Yes, and in 8 languages too. My old electric sharpener at work died after 6 years of dedicated service. Today I finally got my replacement, and it came with instructions. Like a dork, thinking it had some special magical powers like bill pay, I read them:1. Insert plug in nearest outlet.
2. Insert pencil into the opening (oh, so that’s where it goes..?) Motor will start.
3. Remove sharpened pencil.
Save these instructions for future reference. (Recycle logo)
When I’m an Old and Can't Smell My Cologne Anymore
I was tagged by Mamalee for this.When I am an old, I hope to:
1. Have Robotic parts that allow me to finally crush beer cans in my hand. Or at least on my steel forehead.
2. Have a walking cane with a brass goose head (which removes to reveal a flask) and has a retractable knife at the bottom to scare away rowdy teenagers.
3. To be addressed as "Dr." or "old wise one" to friends, family and strangers. And only as "The Punisher" to enemies.
4. Have lots of grandkids who will want to visit me (the "Dr.") for my ability to make balloon animals, perform magic tricks, and to hear my heroric War stories (of wars I was never in.)
When I am an old, I will not:
1. Still never buy credit card protection insurance.
2. Use a wheelchair or one of those "little rascal" motor chairs (...unless it fly's)
3. Start complaining about the government (I can do that now)
4. Use my magic and balloon making powers for evil. EVER!
Invisalign Update
I’ve promised a few of you awhile back for an update on my Invisalign experience (or as I like to call it “ma’ grillzs.....ahhhh yeeeah!" *big grin*)I’m on week 10 and I think they’re working. They must be because every time I put in a new aligner it hurts for the first two days (nothing a little Motrin and some Vodka won't fix.) The upside so far:
1. It’s working
2. Aligners don’t affect my “speech” anymore.
3. Can’t really tell they’re there anymore.
Downside:
1. Eating is a pain; in fact I recommend these for weight loss because you really have to think about snacking (is it really worth the trouble of taking them out and then cleaning the teeth, again and again.)
2. The 'tooth sanding'. The dentist sands in-between the teeth so they can move- very weird.
3. The first week - getting use to taking them on and off without sheer pain. After a week it's no problem anymore.
So far, until “lasers”, yoga, or David Copperfield can correct teeth - they're by far the best choice without looking like a dork in your 30's with a metal mouth.
Just another guy named “Tony” at the Italian festival
Yup, that was me on Saturday at a local Italian festival. I wanted to introduce my daughter to a little family heritage (the 1/4th of me that’s Italian; 1/8 in her…does that even mean anything anymore these days?) I’m probably better off just taking her to Italy or maybe Disney's Epcot because Italian heritage in L.A. is pretty sad.The "festival" was very ghetto, they didn’t even serve any Chianti (only Australian Yellowtail? What's up with that!?) The pizza could be mistaken for Pizza Hut and the sandwiches resembled Subway. And don’t even get me started on the Gelato – they had “basic” flavors like strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate – that's not real Gelato! Where's Amaretto or Hazelnut? My grandmother would have slapped everybody and made them all do push-ups.
Fiji vacation begins Friday night (meca leca hi, meka hiney ho!)
We leave for Fiji and I couldn’t be more thrilled. The wife and I desperately need a vacation away from work and our normal "groundhog day" routine. I’m just going to sit on a beach, eat, drink, sketch, and watch my daughter play in the sand with endangered turtles. (I mean seriously... what kid wouldn’t want to play with endangered turtles, right?)
I am taking my laptop; apparently private islands have Wi-Fi now, so I may end up posting pictures of things like island villagers, beaches, and us painting endangered turtles. Or I may not, and just sleep (you can do that kind of thing on vacation without getting fired.)
32 comments:
Hello CTD,
Interesting posts...I am new here, came across to your blog while, was searching for parenting blogs...have found your blog very interesting I liked all your posts..thanks for sharing and keep the good work going on...cheers...
Self Help Zone
Don't even think of taking the laptop!
Have a great vacation!
I'm completely jealous and thinking, "What the hay? He gets to go to Fiji and I get to go to...Oh yeah, I don't get to go anywhere. How is that right?
Blessings,
~Toni~
(who has better things to do than lay on beaches, like deal with her kid's bleeding eyeball. Nice, don'tcha think?).
Safe travels!
[That was me above. I forgot to proofread my comment and it was illegible!]
Lovin' the first comment. Can we say SPAM? Jeeze.
You know, I am so freakin' serious that you could do stand-up. Your observations are like when you watch a comedy show and nod your head the whole time, saying "YES!"
The "Groundhog Day" routine. LOL. Love the reference. Love Groundhog Day (the movie, not the "day"!)
"Italian Tony." I'm 1/4 Italian. I still don't think it matters. In the long run, nobody even notices except for the black hairy arms and woman-mustache (all of which I shave, but thanks to my Italian heritage for even having it at ALL!)
