Thursday, May 15, 2008

What It’s Like Calling The Poison Control Center...


They were actually very friendly and incredibly calm despite the terrified voice.

My daughter is completely into those glitter sparkles roll-ons that you put on like deodorant, except not under the arms but on the face. The wife bought her some for Christmas and now our daughter is addicted to the stuff like Gary Coleman to ice cream.

I was first opposed to the sparkles since my old roommate’s girlfriend use to wear that glitter junk ALL THE TIME, and it use to get all over the place – walls, floors, fabrics, passing birds, etc. One time I even found some in my Cookie Crisps cereal, which by the way, is just wrong!! (Where’s that Cookie Cop when you need him?)
Anyhow, this kid-version glitter my daughter has isn’t nearly as bad, and truthfully it really doesn’t go on her face at all. But she thinks it does and it keeps her occupied for a little while the wife and I get ready in the morning.

A close friend knows about her sparkle addiction and thoughtfully gave her a Princess purse set with more roll-on, glitter nail polish, and some smelly shimmering lip-gloss. She went crazy for the stuff.
So crazy that she decided to paint her lips and face with sparkling nail polish…

3 years ago a parent once told me “Trust me…add Poison Control Center to your cell phone.” (PCC 1-800-222-1222) I did that instant, along with Domino’s Pizza.

(Screaming child in background)

Poison Control Center: PCC, what’s the problem?
Me: MY DAUGHTER JUST PAINTED NAIL POLISH ON HER LIPS….!! MAYBE NOSE?? FACE? I’M NOT SURE…IS SHE GOING TO BE ALRIGHT??!!
(Oh God… now I’m an even worse parent than Britney Spears and Miley Montana's dad…and I’ll probably be on Perez Hilton within the hour…)
PCC: Nail polish?… with Princesses?
Me: YES!!! NAIL POLISH with PRINCESSES... and Butterflies... and stuff dancing on it or something like that…

(*uncomfortable pause* ...Oh great, she's probably calling Social Services to pick me up right now...)

PCC: She’ll be fine. She’s probably screaming because it taste like Diet Pepsi.
Me: Diet Pepsi!?
PCC: Yes, I’m a pharmacist and trust me, Nail Polish taste like Diet Pepsi. Besides, it’ll take about take about 3 bottles of that stuff to do any real harm.

Then she asked for my name (...Gary?) and zip code then says, ”DO NOT to use nail polish remover, use petroleum jelly instead. And stay away from Diet Pepsi.”

Really?

Now I'm all alone with 'that' bottle of nail polish. Wondering...

52 comments:

Whirlwind said...

Hum, I'm guessing that the way the PCC person talked, they probably get alot of calls about that particular nail polish.

About a month ago, McDonald's had there princess stuff (necklaces, crowns ect). And what did they put in their necklaces? Lip gloss? Nope, that would be sensible. Instead they put perfume. And what did my three year old (and four year old) do? Probably the same as many other three year olds. Opened it up, saw the container and smeared it all over her lips. Because it looked like lip gloss. Except it stunk. Really really bad. It was horrible marketing IMO.

Glad she's fine.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

So did you taste it? Did it taste like Diet Pepsi?

SciFi Dad said...

Now wait... does all nail polish taste like Diet Pepsi?

Will Diet Pepsi colour my daughter's nails if she dips her fingers in it?

And most importantly, will Diet Pepsi colour my innards?

I'm glad she's OK.

Nicole P said...

Oh my gosh, too funny. I swear, kids are nuts!!
My daughter once painted the bottoms of her feet with real nail polish and then walked around in our basement making red foorprints on the floor.

Awesome Mom said...

My mom got to call the poison control center when I drank half a bottle of Pepto Bismol. That was back in the days when they suggested Ipecac a lot more than we do now. She got the fun of dealing with a puking toddler that was vomiting pink gunk. Fun times. I just hope my kids to not repay the favor.

Surfer Jay said...

Classic. Now if I could just find one that tastes like Coke, I'd be hooked...

Roth Family Adventures said...

Dude...that's hilarious. However, I am curious to know whether you tasted the nail polish to see if it really tastes like Diet Pepsi.

Elda said...

Hilarious!
I've had to call PC a couple of times as well. Both times I called about my 2 yr old eating a whole pack of the rolaids "chewables." She thought they were candy. And just in case your kid ever does that - it's okay, and she won't die. They actually get a good kick of calcium from it - at least that's what THEY told me.

nonlineargirl said...

Wow, good tip (the cell phone with poison control number, not the pepsi thing).

lotus07 said...

I have this strange feeling that the syrup used to make Diet Pepsi and the chemicals that are used to make the nail polish may be shipped in the same railway tank cars.......

