Sunday, May 25, 2008

An Open Letter To The Wife Regarding Father’s Day


Dear Wife,

Please don’t buy me a Barbeque for Father’s Day.

Yes, I know. How? Because I saw the tabbed page of Barbeque recommendations in one of your women’s ‘contemporary lifestyle’ magazines. You know, the ones that gives makeup advice and then informs you to start your own off-shore bank account if we happen to argue over who’s doing the dishes.
Don’t ask me why I was looking through it.

O.K. there was an interesting article about low-cost organizing ideas (ice cube trays as a change holder? Genius!)

And instead of those “fun activities” they suggest to do on Father’s Day like “Dad and Child wash the car together”, “Dad and child clean out the garage together”, “Dad and child build an indoor spa, with inside locking door, for mom project”, etc. let me offer my own creative and unique ideas for Father’s Day:
  • Family picnic at the park and then permitted to sleep the remainder of the day. And for dinner you serve me popcorn chicken dressed like slave-girl Princess Leia.
  • A visit to Medieval Times so I can practice on my Sean Connery accent. You know, the one that closely resembles my Colonel Sanders accent.
  • Family “Knight Rider” marathon. And we can all ask KITT for more snacks by talking into our imaginary watches.
  • Visit the birthplace of Colonel Sanders: The Kentucky Fried chicken closest to our house. Or the one in the dodgy neighborhood but offers the spicy chicken selection.
  • Get Rock Band for Wii so the 3 of us can play. But only if they have Def Leppard, if not then forget about it.
  • Anything that involves at least two of the following together: circus, dwarves, rodeo, monkeys, fried chicken, fully potty-trained 2-year old, The Cure, one million dollars (after-tax.)
Your loving husband,
Tony

P.S. - ...or a Barbeque?

49 comments:

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

So you can either go to a Ringling Brothers event or rob a bank with Robert Smith.

Either way I'm in.

Well, except for the circus.

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Tee hee. I really do like that first list best. The spa with the locking door sounds like a perfect Father's day project.

kittenpie said...

Wait. Back up to the top, here. You DON'T want a barbecue? I'm not sure I know a man who doesn't want a barbecue. Then again, I don't know a man who wouldn't want that Princess Leia request either, so maybe you're still okay.

painted maypole said...

can I come over and sing back-up on the Def Lepperd songs?

Ruth Dynamite said...

How about a new tie with rodeo monkeys and potty-trained chickens?

Zoe said...

i just got hives reading that.

Laura said...

I am so stealing this list for my husband. The Cure tickets are already purchased, but where does one acquire a dwarf?

Crazy Computer Dad said...

Maybe you can dress up like Robert Smith, go on the family picnic, take a nap, then sing Cure songs with the family for the rest of the evening? I don't think Guitar Hero III has any cure songs, but maybe you can do some of that too.

Amrita said...

hi Tony, rocking ideas.

I 've got some pictures of naughty scamps on my blog. Thank goodness they are potty trained.

Black Hockey Jesus said...

Slave-Girl Leia! I don't know what else to write. Slave-Girl Leia!

Charlotta-love said...

I think Slave-Girl Princess Leia is every guy's dream. I dressed up as Princess Leia one year at college for halloween (yes, I still dress up...). My guy friends were all excited to see the costume.

I was Jedi-fighing Princess Leia. They were so disappointed.

Leighton aka MyBestInvest said...

Great list.

I might add "smash something with a hammer" and "play 36 holes of golf on an empty golf course".

Beverly said...

I don't think that's asking too much.

The Real Mother Hen said...

No no no no no...
It should be, we women went out for some shopping, spa treatment, and more shopping, while you men eat KFC and watch Knight Rider and whatever Sci-Fi hits that have sexy chicks!

Denguy said...

Good ideas all.
Except, I spend nearly every hour of every day with my kids, so what would I want for Father's Day?
How about some time to myself!

womaninawindow said...

I am SO not showing my husband this list. And if you put that monkey in clothes you'd have a keeper! I think I'll get him a hibachi (got him the barbecue last year...)

creative-type dad said...

Denguy -- I would guess and indoor spa with inside locking door? And maybe a BBQ..?

The Real Mother Hen -- We men are simple like that.

Laura -- I'm not sure yet. But if I find out, I'll be sure to let the world know.

painted maypole -- You sure can. I definitely need lots of back up on "Animal". My voice can't get that high.

Headless Mom said...

Ha!

I say try the dodgy neighborhood chicken place. Waaay better.

I'd be happy to give naps for Father's Day-IF I'd gotten one for Mother's Day. Headless Dad was gone working that day, too. Come to think of it, I only got the cute kids' gifts so maybe he wont' get anything either...

Just joking. That spicy chicken place will do just fine!

(Thanks for visiting and commenting!)

Sue said...

So wait- my Father's Day plan of him taking all 3 kids out for Bonding Time is not going over? How about this: I hire a dancer to accompany them in a Princess Leia outfit. Now can I have the house to myself?

Beck said...

My husband doesn't need a barbecue, since we've gone through two in the last three years, thanks to his luv of barbecuing. I'll probably let him sleep in and make him pancakes and that'll be it for him.

Whirlwind said...

Great list. We'll probably spend quality time together as a family and I'll let the girls pick out gifts for him (probably more video games, but it's something they enjoy together (and I steal when they are not around).

