Sunday, August 23, 2009

Questionable Common Sense Advice


Not sure when exactly this happened but my daughter has suddenly gotten into giving advice.

Not only advice but also suggestions, guidance, and pretty unusual bits of information too. She’s been dishing it out to neighbors, babysitters, strangers, kids, adults, animals, manimals, and just about anything that listens.

In fact, when she saw me writing this she told me I needed more “T’s”.
Apparently it was lacking.

Some recent random bits:
  • Don’t eat a hamburger outside. A bird could poop on it.
  • Octopuses have lots of testicles, that’s why they’re so mad.
  • At a museum it’s OK to touch your own art, but not anybody else’s.
  • Never ever tell a cat he’s ugly.
  • Lionel Richie eats at Souplantation, but only on Thursday.
  • You can call Elvis “Chad” at any time.
  • If you practice everyday, you can sing underwater.
  • When you burp make sure a Tiger is not around.
  • Everybody should have one pink dress.
  • Crabs have families too; they just don’t draw pictures for each other.
  • You need to be 125 to drive a car. You need to be 5 to get married.
  • Don’t EVER shake a crocodiles’ hand.
  • I don’t even know anybody that has a Kindle. Maybe a Monkey?
Now I'm having doubts about eating outside tomorrow as I'm taking a hamburger for lunch...

26 comments:

SciFi Dad said...

Crap. Now I need to go buy a pink dress.

Kelly said...

I think that last one was YOU.
Don't tell her, but I saw Lionel Richie at SouPlantation on a Saturday. shhhhh

painted maypole said...

"never smile at a crocodile
never tip your hat and stop to talk a while
don't be taken in
by his welcome grin
he's imagining how well you'll fit within his skin..."

WILLIAM said...

More Testes the more teste...huh...makes sense I guess.

for a different kind of girl said...

DANG IT! William took my twisted joke!

Thanks to the Discovery Channel, I've learned monkeys can be quite mean and sometimes rip other monkeys apart. I'm sure there's still glitches to be worked out in the Kindle, but I think I'd rather have one of those than a monkey.

Amrita said...

Oh my soul Tony, this is so cute. I could pay for getting advice like this and everyday too.

Love all of them. Its like Kids say the darnest things.

Denguy said...

Your daughter sure knows a lot about Lionel Richie.

Artist Unplugged said...

A chip off the ol' block......

creative-type dad said...

Denguy -- She must follow Lionel on Twitter.

for a different kind of girl -- At least you can train a Monkey how to dance. A Kindle - no.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Too funny. How many testicles does an Octopus have? Eight? Bet he has t o be careful with those.

Wendy said...

beware of that 5 to get married rule; mine already married a couple of girlfriends from kindergarten. wonder where she stands on polygamy....

happy 4th, too!!

mama speak said...

Hmmm...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree now does it?

Otter Thomas said...

Kids are genius. I think we could make a good sitcom if we just hired kids for writers. Their creativity cannot be topped.

creative-type dad said...

Wendy -- Wow, that's crazy. I can't imagine his alimony payments. He'll likely be bankrupt by the time he's 7.

Otter Thomas --- That's a great idea!
Actually, I think Bill Cosby did some show with that idea awhile back...

Beverly said...

That's great advice! I love it that you write this stuff down!

Anonymous said...

Stupid seagulls! Stay away from my hamburger!

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

I knew there was a reason why I dislike octopuses, octopus', octopii, whatever. Those freaky testicles of the sea.

claresdad said...

You should get her a talk show. I'd watch.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

She has a really good point about the crocodile thing, also Chad.

Dad Stuff said...

With practice, can you sing other songs beside 'underwater'?

The Real Mother Hen said...

Haha this is really funny! :)
After all these years, I still don't have a pink dress, oh bummer, I guess I need to get one from your daughter :)

HappyHourSue said...

LMAO- octopus testicles. I was thinking of you because my cousin is the designer for a website called Lionel Richie Facts. www.lionelrichiefacts.com and you can get a FREE sticker that says "HELLO" which I now have on the back of my SUV and all the soccer moms are like WTH?

creative-type dad said...

HappyHourSue -- Whoa....! I don't even know what to say.
Lionel must be making daisies just about now.

Gray Matter said...

Actually, I believe you can practice singing underwater exactly one day.

Oh, but it's totally true about Octopussies and their testicles.

What? That's the right plural, right?

creative-type dad said...

Gray Matter -- Sounds like some Sean Connery would be very upset about...

Keith Wilcox said...

Sing underwater! HA. Those are pretty random. I don't know why anybody would call Elvis Chad, but why not, right :-)