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Glad I found you..you are hilarious!
Even though the situation wasn't..I can relate to that story..and the PC told me the same thing, "It'll take three bottles of childrens tylenol to really cause any harm."
What's with this three rule?

Looking forward to coming back here, I'm going to go link you now in my ALISTER Blog roll!

Happy Daddying.
Always,
Crustybeef~

cacklinrose said...

I've called PC many many many times ( 1/3 bottle of Children's Benadryl, those little packets that come in shoe boxes [the hell?!], hand sanitizer, lip gloss - ), and each time they ask for my name and zip. I'm always afraid they're going to answer, "Oh Hiiiii, Rosie! How's kicks?" I called the paramedics for the Benadryl and they kind of just stood in my living room and watched my kid watching them - and then they left.

Ben & Bennie said...

I understand her reaction to the Diet Pepsi taste. As a Diet Coke family we are appalled to find out that Pepsi is trying to sneak up on us via nail polish. I'm taking all of mine back right now...although I might keep wearing the lilac shade for another couple of days.

McMommy said...

My first time to your blog....and I can't stop laughing!!! You are HILARIOUS!

And I love that you accented the story with Poison's picture....one of my all-time favorite hair bands...YES, I ADMIT IT!

Rattling The Kettle said...

She's right, you know. That diet pepsi crap will kill you.

Mac and Cheese said...

Cookie Crisp is too sacred around here to add glitter to. We can't get in in Canada so I have to drive for 2 hours to get some. I pitty the fool who glitters in my Cookie Crisp.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Oh I so would have tasted that stuff to verify the Diet Pepsi taste!

And then I would have called Poison Control. I'm such a screw-up.

pixie said...

Well, I think Diet Pepsi is gross too, so I'd also be screaming my head off.

I ended up calling Poison Control Center when I was a new mom. I thought I had OD'd Volcano on his children's Tylenol. They're so nice to not laugh at you, aren't they?

Chief Family Officer said...

I'm LOL but also truly relieved that your daughter was okay! Yikes, that's scary. Thank you for the Poison Control in the cell phone tip. I did it right away, and I'll make my husband do it too. And I'll be highlighting this over on CFO. And telling all of my friends, too.

Amrita said...

Send it over Tony. i could do with some nail polish and chuck out the Diet Pepsi.Really funny

creative-type dad said...

Mac and Cheese -- What?! No Cookie Crisp in Canada?
If I were you, I'd start packing.

McMommy -- Yeah! Poison and Def Leppard...!

cacklinrose -- Now I don't feel so bad. I guess your on a first name basis with them?
And I laughing about those little packets. I've always wondered about those...

Nicole P -- That's funny! And creepy. If I saw red footprints in a basements, I'd be packing my bags.

mama speak said...

Yeah, PC has heard it all I guess. We had to call when BigSpeak ate half a tube of toothpaste and threw up. I panicked, which is totally not like me, but I was 7MO pregnant, so not in my right mind. We were getting ready for her 1st DDS appt, so I called them first; they had no clue. Great. PC was like, "As long as she's barfing she's fine. Oh, and if she does want to eat/drink anything give her milk." Apparently milk pretty much absorbs everything.
BigSpeak is my "easy" kid so I imagine I should put them on speed dial for LittleSpeak.

SubarcticSuburbia said...

Diet Pepsi was forever ruined for me during the Summer of Free Drinks at our local Burger King in Tucker, Georgia, back in the day. It's actually an issue I have with The Colonel, the fact that he's a Pepsi brand these days. Blech, it's just wrong. Almost as bad as glitter in Cookie Crisp.

Sara said...

Good to know.... when I'm suddenly light headed from the nailpolish smell slowly treking out of my daughters room in the middle of the night.

Diet Pepsi Nail Polish--> It's a taste all it's own. Or is it?

Fairly Odd Mother said...

The Poison Control people are the nicest people ever. I've had to call them three times (yes, three)---twice for my son (the little bugger) and once for me when I accidentally took 2x too much medication after forgetting I had already taken it. She told me I'd have to take the entire bottle of that particular medicine for it to harm me.

And, thanks---my 5yo gets into everything---I'm sure painting her face with nail polish is going to happen someday, so you've saved me my 4th call.

Sue said...

Don't you love it when 'friends" give your kid more of the stuff you wish had never gotten in the house to begin with?

p.s. Brett Michaels ROCKS!!!!!!

Schmutzie said...

You're being featured on Five Star Friday:
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2008/05/five-star-friday-edition-6.html

Sarah O. said...

Thanks for the 27 laughs!

creative-type dad said...

SubarcticSuburbia -- Yeah, the Colonel and Pepsi - not sure about that mix.

I think Pepsi use to own the franchise years and year ago.

