I’m convinced there’s no difference between Preschools, 3rd world countries, and Chinese restaurants in the San Fernando Valley.
In the last 3 weeks we’ve been through 3 lice epidemics, a chicken pox plague, and then to top it all off -- a kid with “hand, foot, and mouth” disease.
We’ve always heard stories from other parents through the years about this stuff, but never imagined it would happen to us. Essentially because the place she’s at is no ordinary preschool; it’s one of those fancy ones that took us nearly 4 years to get her in there (she's 3.) The teacher ratio is 1:7, they all have Ph.D's and BVD's, write books for Oprah, yoga 12 times a day to work, don't eat anything that casts a shadow, and speak something like 38 languages – fluently.
Everybody knows diseases are afraid of the over-educated and Oprah. Apparently not anymore.
What drives me crazy is that all of this is totally preventable if every kid just did 1 simple thing – washed his or her hands especially after using the bathroom. And practicing other good hygiene habits too like taking baths and listening to the adults when they tell them not to pick their nose/butt, throw sand in their hair, share lollipops, gum, things on the floor, chewed food, etc.
The problem is that preschoolers are just plain disgusting in packs and something needs to be done.
That’s where I come in.
I solve problems.
That’s my job.
Because that’s how I roll.
It’s obvious from my potty training color pages (the most popular post on my blog - still) that kids learn best when they color and are fearful.
I present to you... my latest creations: (Click each to download)
"Every time you pick your nose, a Fairy dies. Don't kill any more Fairies!" -coloring page
"Don't give mommy and daddy a reason to sell you to a factory in China. Be a good listener." -coloring page
"Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease hurts! Wash your hands after using the potty." -coloring page
"Aliens eat smelly kids. Take a bath." -coloring page
"Aliens eat smelly kids. Take a bath." -coloring page
26 comments:
Those would be your finest work yet, if you had figured out how to include Lionel Richie into one of them.
bahahaha, loved these. i've been known to look up the price for organ donation when the kids don't listen
Good stuff. This would be perfect for my two-year-old son. He's a clever one. When he helps me take out the garbage, I let him carry a small plastic bag with recyclables. He carries it only in his right hand, and afterward, when I tell him it's time to wash hands, he holds up his right hand and says, "Just this hand!"
Can you work up some coloring pages that would serve as friendly lessons reminding my kid that yes, they MUST change their underwear every day?
I was going to suggest one reminding uncircumsized boys to wash up, but then realized that would be CREEPY. Unlike those - they're awesome!
Brilliance! I've heard you can get a discount on shipping multiple kids to China too.
You are sick and twisted. And if I was not happily married, I would fall in love with you.
You sir are a genius.
Those are probably the coolest things I've ever seen. How wrong would it be to print them out and have my son color them? (Would I have to pay you royalties?)
Great coloring pages. I think the answer to controlling kids is through fear, especially the little ones! I would also suggest the option of sending them to Michael Jackson and/or tell them if they continue to pick their nose, it will fall off.
I think these are my faves so far - the fairy one might just work around here. So downloading it. Because telling her not to pick her nose hasn't worked, reminding her that she already ate lunch and doesn't need to hunt for more in her nose hasn't helped... I just don't know.
THOSE ARE GREAT!!!
That was brilliant Tony
We've been through hand, foot and mouth disease too. It has no relation to how much you pay for your daycare or preschool.
I like the coloring pages, but do you have anything for older kids who are starting to see through this already?
i seriously just peed my pants! funny thing is...i think my kids would think those pics were...funny. twisted group.
My screen has snot on it now since I didn't pick my nose before reading this.
I'm in awe. Bowing before you. Fantastic.
Oh dear God, that fairy one is killing me!!! I'm running hundreds of copies to give to my sister who is a teacher so she can hand them out to all the kids at her school! Love it!
You need to make an entire book of this. Rad.
sounds like a perfect after school activity for my girls.
Cause I hear 15 and 17 year old girls are quite the prize in the factories in China.
Can you do one for husbands that leave the seat up and socks in the hallway? Ta.
Hysterical! I wish I'd had these during the girls' early years.
Okay, no I don't, but still.
Hysterical!
I thought I saw some aliens circling the house yesterday. Now I know why.
These are awesome!!
My favorite is the alien one. I will print these up for my kids to color, but my son will only find them funny. He might actually be a little happy if he could pick his nose and kill a few fairies at the same time -- boys....
Maureen -- Great. Now they'll be a bunch of boys proudly picking their noses...
How to Party with an Infant -- One of these days, maybe I will.
Wow dude, your drawings are so cool!!!!!!!
I lost the URL to your site when I dumped my dell for this Mac. I'm so glad to finally get here and see your beautiful drawings!
Gee, you're talented!
OMG...these are great. I am going to print them to share with the other preschool teachers where I work.
BTW I managed to get through school with no lice, etc...but when I started teaching, I got HMF..that was "fun". Keep up the good work, soon the 3 year old will be a teenager..no better, they just eat more. sue raised in LA, now in rural Michigan.
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