Unfortunately, our soccer pres. scheduled the end of season banquet the same day - yeah it's going to be a family day - but I can think of many more things I'd rather be doing for Father's Day. So our plans are up in the air. Even though as VP, I'm expected to be there, I made it very clear that Husband gets to choose, it is, after all his day.

My Ice Cream Diary said...

Thank you. You just stopped me from spending too much moola on a BBQ. Funny though, I asked my man what he wants for F-day and he said, "I want to take a long nap and have something yummy for dinner." But that is what he does every Sunday. Aw, well, he is easy to please and I shouldn't complain.

VeRonda said...

Hilarious... I loved the wish list and then you got to Knight Rider, which quickly pulled me back into my childhood with my Kitt big wheel--Yes. Anyway, I'll have to share your list with other dads who want to say the same thing.

carrie said...

Is a barbeque cover acceptable? :)

pb&j in a bowl said...

I thought Father's Day was all about him getting chores done around the house and occupying the children- you know Father/daughter quality time. I thought about forwarding this post to my husband, but I don't want him to know that Father's Day really is all about him.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

How'd the chest waxing go? And an ice cube tray for loose change? I am SOOOOO impressed by that suggestion. Of course, my and my minimalist self, would NEVER be ok with an ice cube tray just HANGING out in the open. Sigh... my neuroses ruin all my fun...

Hallie

nonlineargirl said...

You forgot the item that is always at the top of my husband's wish list: 5 minutes in the cheese fry booth.

Redneck Mommy said...

Dude.

My husband is thanking you ahead of time.

I'm totally in for popcorn chicken and slave girl Leia.

(What can I say? I'm easy.)

Rick Andreoli said...

You're hilarious...

But seriously, can you even BELIEVE you're celebrating father's day? Even more hilarious!

JCK said...

At first I thought you were going to say that you wanted to be able to pick out the barbeque yourself. But, I like all of your other ideas better. Hope you get one of your wishes! Or not...

Becky said...

The picture of the bucket of chicken, the grill and the princess Leia...priceless.

I think you ought to make posters and sell them on your blog.

Finger lickin' good...I mean the chicken, not the Princess Leia.

HFD!

The Maid

Kristen said...

Great suggestions...but you are totally getting a grill, dude.

My husband will get a card.

Made by the kids.

And maybe some single malt scotch if he's lucky.

J-Ko said...

Great suggestions. I'm so getting my husband a bucket of Popcorn Chicken. If only Xbox 360 was as cheap, i'd make my husband a very very happy man.

Always Home and Uncool said...

Brilliant. I Dream of Jeannie or Bailet from WKRP would have been my choices, but six of one, half dozen of the other.

thespohrsaremultiplying.com said...

Best Father's Day gift guide ever. You have convinced me to buy my husband a Barbeque.

Wait, that wasn't your point?

Ian said...

Hee hee. This reminds me of the Chris Rock Show where he pays the electric bill as a Father's Day gift. I guess we all need to get more creative.

Jade said...

My dad would definitely want a grill, but he would probably enjoy a trip to the "birthplace of Colonel Sanders" just as much. Classic!

Tismee2 said...

I'm begining to think every day is father's day in this house. I usually 'surprise' him with a big hamper of chocs from Thorntons - all his favourites. Now he's on a diet and hasn't eaten chocolate for two weeks. Might have to be socks - (do they do hampers of socks???) - we just bought a new barbeque.
Princess Leia.....hmmm

McMommy said...

I like the Rock Band idea. Nothing says "you are the best dad in the universe" like "LOVE BITES! (love bleeds...It's bringing me to my knees!!)"

Ben & Bennie said...

Def Leppard? Tony, too bad you live across the universe from me (Carolina is another world from California). You'd be a lot of fun to play with ...uh hmmm...in a manly man sort of way. KFC? Princess Leia? Dwarves? Monkeys? You'd make a great redneck!

Little Rascal said...

My dad always reads those kind of magazines when he's warming the toilet-seat for hours. :P

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mama speak said...

Your picture...it's speaks a thousand words. :)

creative-type dad said...

mama speak -- I could have just posted the picture. That would pretty much sum it all up.

Ben & Bennie -- I know. I just need some overalls and I'm good to go.

McMommy -- Great! Now that song is stuck in my head...again.

Redneck Mommy -- Wow. You're so awesome....

Stacie said...

ROFLMAO...the picture at the end just made me spit out my lunch<--in laughter not digust. ;)

mrsmogul said...

My husband wouldnt want a BBQ either. He says he hates the smell. SO I AM STOKED!

creative-type dad said...

mrsmogul -- He has a better excuse than me. I just don't like cooking and I hate the clean-up.
BBQ's looks easy on TV, but it lies.

wayabetty said...

TONY! You're killing me!! Well, the hubbie requested to have a day all to himself. But before that, he bought himself a Nikon D40 or something like that. It takes really nice pictures though. Next year, an iPhone for sure! As I was leaving with the 4 kids to go to my Mom's yesterday, I thought I heard him blasting the radio to the tune of "Freedom" by George Michael!! The nerve! That's my song!!

But you know what we had for lunch at mom's? That's right! A bucket of the Colonel!! Yummy!! I was thinking about you Tony (but don't tell the wife!).

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