Or the Colonel liked to paint his nails.

painted maypole said...

ha ha! i noticed the diet pepsi on the Poison picture up above (and I just heard them on the radio today, which was cracking me up, so it's all very coincidental) That would be why I'm giving soda up. how could all those chemicals be anything BUT poison? But I think it's hysterical that that's what nail polish tastes like (and, on second thought, why would someone know that just because they are a pharmacist? is it on the final exam or something? or some hazing ritual where they are all made to drink nail polish?)

I had to call PCC when my daughter drank nail polish remover. Which is basically just alcohol, and she barely had any, and they told me give her lots of water, and she may act a little drunk (she didn't. whew)

Dad Stuff said...

Don't do it!

I can remember the girls in school using a lot of Dr Pepper lip gloss. I don't remember any girls using Diet Pepsi lip gloss.
Hmmm.

April said...

At least you weren't on the phone with the ER triage nurse trying to explain that your son had a popcorn kernal stuck in his ear and then you tried to get it out with a little super glue and a q-tip and that totally didn't go well. Uh-huh. And then a month later show up at the same ER with the same kid, only this time he has a sunflower seed up his nose. Yeah, kids are great.

Whit said...

I have it on good authority that White Shoulders tastes like Beefeater.

Backpacking Dad said...

The first "Princess" thing that comes into my home is getting a big ol' toxic warning label slapped onto it. That's the lesson I've learned from you.

Pageant Mom said...

Oh my! Glad everything is ok!

I'm lucky, I have a hard time getting my kids to put food in their mouths much less anything toxic LOL

I would hope that companies that make the stuff for kids would be mindful that it could end up ingested....

But taste like diet pepsi? How do they KNOW that???

Ron said...

Finally, something that doesn't taste like chicken...

Lisa said...

I'm a Coke girl myself.

The Jillybean said...

Thanks for stopping by to see me! Poison Control knows me well and I have them on speed dial. When I call the first thing they say is " Hi Mrs...So, what's Smartypants done now?" Yeah, they know me well. There was the kerosene, the mushroom, the furniture polish, the bleach, the strawberry shampoo. That is all I can think of at the moment.

Beck said...

The people at poison control are the calmest people in the world, as I found out during my dozens of phonecalls to them because of my son, The Boy Who Ate Stuff. Like a bar of Ivory soap (nontoxic!) and a stick of deoderant (also nontoxic!).

The Real Mother Hen said...

Those glitter sparkles are toxic - according to my mom.
She went the extra mile to make sure that we grew up without any glitter sparkles. Now she's poisoning the thought of my niece that glitter is bad bad bad!
*sob sob*

kittenpie said...

You almost have to try it now...

My friend's brother ate EVERYTHING, the poison control people actually knew them. Because the weird thing with kids is, soemthing tasting horrible doesn't actually stop them from eating it. He ate everything right up to and including perfume, which must be godawful. And my sister downed a whole bottle of cought syrup once. Can you imagine? That stuff is foul!

radioactive girl said...

I'm glad she's ok. And are you ever going to tell us if you tasted it to confirm? Now I am very curious!

Zoe said...

the one and only time i have ever had to call poison control (surprisingly)the worker spoke little english and seemed to understand even less. i have no clue which one of us was more frustrated and i ended up hanging up on her. i always knew diet pop was pure evil.

Ok, Where Was I? said...

I just love your posts. I also love Cookie Crisp. And I'm almost curious enough to go find a bottle of nail polish and taste it.

creative-type dad said...

radioactive girl -- No, I never did try it. I'm think if I did, I would call Poison control again just to be absolutely sure.

The Jillybean -- Wow!! I bet your son's immune system must be pretty good by now.

Bee Repartee said...

Yay for poison control! I didn't know that about petroleum jelly taking it off.

Do tell, does it sparkle on the way out too?

Oh, yeah right. Like none of the other parents wondered... :)

OverDad said...

Diet Pepsi? LMAO That is hilarious, and I really want to test this theory. Must. Stop. Self.

foop said...

I just hurt myself laughing at Mac and Cheese's comment.

As for Bee Repartee's question, I'm not sure about sparkles, but my friend's dog ate a box of sidewalk chalk once. His poop was very festive for about a week.

creative-type dad said...

Bee Repartee -- Hmm, I don't know...but curious.

foop -- Wow, that's really weird. Did he take a picture?

carrie said...

Oh no!

I'm glad she's okay, but you need to back away from the nail polish.

Stacie said...

right! right? how does that person KNOW it taste like diet pepsi..and why does it taste like diet pepsi and does it have less calories???

common mom said...

HA! What IS it with little girls and glitter and 'pail nolish'? My daughter got the exact same purse for Christmas . . . and oh. my. gawd. She HAS to have the stupid glitter stuff on her lips . . . which means it's all over her mouth, including her chin - her very own glitter gotee.