...

Things must be different up here. Most pinatas are no longer the "whacking" kind; they all have a little cork in the bottom with ribbons coming out of it: one ribbon pops the cork, the rest are just taped around it to fake you out. One by one, kids take turns pulling off a ribbon until one pops the cork.

Then a parent has to come and shake out all the candy because the damn hole is too small.

Beck said...

We had one of those ribbon pinatas, and all of the ribbons tore off with no pinata popping. The kids attacked the pinata like a pack of wild dogs at that point. EEP!

Amrita said...

It’s just bizarre, mean, sick, and demented

Exactly what it is. I don 't like it either

Artist Unplugged said...

I don't like to think what this present ritual evolved from...hmmmm....Please, I want a whack at Dora...I babysat my great nephew last week and watched Dora, thank goodness my kids didn't have it to watch. It drove me nuts, I felt bad that it did so I commented to my niece and she validated my feelings.

for a different kind of girl said...

Take that damn Boots the monkey out while you're at it, would you?

You know what I don't get about pinatas? How excited we get about really crappy candy and maybe - MAYBE - if you're super lucky, a couple Bit-O-Honey pieces that aren't as hard as cement. I'm all in where Bit-O-Honey are involved!

Zoe said...

i live in michigan and we have them here too. granted i live in redneck country where the 5 yr old you described is most likely my neighbor. i'm here to tell you: pinata+keg beer=bad news.

Healing Jake said...

There is nothing worse than the wiggles!!! OMG!

tHANKS FOR THE NICE COMMENT CREATIVE DAD

PEACE

Denguy said...

Death to Poochie!

Super Mega Dad said...

I'm a SoCal dude as well, and I don't see many of these "beat the hell outa 'em" types anymore. All you see in the stores is the "pull the string" types. I grew up in a hispanic family and we always had pinantas growing up. Nothing stresses the kiddies more then beating up their favorite cartoon character!

mamatulip said...

My husband bought one of those for our daughter's second birthday - a Dora one, but a much smaller Dora one. He wanted to fill it up and let her have at it, but I said no - I was newly pregnant at that time and was so sick that our daughter spent a lot of time in front of the television - so much time that she started calling me Dora. She LOVED Dora. Worshiped Dora. It was my firm belief that us having her whack the bejesus out of her favourite cartoon character was setting her up for years of therapy.

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painted maypole said...

pinatas are weird, I agree. I've never done one.

what was that movie where...was it hugh grant?... takes a baseball bat to a guy dressed as barney? maybe it DID all start with an annoyed parent....

Wendy said...

I got one of those beat-it-hard kind from the dollar store (cuz I'm cheap and it's just gonna get smashed) and the 5yo's could not crack it, so I had to whack it a few bazillion times to crack that sucker open.

creative-type dad said...

Zoe -- Sounds like that would make a great YouTube video.

Super Mega Dad -- The parties we've been to have those "pull-strings", but it doesn't prevent the hanging and beating.

Wendy -- At that point, it's better to stomp on it with your foot. It's a lot more subtle than using a stick.

Anonymous said...

mmmm, pinata candy....

crazymumma said...

Lord of the Flies never seems o tame until the pinata gets all hauled out and the kid get that bloodlust.

Dad Stuff said...

This reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite.
"That's just not how we do things here in Idaho."

mama speak said...

I'm one of those Hispanic kids up in Nor Cal. We've always had pinatas at our parties (not just the kid ones either.) Last year I was trying to get the older kid to have her b-day at a gym or something, (so I wouldn't have to clean up) she was all for it until the day she said something about "when we have the pinata..." and I said, "no pinata, only at home parties." I quote her response, "Well it's not a party without a pinata!"
She made me so proud!

Artist Unplugged said...

CTD,I thought of you today..........as I picked up our lunch at KFC!!!!

Bananas said...

pinatas totally freak me out. there's something about watching otherwise nice kids get all crazy with a bat that makes me need a martini, fast.

creative-type dad said...

Artist Unplugged -- Sweet! I'll be right over.

I just thought of the perfect pinata...fill it with popcorn chicken...

Cheryl Lage said...

Please tell me someone is designing a Caillou pinata as I type...

Hysterical blog, Creative-Type Dad.
Will definitely be back.

Anonymous said...

I'd have to say that people I know seem to be too good at making pinata's. They are almost always indestructible and we wind up having to break into them with a hacksaw to get the candy out. Either that or they suck and 2 hits and they break open. I guess I have a pinata dysfunction.


http://emotionalfather.wordpress.com/

Emotional Father said...

I'd have to say that people I know seem to be too good at making pinata's. They are almost always indestructible and we wind up having to break into them with a hacksaw to get the candy out. Either that or they suck and 2 hits and they break open. I guess I have a pinata dysfunction.

creative-type dad said...

Emotional Father -- Maybe you guys should use a crowbar.

Sue said...

"Poochie never had a chance when a large 5-year old with a debatable mustache and real looking tattoo had a turn."

Oh, I LOVED that!

kittenpie said...

I don't know what SciFi Dad is talking about - I've only ever seen a pinata you are suppsed to smash. And Dora? I'd beat that kid myself...