"[Never]Use a wheelchair or one of those "little rascal" motor chairs (...unless it fly's)"
OMG! My husband and I were JUST talking about this. What makes old people think that just because they are now "mobile" with their freakin' scooters, that EVERYONE must yield right-of-way to them? And you're damned if you don't..they'll run your ass OVER!
The other day, we were in a casino, and my husband said an old man in a scooter blocked the WHOLE entrance to the restroom, got OFF of his scooter, walked to the urinal, did his business, and then washed his hands. There was a LINE outside the bathroom waiting for the guy to MOVE. [oh poor babies! a LINE outside your restroom? how DO you cope! :roll:] Finally, he got back on his scooter and left. He never even apologized. UGH!
Lovin' your GRILLZ. Ahhhh yeaaaaaaaaah...you must be pickin' up the "shawties" right and left!
Have a wonderful Figi vacation. Never been there, but LOVE their bottled water :wink:! Don't forget to send a postcard!
When I'm old, all I want is The Clapper. Heck, I want it now.
Have a fantastic vacation!
have an amazing trip (how could you NOT?) I am totally jealous. but since I don't want to provoke THE PUNISHER, I'll keep it to myself.
Just wanted to let you know that there is a Popeyes Chicken in Fiji, my friend. You might as well use your vacation to come on over to the Dark Side!
Fiji? So jealous. (Except not about the Popeye's part.)
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Homemade turtle soup and Popeye's biscuits! That's worth the tooth pain!
You must tell me about the Fiji experience in it's glory. The hubs and I are going to start planning our trip for November anyday now and I need to know if the sand in Fiji is worth trying to get out of the sensitive pink parts...
Have fun. And try not to behave.
Sounds like a fantastic trip! Have fun.
GREAT meme - thanks for playing!
And have a GREAT time in Fiji! I can't wait to hear all about it when you get back!
xoxo
Have fun. Post pictures!
Hello "old wise one"....hope you have a fabulous time on your vacation! Bring us t-shirts! LOL
I vote for sleepping, even though I would love to see pictures. Have a great trip!
I'm surprised you don't want people to call you the "colonel" instead of Dr. when you're old and gray.
Have a great vacation Tony! I'm so jealous!!! And I hear that turtle soup tastes like chicken.
Did the pencil sharpener instructions tell you not to use in water?? If not I think it was lacking.
Love your "Old" answers.
Glad the braces are doing their job.
Sorry about the lame Italian day.
Have a fantabulous time! Please do post pictures - even if it's when you get back. While you're there just relax and live like you're in a Corona commercial.
Ditto what everyone else said.
Seriously, when you're the 21st commenter, what else can you say?
I'll drink a bottle of Fiji Water in your honor. And a Mai Tai.
Ruth Dynamite -- I have a Clapper. I usually break it out around Christmas and hook it up to the tree. It's just like "it's a wonderful life" except in the movie they don't use a clapper.
MetroDad -- LOL, I'm not even going to ask how you why you were eating Popeyes on FIJI?? But I may go there if I need some good spicy chicken.
wayabetty -- you know I did write that down, but then I took it out. The non-phat chicken thing bothers me THAT much...
Jenster -- I completely imagine it to be exactly like a Corona commercial. Ole'.
"Kelli BoBelli" -- That's just rude! I would have jump in his scooter and taken it for a joy ride.
Good luck with your Grillz and your trip, Creative-Type. If you feel like sharing, you should post some of your sketches on your blog! I suspect I'm not the only doofus that comes here that would like to see them.
I have in the past:
http://creativetypes.blogspot.com/2007/04/sketches-from-starring-at-my-kid.html#links
http://creativetypes.blogspot.com/2006/09/sketches-of-my-daughter.html#links
It would be nice if my scanner could digitize my sketchbooks by itself, then I would post them more often.
Wow, FIJI! DREAM VACATION! Can't wait to hear the deets. Have a great time and take pics for us!!! :)
I saw the sketches you put up last month, but didn't see the ones from 2006! Very cool! Thanks for sharing!
Endangered turtles are the best turtles to play with!
If I fill out 'lawn of the month' contest entries, am I old too?
Have fun in Fiji.
No vacation instructions? What will you do?
Have a great vacation...or I hope you had one (and didn't take the laptop).
Is that book for Dummies real? Or am I proving I need it just by asking the question?
You should go to the Italian fest in New York. Real gelato, real Italian wine, real Italians.
Have fun in Fiji!
For the record, I hope I never need one of those "little rascals" either!
Carrie
Ohhh. Hope the vacation is a blast!
Awesome! Sounds like a great place for vacation.
And I am so with you on the oldster stuff. I hadn't had a cane in my thinking, but I like that, too... hmmm. Maybe I can just roll you for yours! Heh.
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