When Your Kids Asks, “Have you ever heard of a vinyl record?”

My daughter asked me recently, “have you ever heard of a vinyl record?”

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

She went on to tell me how the neighbor’s 19YO had one and played them on this funny thing called a "record player.” 

I nearly died laughing inside just listening to her explain it to me.

She went on, “oh my gosh…in the old days, it was a lot of trouble to hear just ONE song. There was no Pandora. Can you believe that!?"

Then I went downstairs and hidden in our cabinet showed her my record player and around 200 records in boxes bought in the 80s and a good chunk bought in goodwill and antique shops while I was in college in the early 90’s because people were just giving them away. Most of then still had the price tags of $.25 to a steep $1.50! I’ve always had a thing for records as it always reminded me of my grandmother listening to records (mostly Tom Jones) on Saturday mornings while eating breakfast. 

Now nearly every Saturday morning she loves getting up early and playing records on this novel record player and telling her friends about her dad has this huge collection that she’ll get one day. 

Now I’m feeling like some hipster; of course before hipsters were cool. So does that make me a pre-hipster? 

Why Do DJ’s Hate Father’s So Much? Depressing Songs At The Daddy-Daughter Dance

Maybe they don’t have daughters? Maybe they don’t have father’s themselves? Maybe they wake up each day and say to themselves, “today’s the day…the day I want to make father’s CRY!” and then laugh all the way to Trader Joe’s.

Like unicorns, I’ve only heard stories of these Daddy-Daughter dances by a few friends with daughters. I was pleasantly surprised when my daughter came home from school with an invite to one.

First of all whoever came up with the idea of this dance I’d like to personally thank. The idea of an event like this with your daughter is just great.  

My only issue was the DJ’s selections of songs – we walked into the ballroom and the DJ had this song playing:

Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle

Seriously? If there’s one thing a father doesn’t want to think about AT ALL, it’s GIVING his daughter away to be married when she’s little. Or DATING. Or BOYS.

Then followed by a few of these...

Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman

 The PROM? She came home with a RING on her hand? She’ll be GONE? Honestly, DJ man. Honestly.

My Little Girl by Tim McGraw

I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s nothing more depressing than a country song about a daughter.

Later when we got home - me emotionally exhausted and my daughter physically exhausted, my wife asked me how it was. I told her about my newfound knowledge of DJ’s and reinterated my disdain for country music calling it “the devil’s music” and some other choice words.  She went on to tell me that the Mother-Son event was being held at a place that has lazer tag, games, pizza, and go-kart racing.

Mother’s have it so much easier…

I Want To Freeze My Daughter. Maybe Costco Has Something…

Can anybody help? She's going to be 3 soon and I wanted to know if there’s a way I can keep her 2-years old just a little longer.

Today while playing our favorite game together, "tea and KFC", I began to realize that she’s not a baby anymore. I started thinking about how big she’s getting and how different she is from this time last year. Back then she could say some words, even put some together like “Hi Elmo!”, “Red Car”, "Chicken Bucket", “Kevin Costner makes really bad movies...”
She could talk a little, but she was pretty much still a baby.

But now things are completely different. I’m not sure when it happened but in the past year she’s learned all kinds of new skills and tricks. She can now draw (or attempt), do stunts, has favorite shows and places to visit, plays poker (or attempt), has friends she talks about constantly, has a vivid imagination that completely fascinates me, tells stories, asks the most entertaining questions about the world around her that I’ve ever heard, and I can have really interesting conversations with her too:

Daughter: Dad-DEE, there’s a MONSTER under my bed
Me: Don’t pee in your pajamas, or he’ll stay there.
Daughter: (thinking) …O.K.!

Daughter: Dad-DEE, I want a baby sister
Me: OK, we’ll buy one at Target next time they’re on sale. Save your money.
Daughter: Oh, Thank you Dad-DEE! I get my moneys.

Daughter: (morning, just waking up) Dad-DEE, you use FEET to pedal a BIKE!
Me: That’s right! And you use a POTTY to go POOP.
Daughter: That’s right! Very Good!!

