Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I’m Friends With Santa Claus’s Daughter – Maybe I Can FINALLY Get That Porsche

Well, he’s not the real one but a professional one. So I was talking to this girl (I can’t say ‘woman’ because she’s younger than me like, 26 or 27... [by the way --is that sexist of me?]…) so this ‘young lady-girl’ I work with was telling me about her Dad whose been going to Santa school for 4 years has finally earned his Santa Bachelor’s degree.

“Whatchoutalkin’bout willis?!”

I never heard of such a thing. Apparently there’s a real Santa school somewhere back east (Charles W Howard) that’s been around for over 7,418 years! Well not really, more like 70 and the founder was on “Miracle on 34th Street” and is known in the Santa impersonator movement as “the Santa God.” (insert angelic choir)

Apparently this is serious stuff -- They take classes in:
  • History and Folklore
  • Child Psychology
  • Naughty Kids
  • Why do mommy and daddy always fight?
  • Beard Grooming
  • Are you friends with Jesus?
  • Reindeer CPR
  • Fire and Liability Insurance
So now I’m thinking - when I take my daughter in 3 months (yikes! Where’d the time go!) to the mall for pictures this year, I definitely want some type of accreditation (...for the fire insurance alone.)
I’m looking for that framed diploma on the wall, you know like what doctor’s have in those cheap oak frames. Because seriously I wouldn’t want a doctor without a diploma, why should Santa be the same, right?

(I have no idea how I get into these random topics with people…)

31 comments:

Whirlwind said...

Since when is Michigan "back east" ?

Wow Santa school. I didn't know there was a such thing

Jackie said...

I just want to know how they possibly find enough students to keep this school going. There must be a lot of accredited Santas running around out there that I just don't know about.

Ben & Bennie said...

She's GOT to be pulling your leg! No way, dude! And you're on to something about that diploma. And why would you give a reindeer CPR? Folks down here in the South think that's good eatin's.

Whit said...

whirlwind, when you live in CA, everything is back east

I seem to recall Homer taking some Santa courses on the Simpsons

Denguy said...

To be a friend of Jesus, wouldn't you have to be over 2000 years old?

kittenpie said...

Yeah, Michigan isn't back east, it's the midWEST, silly.

Truly, I want to know what sign you are wearing around your neck that attracts this stuff.

Ben & Bennie said...

OMG! I just noticed the picture! What is Bad Santa doing to the "eight pound, six ounce, newborn Baby Jesus in (his) golden, fleece diaper"!!!

Lisa said...

Is it REALLY only 3 months??? Aaaah!!!

painted maypole said...

i have a friend who played Santa at Disneyland. He didn't have to get a degree, but they did have some pretty intense training (like all Disney employees, as I understand it)

creative-type dad said...

Whirlwind & kittenpie -- whit's right, anything east of Las Vegas is "far east" for us Californians.

kittenpie -- I don't know what kind of sign I have; people are always telling me weird stuff. Maybe it's my lack of chest hair...

Ben & Bennie -- great! I hadn't noticed until you pointed it out...!

Above Average Joe said...

With the stereotype of mall Santas being drunks, can you imagine the keg parties?

radioactive girl said...

Lets hope none of my kids decide to skip college and go to santa school instead. It's a noble career goal and all, but I'd rather they do something else for a living.

Jenster said...

Santa School?? Who knew??

My dad played Santa for the preschool my mom worked at for years. He loved it. Of course, as he got older he didn't even have to wear a beard or padding. lol

But the coolest was when another preschool hired him, had him picked up in a squad car and took him to the fire station down the street from the school. Then he got to ride on the freakin' hook and ladder!!! At the age of 72!! Talk about a dream come true.

creative-type dad said...

Jenster -- I'm just imagining this Santa is handcuffs showing up at a preschool ...

Above Average Joe -- I'm sure they must have a 'how to hold your alcohol course' in there

SusieJ said...

Yeah -- I would definitely expect to see that diploma on the wall -- the certification symbol. Something -- I seriously had no idea.

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

How bizarre/funny.

But speaking of - a friend told me about this article she read last holiday time about this is a new movement to require Santas to get licensed and background-checked, etc... because of the high amount of sex offenders who apply for the jobs.

ICK.

Is nothing sacred??

Darren said...

Four years of training? That's less than law school.

BTW, in New England, anything west of the Hudson is the west...so Michigan is "out west."

Darren said...

I meant MORE than law school. English isn't my first language.

Jenifer said...

Do they have school for the elves too?

creative-type dad said...

Jenifer -- I think that's called "the circus"

aimee / greeblemonkey -- that's creepy!! You'd think they would be checking them already

Dad Stuff said...

I'm with Darren. Four years? Four years ought to get you Jedi Santa status.

The Real Mother Hen said...

Reindeer CPR? I'm inspired to attend this school now :)

Fairly Odd Mother said...

"Why do mommy and daddy always fight?" and "Are you friends with Jesus?" have got to be the best course names ever.

Now I'm going to ask the next Santa we meet at the mall if he has his B.S. (Bachelor of Santa, of course).

Kate said...

OK thanks for the laugh..I totally missed it! And love the photo. Where do you find these things?

L.A. Daddy said...

Hmm. I may have to do Santa School when I'm older. I've already got the belly like a bowl full of jelly. And my whiskers are starting to turn white...

Could be fun.

Of course, going to Michigan could never be considered fun.

(shiver)

Jackie said...

Hey, I just noticed the linky love! Thanks, Tony! Now I really feel the pressure to post more - uh oh.

Oh, The Joys said...

Your friend's name is Willis? For real?

Kidding, kidding. I laughed at the invocation of what you talkin' bout willis.

mrsmogul said...

A Santa School, who would have thought! There is a town called Christmas in Florida, everything is Santa Claus decorated all year round, it's weird. A class called Are you Friends With Jesus? Hmmm...if they were I would be impressed as he's like...famous!!

creative-type dad said...

Oh, The Joys -- I WISH I had a friend names Willis...

Kate -- Let me just say, there are a lot of weird people out there that think like me. It's creepy...

beta mom said...

Wow - and to think that Jesus only went to Bethlehem Vo-Tech School of Carpentry and Leprosy Repair.

kellyo75 said...

Yeah, I agree with you on the mall Santa. You really should be demanding to see credentials. There really is no excuse to be without them when there is a Santa school.

I want a friend named Willis, too. So far in the last couple posts, you have referenced 80's television. I LOVE the 80's!