Sunday, December 11, 2011

WORSE CHRISTMAS JOB EVER: Santa’s “Last in Line” Elf


The worse Elf job isn’t a Dentist, it’s actually being the last person standing in line for Santa pictures at the mall.

At first, I didn’t think anything of it when Santa’s maybe 16-17 year old cashier girl Elf approached my family and gave me a handmade written sign on the back of a dinosaur experience ad that said “LAST IN LINE :) ”

Her only instructions were “Here, hold this and show it to people behind you.”


Exhibit 1: “LAST IN LINE :) ” handmade card on back of the dinosaur experience ad. Note irony of smiling face at the end of the note.

Then as she walked away I thought to myself, “Hmm, a little odd since it was a Sunday, just after noon, and just two weeks before Christmas.” But whatever - just flashing a sign to strangers shouldn’t be that big of a deal, right?

I was wrong. Terribly wrong…


Potential Customers #1: Couple with small infant--


I flash “LAST IN LINE :) ” card and smile.

Me: (pointing to cashier elf) Santa’s Elf up there gave this to me.
Dad: What’s that mean?
Me: We’re the last in line.
Mom: (I see anger forming) Well, where’s he going?
Me: I don’t know, she (pointing to cashier elf) just gave me this card.
Dad: It’s BARELY NOON!!
Mom: (definitely angry while looking at me) SCREW THIS!!

Then they walk away talking pretty loud. It’s a good thing the infant doesn’t understand english yet.

Potential Customers #2: Grandmother with with two small toddlers--

I flash “LAST IN LINE :) ” card and (try) smiling

Me: (pointing to cashier elf) Santa’s Elf up there gave this to me.
Grandmother: (Shocked) Are you joking?
Me: No, the (pointing to cashier elf) Elf up there gave this to me.
Grandmother: Where am I supposed to go? (Angry and peering into my soul…it burned.)
Me:I don’t…I don’t know…maybe he’s going on break and is coming back…
Grandmother: (Starts talking in a foreign language. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard my gardener say a few of those words while screaming at his lawn mower when it doesn’t start…)

They all walk away and the kids look really confused.

Woman standing in front of us with infant turns around---

Woman: Wow, I’m sure glad I got here early enough before you guys.
Then she turned back around and resumed texting on her phone.

Potential Customers #3: Couple with lots of kids on a big stroller---

Exhibit 2: Big stroller. How on earth do they go shopping with these things without running over innocent bystanders?

I flash “LAST IN LINE :)” card and (force) smile

Me: (pointing to cashier elf) Santa’s Elf up there gave this to me.
Dad: What the...!
Me: We’re the last in line… the (pointing to cashier elf) Elf up there gave this to me. It’s not my fault. Go talk to the (pointing to cashier elf) …Elf. She’s the one that's done this.

Then the kids got upset, and then the wife, and then my kids get scared because the Dad is yelling at his kids and his wife and maybe mine and everybody else's too. And then they eventually leave. But then more people are behind them...!

I went over to the Elf that started this all and ask how long the wait was going to be because being the “LAST IN LINE :)” was a horrible experience. She said the Elf girl that normally holds the “LAST IN LINE :)” card didn’t show up to work. And then people that were paying for their pictures said it took them nearly an hour and a half to reach Santa.

I walked over to the woman in front of us, handed her the “LAST IN LINE :)” card, and then we left.
On the way out I told my wife I’m just going to take the Santa picture from last year and Photoshop new heads on the kids.

Done. And I saved us $35.

9 comments:

Awesome Mom said...

Good for you, there is no way they should have made you hold that sign. They deserved to loose the money.

Kelly said...

omg. I can't believe that! I would have totally given that mega stroller family the sign, and let them take your place! lol
Your photoshopped cards are WAY better anyway...Just photoshop a Santa face over a stuffed monkey, and you pretty much have it.

Susan said...

You would think the mall would have at least offered you a discount or free pictures in return for the abuse.

FilmFather said...

Wow. You poor guy. That sounds like something right out of a sitcom.

If only Ronnie James Dio was still alive. His elfish stature and signature song would have made him the perfect person to hold that sign.

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Suburban Kamikaze said...

Ho ho holy crap. You could have been killed. Then Santa would have had to pay out a huge settlement to your kids. They would have completely owned the North Pole. Which, sure, would seem really cool at first. But when they got older the consolation would wear off, I'm sure.

SK

James (SeattleDad) said...

Oh, that's hilarious. I don't blame you for not wanting to spend another hour with that job. Great post.

painted maypole said...

it's just such a heartwarming experience, all of it. thanks for sharing your christmas cheer.

Last to post :)

C. D. Eagle said...

This cracked me up. I probably wouldn't have posted a comment, though, because I'm anti-social.

Except painted maypole's last line was hanging there, taunting me.

Anyway, Nordstrom has a very dapper roaming santa every year. He's free, looks more authentic than mall santas, and there's no line. Just walk around and listen for bells, or ask an employee where Santa is.

creative-type dad said...

C.D. - That is interesting. I'll have to look out for him next year...