I never did get around to those Breakdancing lessons. The closest thing to it was our friend demonstrating the correct way to ‘Roger Rabbit’ at a dinner party we had on Saturday night. People sure love to show off their 80’s moves when you get a little alcohol in them.
Over dinner a strange topic came up that had me in deep thought for the rest of the weekend. When I lived in Newport Beach (Balboa) just after college I had two roommates that were 'dancers' -code name for strippers (which was very cool at the time for a ‘non-frat’ guy just out of Art School), and 2 neighbors were also…. nuns! Just kidding, strippers but at different places (no turf wars going on in Orange County). The novelty wore off after a few days when I discovered all of them had major problems – and they had plenty, and they liked to talk about them, a lot. Especially to each other, they had an odd- support style ‘AA’ group going on. But the conversations always came back to their Dads. None of them had involved fathers; they all had some kind of ‘Daddy-Issue’ (not involved, didn’t care/no rules, worked way too much, dad ‘walked-out’) which to them was a HUGE reason why they were careless, dated ‘married old-guys’, lived the ‘life of the pole’, etc. They just didn’t care and they were either looking for a Sugar Daddy to save them or were getting back at their Fathers.
I hadn’t thought, or even talked, about that part of my life in years, but now (as a Dad of a girl) revisiting this completely freaks me out.
Do you realize how much influence a Dad has on his daughter? A whole freakin’ lot! If there’s anything that a Dad fears the most, it’s his daughter doing any of that. It just makes me sick, and more that likely every other father too.
Moms - don’t believe me? Ask your husband. I can bet he would much rather have his daughter say she were pregnant by the school janitor and moving to Chico than her working down at the “Star Kitty Club”.
I swear, I feel more and more like Tony Danza from that movie “She’s Out Of Control”.
On a happier note - I finally updated my Blogroll to the right. There were a few that needed to go (people who haven’t updated their Blog since last year.) And of course lots of additions of “cool peeps". If I forgot you and you link to me, shoot me an email or comment.
18 comments:
Dad sure is an important guy! My latest post is about that actually.
A buddy of mine who has two daughters sums up his entire set of parenting beliefs and responsibilities by saying, "I only have one job in my life and that's to keep both daughters off the stripper pole."
You know. If you're only going to have ONE job when it comes to your kids, that may not be a bad one.
Just this weekend, my husband (step-dad to our daughter) announced that he thinks our daughter is ready for the convent. She's eight, and already too pretty for her own good.
I know exactly what you're saying.
In my early- to mid-twenties, I went through a stripper dating phase. They're all looking for father figures.
They/re either looking for support, stability, or someone to rebel against.
I really wasted a couple of years.
I haven't thought about that in at least 10 years. Wow. That felt cathartic.
Anyway, you are absolutely right. Fathers are soooo important in the development of little girls (and boys, too).
If I have a girl (or both of the twins are girls), I plan to wear my biker colors everywhere I take them and stand over them menacingly. :-)
So I think that by teaching your daughter the midget breakdance, you may in fact be keeping her off the pole -- or perhaps just grooming her for a whole other underworld dance routine that gives me the shivers.
Seriously, though, as a father of two girls (6 and 4), this is perhaps the thing that scares me more than anything else: my daddy makes me who I become. So does that mean mommies are responsible for little boys' behavior? =)
Thanks for adding me to the blogroll!
I am hoping my daughters avoid the stripper life! My husband is an awesome father. Even though he works a lot, when he is home, he is all theirs. That is actually one of the reasons I married him, because I knew he would make a wonderful dad some day and I was right. I had a dad that was not available to me even though he lived in the same house. Luckily I had other man figures in my life that were good guys.
HI Tony,
As soon as dumb-old Typepad fixes its problem, you'll be an official "Cranky Daddy" on my blogroll.
I agree with you about the DAd thing.. I have a wonderful father who's made a huge difference in my not becoming a pole dancer :O)
I'd love to be one of your 'cool peeps' sites if you're inclined....
Good post.
Girls need their Dads to be strong and available, otherwise they will look elsewhere for that value that Dad should have given. And so will boys (but probably not on a pole).
This just brings up the point that Dads need to scare the hell out of potential boyfriends though, huh, and certainly bring out the wooden bat when these chumps come over for a date.
I don't have a daughter.
But I loooove "she's out of control". I used to laugh when he would get 'the look' on his face...
Just one more reason I'm glad I have boys. (Not that moms don't have scary-as-hell influence over their sons, though...)
I had a conversation with Dave about how important we were to Annabelle right after she was born. Dave said something to me like, "Well, your the mom. She'll always need you. You can give her everything. What do I do? Help her with homework in ten years?"
I was quick to correct him and explain that Dads are important because they teach their daughters how they will be treated by men in the future. I explained to Dave that he will be Annabelle's first real date, he will teach her appropriate conversation, how she can expect other men to touch her, etc. And through his relationship with her he can guide her towards having healthy romantic relationships for the rest of her life. He was floored.
Yes, it's a lot of responsibility. But I think you're up to it!!
Chris Rock said it well, I think, when he said, 'you just gotta keep your daughters off the pole. Keep 'em off the pole. If your daguhter gets on the pole, you've f***ed up.'
But I think that you can manage that. We all can. Love and support and all that shit.
I go through this same thing. I'll find myself watching the latest Lifetime movie about the sensitive straight-A student who turns into an axe-wielding arsonist hooker and think, "Omigod. Is THAT what I have to look forward to?"
(Is it some odd, psychic coincidence that we both mention Tony Danza in our latest posts?)
sweatpantsmom - That's weird? Did Tony Danza come to you in a dream too...?
Her Bad Mother - Chris Rock said that?? He actually said something intelligent...
"How To Keep Your Baby Girl Off the Pole: a How-To Manual for Fathers of Daughters"
I smell a book deal!
Sad thing, indeed, though it doesn't always turn out that way. My dad left when I was 18 months and now I'm friends with him and I'm a librarian, so while maybe most dancers had problem dads, not all problem dads create dancers. Feel better?
And is that Dana Plato? Talk about sad...
It sure is Dana Plata! After I saw that Diff'Rent Strokes "behind the scenes" movie on TV a few weeks ago. I keep telling my wife "That Kimberly Drumman was a Hoochie!"
You know...I've known a few "dancers" in my time and you are right on. They all had absentee fathers or had been left or somehow rejected by their fathers. It's kinda sad...
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