Monday, April 26, 2010

Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

My wife is now 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant as of today which means we’re in full preparedness mode. I know this detailed information because of an awesome iPhone app for Men with pregnant wives.
The car seat is ready, the birthing kit is always with us, the midwife is on our cell phones speed dial, and I can boil water within 2 minutes.

I’m actually not sure what the point of hot water is anyway, but whatever, I’m prepared if the need should ever arise.

This part of the pregnancy that I remember the least with our daughter the first time around, as I was too busy worrying about my wife and the birthing part going well. This time I know what to expect and I'm fully prepared (I hope!) This whole pregnancy thing just amazes me to no end.

What amazes me even more is the weird and almost rude things people say to pregnant women in general. Not sure if they’re trying to be nice or sympathetic, but here’s a list of things heard that nobody should say:

Never tell a pregnant woman…
  • Are you pregnant?
  • You must have had a big lunch!
  • Whoa! You look like you’re going to bust at any minute.
  • Are you sure you’re not carrying twins/triplets?
  • Can I rub your belly for luck?
  • (Rub belly without asking)
  • Does your back hurt? Yeah, I woke up this morning and mine hurts too.
  • You waddle like a duck.
  • You’re all puffy just like the stay-puff marshmallow man.
  • I have dogs/cats so I know exactly what it’s like to be a new parent.
  • Did you hear about the woman that had a 30-pound baby last week?
  • You look normal from the back.
If you say any one of these then you deserve to get knocked over the head with a rolling pin.

What weird things have you heard?


furiousBall said...

actually never tell any woman any of these things

Josh Blair said...

My girlfriend was pregnant with our twin daughters not long after the Octomom was all over the news. So she got, "What do you think of that lady with the eight kids?" a lot. Another thing she got a lot when telling people it's twins was, "Better you than me."

Recently at the park, a woman told her that she would have "killed herself" is she was pregnant with twins. Classy.

Mac and Cheese said...

I got a variation on that last one. "Wow, you DO look pregnant from the back!"

creative-type dad said...

Mac and Cheese -- I hope you knocked whoever said that over the head with a rolling pin.

Kelley said...

Wow, I can't believe you've personally heard all of those comments. People are ridiculous - especially that "I have dogs so I know what it's like to be a new parent." Yeah, but did you give birth to a dog?

creative-type dad said...

Kelley -- Knowing the woman who said it, she probably thinks she did give birth to the dog...

Melinda said...

Well, it was a long time ago when I was last pregnant but I think the one that really hurt my feelings was at a luncheon party. I was 9 months pregnant. I talked to a group of newly met ladies for at least 2 hours. One of the ladies said,'are you pregnant? I wasn't sure, and didn't want to ask in case you were just...fat.' I couldn't believe it! I just told her to be quiet, because I was trying to steal the party watermelon and I think she just blew my cover.
How in any shape or form do you say that to someone whether they are pregnant or fat? Bloody cow.

Hope all goes smoothly for the birth. I know it sounds corny, but a new life truly is a miracle.
By the way, the boiled water is for a cup of tea, once the birthing is over. You'll all need one.
I am 100% sure of that!

Dianne said...

Around 5 months I had dinner with some old friends and one said "Oh my God! What the hell happened to you!"

Amrita said...

Oh this is too good. I will remember this LOL

painted maypole said...

hm... i can't remember any rude comments, although I;m sure I got one. The first person to comment on my looking pregant was a clerk at a store in Yosemite, and made a gentle joke about me trying to sneak out a basketball. Which sounds terrible now, but at the time it totally made me smile, because I was just starting to show, and the clerk and I had been kabitzing for a while.

and I guess you're so busy with that iphone app you've given up on words with friends? ;)

sourpatchbaby said...

I lost all my old links and finally found yours while googling myself (and no, it wasn't that kind of googling lol). I will have to go back and read all the old posts to catch up though. I have two tidbits of advice on what to never say/ask a pregnant/newly birthed mother:

1. Are you married? I mean, people do still get married before getting pregnant right? (asked by a Jehova's Witness while she was trying to get me to join her religion).

2. Are you sure you weren't having twins? They left one in there. (said to me by my despicable MIL when Ducky was four (4)! hours old. Never before in my life did I wished so badly that my eyes had laser killing beams and/or shot daggers. Needless to say, she didn't hold my baby until he was over six months old and only because I was forced to do so.)

Dad Stuff said...

Does anyone use rolling pins anymore?

ArtistUnplugged said...

I can't recall any bad questions myself, you know, the whole "brains thrown out with the afterbirth" thing. I did get some looks though and many questions of how did I break both arms due to the splints I had to wear on my wrists for the carpal tunnel I developed early in the pregnancy. Had surgery on both within three weeks of delivering. Nothing less than "wow! you glow even more" is safe if you ask me! Take care!!!

Adi said...

Well.. never heard those lines before. And I don't plan to say it either (thanks to you). Plain rude. How you (especially your wife) handle it?
Since me & my wife planning to have our first baby this year, I guess we knew one more thing to encounter. Thanks 'Dad'.

Anonymous said...

"My friend is due before you are and she looks a lot smaller than you do."

To a pregnant woman in her 40's: "How old are you? Are you sure the baby is normal?"

creative-type dad said...

Anonymous -- Wow... Those are pretty bad.

Dad Stuff -- If more carried rolling pins, I'm sure the world would be a much safer place.

Papa K said...

Awwww dude. If I could tell you how many times my wife would have socked people over the head with a sock full of quarters as they said "You just look like you're about to BURST!" She's never been so pissed...

Scott said...

I think that list is sufficient, as is (i.e. I can't think of one)!
But I do have a relevant item on the subject. Many years ago I had a page-a-day calendar, "National Lampoon's True Facts". These were actual news stories, taken from newspapers around the world--and I kept many of them, including this:

"Betsy Nelson of Arlington, Va., sued Irving's Sports Store of nearby Falls Church after security personnel there falsely accused her of shoplifting a basketball. Nelson, 33, was nine months pregnant at the time."

--(Bergen County, N.J.) "Record"

Carmelite Helene said...

Oh my god! I just laughed so hard at those! I really needed that. I'm 38 weeks along right now.

A man at the grocery store the other day, who looked miserable and overwhelmed with his own two kids said "God save you, ma'am" and a harried looking woman said "you're in for it now." Really, why does anyone think that kind of negativity is helpful?

Charley Burright said...

I've heard this weird thing from my neighbor when she saw my wife at the park yesterday. She said, "Hey, I think your baby's a boy." Then my wife asked her the reason, and then she answered, "'Coz your nose is too big, and you look less beautiful than before." Arggghhhh! I honestly don't know what to say. But even if she gained a lot of weight, and lost already a tooth, for me my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world.