Thursday, January 24, 2008

My Daughter’s Imaginary Friend: An Unauthorized Biography

Somebody came home with my daughter the other day after a play date…

Meet Captain Hippo

And now she's been talking about him all week. So much that I've decided to write his biography. Unauthorized of course, because from what I'm told he doesn't want to talk to me.

Captain Hippo: An Unauthorized Biography

Captain Hippo was born to wolves and ninja’s in the jungles of Pottery Barn Kids and then later reared by Nuns with special superhuman powers, such as cooking and pooping on the potty.
He was later discovered by Mickey Mouse and Anthony from the Wiggles and invited to take dance lessons, on my birthday, at Disneyland. That’s where he met Snow White. The comedy group became really good friends and toured the world together on the Doodlebop’s bus to dance with ballerinas. These ballerina’s enjoy smoothies, green beans, and chicken from old McDonald’s, and DO NOT go poo-pee and pee-pee on the potty, ever.

Captain Hippos’ distinct features:
-He’s a girl
-And a Ballerina
-Wears a Pink cape
-Cowboy boots - sparkly pink
-Is a Scientologist and helps people in accidents
-Only wears a hat when it’s not raining
-Is big, but can be tiny to fit in your pocket
-Eat’s grass and on occasion, toes
-Puts his poo-pee in his shoes

He now lives in a small closet in my house. And the shoes in there will be immediately removed.

39 comments:

Whirlwind said...

Hahaha. Very cute. The girls once had an imaginary friend, Mr. No-No. Mr. No-No got the blame for alot of incidents at the house that year.

Dad Stuff said...

For some reason imaginary friends never really showed up at our house. Sounds like Captain Hippo sure leads a glamourous life.

WILLIAM said...

The Fact that "HE's a Girl" cracked me up.

Single at 50 said...

Imaginary friends are the best. I had one, Punkin! Then I got 3 brothers! I think Captain Hippo sounds like a wonderful friend.

Scarlett Wanna Be said...

Sounds like a fun addition to your family.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I'm concerned about all that poop in the shoes in your closet.

Roth Family Adventures said...

That's so funny. I bet you never thought your daughter would be friends with a transgender hippo.

Also, I'd check my shoes before slipping putting them on.

Maureen said...

Married to Katie??? Hey, I think I know that Hippo... did he (she) also do a crazy Scientology video too??

Sarah O. said...

Brilliant! Mad Libs meets everyday life!
This post even cracked up Mr. Lemony.

Bananas said...

I find I have a deep love for Captain Hippo.

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

New York Times Bestseller!!!

mama speak said...

So what happens if the he/she doesn't have a shoe to go in? I'm just saying...

Arwen said...

Tom Cruise lives in your closet? Terrifying, I thought this would be a fmaily oriented story, not a nightmare.

Ben & Bennie said...

My Aunt Marsha had an imaginary friend named Tiger when she was about your daughter's age. At the young age of 5 she arrived in my grandmother's kitchen and announced that Tiger wouldn't be around any longer. When my grandmother asked what happened to
Tiger Marsha replied: "I took him to the lake and drowned him."

Honest to God it's a true story! Just don't tell the editors of Golf Magazine.

Darren said...

Excellent story. If it weren't for all the copyrights, trademarks and publicity rights you violated you could publish it.

beta mom said...

He doesn't get his chicken from KFC?
That shoe-pooping bastard.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Sweetie, honey, poor, pitiful, chicken-loving, freak. Let's relax about the pooping on the potty. It will happen when it happens. Deep cleansing breaths. Do it with me. Iiiiinnnnn. Ooooouuutttt. Iiiiiinnnnn. Oooooouuuuutt.

Feel better? No? Go to KFC.

Octopus Grigori said...

Captain Hippo's placing of feces in shoes suggests libidinal confusion.

Haley-O said...

Hee! OF COURSE Captain Hippo's a Scientologist! HA! Too funny.

Whit said...

The chicken at the new McDonald's has got nothing on the old one. Glad Hippo knows this.

creative-type dad said...

Coal Miner's Granddaughter -- I don't know. That's like asking me to give up the colonel's spicy chicken...

Ben & Bennie -- Ben, are you sure that wasn't you?

mama speak -- Good question...maybe I should install a toilet in there and leave some magazine's.

Maureen -- Captain Hippo was playing the guitar solo.

Amy Turn Sharp said...

love it!!!

painted maypole said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha

Redneck Mommy said...

Could you ask the Hippo where he got those sparkly pink cowboy boots? Cuz I'm thinking I could rock a pair of those...

The City Gal said...

That is so great! You have a creative daughter!

mama speak said...

ummm, I'm afraid to ask, but....what are the magazines for?

Tismee2 said...

I never had one despite being an only child and neither did my boys - were we deprived?

h&b said...

Our imaginary friend goes to the potty, so perhaps I should send him over.

It's lucky we have two potties actually, as my husband wasn't allowed in the main bathroom recently, as ourt imaginary friend was using the facilities.

Dad had to pee elsewhere, and not on our friend.

The Real Mother Hen said...

Ha this is funny :)
(I'm going to steal your Captain Hippo - ehehe, evil smile)

creative-type dad said...

The Real Mother Hen -- Sure, but be sure you look in your shoes before putting them on.

mama speak -- to pass the time in case he eats spicy food.

Redneck Mommy -- I asked my daughter, she said he got the boots from a duck.

nonlineargirl said...

Nice to know that my daughter isn't the only one who brings poop into everything.

dennis said...

Capt. Hippo! LOVE IT!

However I couldn't help but notice that something was missing in her bio. Something key that will launch her into the stratosphere of the 'A' list superheroes.

Capt. Hippo needs a youthful side...OH, she has one now!


good luck with the shoes

Jenster said...

I must have that book. Can I get it at Amazon??

♥♥♥ A- Licious ♥♥♥ said...

ok He is a SHE...loved that - this (for a reason unknown) made me laugh....LOL

cute!

wayabetty said...

Tony, you can definitely write children's books and I'll buy them!! But Capt. Hippo needs a side kick, maybe a KFC eating hyena.

Busy Dad Mumbles said...

Keep writing the biography of Captain Hippo he/she sounds like a great character. The poo-pee in the shoes make this little piggie a messie game! LOL!
Thanks for the entertainment.

carrie said...

He puts his poo-pee in his shoes? Other than that, Captain Hippo sound pretty cool!

Omar Cruz said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kittenpie said...

Maybe he's one of these...