Saturday, March 06, 2010

Weird questions? I’ve Got Answers


Some of the searches that end up here are getting stranger by the day.
Most of them are in the form of questions looking for help or expert advice. I find it odd that they end up here since the closest thing I have to a Ph.D is a DVD or BVD’s.

However, these people are looking for answers so I’m going to respond to them. Why? Because that’s just how I roll.

The Questions:
what is lionel richie doing this year for thanksgiving? – Let me ask. Spending it at Dollywood.
ideas for writing birthday invitations for a party at chuck e cheese Start with “I’m so sorry but, this wasn’t my idea…”
why does my dad stay up lateTo play Words with Friends on the iPhone. But not with Sci Fi Dad (because he cheats....!!)
why do we have butt cracksBecause they’re funny
do midgets have small poopLet me check. Yes.
where can i get a monkey to perform at my daughters birthday party? -- In Thailand or Lancaster.
i drank my wife's breast milk yesterdayHopefully because you ran out of regular milk and not because you like it and are just really weird.
my son doesn't have a date for prom? Put an ad on Craigslist
creative way to tell husband that you are expecting -- Don’t start it by saying “remember that business trip …”
when does a baby mullet grow?At 5 months, start playing Michael Bolton songs. At 6 months start showing Macgyver reruns or visit Georgia.
wierdest thing about lionel ritchie -- If his mustache is ever removed, he loses all magical powers.
what is it called if you have an obsession with poopPoopalicious.
my five year old who refuses to go to the potty! -- Take him/her back to the store for a refund.
i called poison control 4 times in one week what's going to happen to me Protective services should be arriving at your door any minute.
why do little kids pick their noses The same reason why old people do, because they're bored and have nothing to play with.

16 comments:

Mac and Cheese said...

Somebody searched Lionel Richie's Thanksgiving? Is nothing sacred???

Amrita said...

Hi Agony Dad, this is just too good.

Poor Lionel Richie.

Amrita said...

Hi Agony Dad, this is just too good.

Poor Lionel Richie.

ArtistUnplugged said...

These were most enlightening and helpful. However, at this point in my life I want to know where is Lionel Ritchie will hold his egg hunt this Easter, what will he wear to his daughter's nuptials AND why does a grown man miss the toilet with his stream? Can you help me out?

jeanhasbeenshopping said...

ROFL! I see a theme. Now, if I only had the answer to what Lionel Ritchie poops....

handstowar said...

My sister once made chocolate chip cookies with her breast milk because she didn't have any regular milk. I didn't have any but my brother unknowingly ate one.

furiousBall said...

I dunno man, some guy with the forum name "PennyLuvrLR" over at the monkey entertainer forum was asking an awful lot of questions around Turkey Day

SciFi Dad said...

What was cheating? Frustum? So because I'm an engineer and you spend your days drawing Lionel Richie I'm a cheat?

I'm sorry you couldn't find the letters to make "Hello", or "Ballerina".

creative-type dad said...

handstowar -- Wow, that is so wrong in so many ways. I'm never eating a cookie again.

SciFi Dad -- 125 point word down with doubles on each letter across is just too suspicious...

painted maypole said...

:)

i play words with friends, too. ;)

pixie said...

Man, there are some crazies out there.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

I wonder what happened to the person who drank the poison? I hope they were entertained by your blog.

These are awesome. I get really creepy searches that lead people to my blog.

Otter Thomas said...

Great idea for a post. Funny stuff.

creative-type dad said...

painted maypole -- I'm "GjertsonB" on Words with Friends.
The Gjertson is my phony 80 year old bee farmer from Norway profile on Facebook so I can play games.

urbandaddy said...

Awesome!

I got her by typing in "Why does Lionel Ritchie pick his butt crack at night on Thanksgiving?"

Or because you are on my blogroll...

Sue said...

Have I told you lately that I love your blog?

Well, now then, I've gone and done it.