Why does this have to end when “2” just became fun? Her questions to me about the world around her as if I’m some kind of tour guide in a foreign country are really quite enjoyable; I like being the tour guide. And the best part is - I'm always right! She never questions any of my answers. To her I'm Yoda.
I just hope she still needs a Yoda tour guide at 3, 4, 5, etc. If not, I just may have to check those Target store ads for sales.

Maybe that's how you know when you're ready for another one...

Are You There God? It’s Me Tony…What’s Happening To Me!?

I’m not fond of that one sappy country song about butterfly kisses or even that one about that kid getting the hi-heel shoes for his mom on Christmas (or something like that.)
Some parents like those emotional things, but me – I’ve never really considered myself an emotional parent. But oddly enough I’ve been coming across those two songs a lot more than usual the last few weeks while flipping through the radio late at night during those “love song” dedications on the local adult contemporary station (you know the ones where love struck stalkers usually call to tell their neighbor that they’ve been going through their trash and they’ve kidnapped the cat…)

Now imagine me getting a little sentimental when the wife was gone (at her MBA orientation) and my daughter was cooking for me in her play kitchen. On the menu: strawberry tea, “crackcorn” (her word for popcorn) sushi, ice cream, and “bloop” (her word for soup) edamame. I was enjoying my exotic dishes all while watching her spout out all kinds of funny things moving around like she was on Iron Chef. I can’t even begin to explain how much I enjoy playing with her and listening to her version of the adult world; she completely fascinates me.

Then it happened -- that song popped jumped into my head:

… She was sent here from heaven and she's daddy's little girl… …She's looking like her mama a little more everyday One part woman, the other part girl… She'll change her name today. She'll make a promise and I'll give her away….

(Freakin’ A -- How much of this song do I know anyway…?!)

“What’s?…What’s happening to me? (staring at my hands like I was turning into the Hulk,... or Sally Field.)

Then I looked at her, got a little shaky in the knees, thinking about how one day my little girl will be all grown up and I wondered if she’ll remember times like this (maybe there was estrogen in that tea? Or maybe I’ve watched one too many Lifetime movies...)

“Look! Daddy! Colonel’s Chicken!” – YUMMY!”

My daughter pulled out her toy KFC bucket from the toy fridge. I snapped out of it.

((big smile))

It’s times like this I’m going to remember forever (And I’m changing the radio station presets.)

Snails and ice creamChicken SushiEdemame BloopThe Colonel's Finest

To My Daughter On Her 2nd Birthday

Happy Birthday Miss Bean!

I just can't believe you're 2. Where did the time go...!?

It seems as if were yesterday watching you make your grand entrance into this world (I cut your cord and didn’t pass out), bringing you home for the first time (that nervous drive home took a lot longer than normal), and then staring at you in complete amazement wondering what adventures lay ahead and what kind of person you were going to be (watching you sleep was better than any TV show.)
Never would I have imagined the absolute joy of watching you grow, learn, walk, and talk. Most of all – the happiness and delight you bring to your mommy and I (your smile and laugh still make me melt...) I'm still in awe at how much that delicate baby I once held is gone, growing up fast, and getting a little more independent each day. Although, in my eyes, you’ll still be my little baby girl (even when you’re 30...)

Some of your favorite things:
Doodlebops, The Wiggles, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Cinderella, Animals (especially monkeys), Wooden Puzzles, your Cheetah Girls 2 purse filled with aliens, trucks and princesses, Books, Play Kitchen & Cooking, Coloring & Drawing, the slide in the park, Dancing, Singing.

Things I'm going to miss most when you grow up:
Cooking me Sushi, Rice, and Edamame in your play kitchen, eating "crackcorn" (popcorn), putting your stuffed animals to bed, your stinky blanket that has magical powers, how something simple - like a bug or a flower - can be a celebrity in your eyes.

What you asked for your birthday:
A bike (I bought you that LikeABike knockoff that you need to grow into), Ice Cream, Strawberries, drive the MINI Cooper (go ask your mom...)