Sunday, July 22, 2007

It's Official - I’m Starting MY OWN CIRCUS!!

We survived the Ringling Bros and Barnum & Bailey circus Friday night. My daughter could not stop talking about it for 2 days – elephants, horses, tigers, and bears (oh my!) Actually there were no bears, and to my disappointment no monkeys either. Somehow I thought those two were a requirement for all circuses? I need to write my congressman about that one...

As soon as we sat down, the vendors guys starting walking around selling their wares – are you ready for this? $12 for cotton candy (the kind from the $.99 store), $7 box of popcorn (how can popcorn be MORE expensive that a movie theater??) $15 for a snow cone (disclosure, it came a plastic horse head – which was pretty cool because it looked like you were eating “horse brain” – not sure if that was intentional or not), $20 for a plastic sword, and $3.50 for a regular bag of M&M’s.
Can you guess what we bought? The M&M’s. And we shared it. Next time we're sneaking stuff in, just like a real movie theater.


Overall the show wasn’t half bad. In fact, you can tell "the canadains" (Cirque Du Soleil) have had some influence on the “real” circus because they had a live band, an overarching “light” story about a clown named “Bello”, skimpy outfit dancing girls (whoa! Don’t get too excited dudes, they were kind of "carnie-looking"), and Chinese acrobats that were all, like 3 feet tall and combined together to form a giant robot! I wish...
They had the traditional tiger tamer guy (he yelled in Spanish – now, I don’t speak Spanish, but I swear he was cussing…), horses running in circles, elephant conga line, human cannon (a married coupled who looked like Bob and Helen from “The Incredibles”), clowns doing some Dancing with the Stars satire, and poodles turning all kinds of tricks (chika-chika, wa-wa! No not those kind.) Those poodles were VERY popular - I swear, when they were on, the kids sounded more like a bunch of screaming Elvis fans.
Since this was pretty much my first real circus (and the wife’s too) there were some things that kind of bothered us. For instance – they did some blatant product placement in the show (marshmallows?), we felt REALLY guilty about the tiger performance (they obviously weren’t smiling about being whipped around) and we weren't sure why they had zebra’s in the show (they didn’t do anything – shouldn’t they be running along with Timon and Pumba in the jungle frolicking, singing or something…?) And there was no tent; it was actually in the arena. O.K. first no monkeys and then no tent!? Now I’m no expert on circuses but isn’t that breaking all kinds of circus rules?

I couldn’t help but think what kind of acts I would do if I had my own circus:
1. Roller-skating Monkeys. Maybe to the Bee-Gee’s or ELO.
2. Kittens out of Cannons. They can wear capes, crash helmets, sport curly mustaches, and have crazy French names like Monsieur Pierre-Louis Lefèvre and Alice.
3. Live ska performance by The English Beat. They can sing Tears of a Clown with REAL clowns.
4. Circus tent made out of bed sheets --like on “The Little Rascals.”
5. Monster trucks that get eaten by that giant robot, crusher, truck eater.
6. Bears with tutu’s, sunglasses, and umbrellas on unicycles. Or just humans in bear costumes.
7. REAL Freak show. Like a dude on a bed of nails, the elephant man’s 12 children, some bald guy named "Rusty" that can spit fire balls and knock down beer cans, little ponies with little riders parade (and they all can have mustaches. Even the ponies!)
8. Midget Ringmaster with a voice that closely resembles Barry White. Or just David Hasselhoff (the real one.)

If you know of anybody that can do any of these, or maybe you have some talent or act that you'd like to add - leave a comment.
This is going to be the best circus....ever!

27 comments:

laughing mommy said...

I don't think I could eat rainbow brains out of a pony head. That is just all kinds of wrong.

Whit said...

I like #2. I can has cannon?

Absolutely Bananas said...

wow sounds like a great event. I would totally go. sign me up as the bearded lady... I swear since having a child I could totally do it. I know, I know, this is WAAAAY too much information.

Dan said...

I was terrified of clowns as a child, so the circus was a bit of a no no for me.

Then I saw Stephen King's IT. Now I'm scared of big monster spiders that eat brains too.

sourpatchbaby said...

How about a toddler that finishes his/her vegetables? Or a baby that comes fully potty trained? And bring back the tallest man in the world married to the smallest woman in the world. You can get the singing wolf brothers that they showed on TV that one time that I turned the channel..

Oh, The Joys said...

The pony head sno cone is a new low.

Jenifer said...

I'm definitely going to your circus!!

I hear you on the animal cruelty though, the state of CT I belive has banned Ringling Bros from coming to our state due to it....

Which is kind of ironic since P.T. Barnum was from CT....

radioactive girl said...

When we went a few years ago, our experience was similar, but no pony brains. My kids would have loved that!

kittenpie said...

I am SO coming to your circus. The cats alone could be worth the price of popcorn. (And the pony brains? Ewwww.)

carrie said...

Oh, I would soooo go to your circus too!

That other one sounds, well, just strange. Glad you made it out alive!

Carrie

Whirlwind said...

I would so go to your circus.

We went to the Ringling Brothers one when Einey was 2 and she had a blast. We got the snow cone in a tiger head cup and you know what - the stinking cup hasn't been used since. We just haven't been back yet.

sourpatchbaby said...

I meant the wolf boys that have the hypertrichosis gene. Now that's a wolf boy (not quite as wolfy as the baldwin brothers, but wolfy nonetheless)

Darren said...

We took Clare to the circus a couple years ago and bought everything...I got a shirt too. Ringling Bros. can come to CT by the way; they were just here on schedule in May.

crazymumma said...

I think that would be RAINBOW horse brain. I am totally entranced in all the bad ways with those freaky snow cones....

pixie said...

Can't come to your circus... too afraid of clowns. And of midgets. And of roller-skating monkeys. Good luck with that, though!

Ruth Dynamite said...

Sign me up! I'll sell rubber chickens ($24.99) in a clown suit!

The Real Mother Hen said...

Hey your circus experience sounded fun :)
Now about your circus, please count me to be your vendors :)

creative-type dad said...

The Real Mother Hen --- I'm looking for people to dress as Colonel Sanders and sell Popcorn Chicken...
How's that?

Ruth Dynamite -- how about real chickens? I always felt selling rubber ones is inhumane

sourpatchbaby -- the wolf kids are hired. And the baldwin guys, I think they need the work.

kittenpie -- Those kittens would be the main attraction. I would use them on the TV commercials - and give them Voice-Overs with funny accents (people LOVE funny accents!)

Absolutely Bananas -- if it's a ZZ-Top type beard, then your hired.

junebee said...

I had read that circuses had very few animal acts anymore due to the PETA activists.

Ranking Roger rules. Totally rules.

dennis said...

we don't do the circus. Our imps are terrified of clowns. How this is, I do not know as they have never seen a clown in 'real life'

Lisa said...

I'd pay $7.50 for popcorn at your circus. Um... no, not even at your circus. Insane!

Rebecca said...

I'm so there already. But a word of warning...I will be sneaking in my own popcorn and pony-heads...haha.

Jenster said...

Those prices are insane.

I've never been big into the circus (I have an unrealistic aversion to clowns), but I'd totally see your circus! I might even buy concessions there.

creative-type dad said...

Rebecca -- "real" pony heads?

Jenster -- then you're definitely on the VIP list.

dennis -- this was my daughter's first encounter with clowns, she didn't do bad. She did cry a little when they would hurt each other.

junebee -- normally I think PETA are a bunch of freaks (because they're always fighting against my man "the colonel") but in this case, I can see. That tiger act was senseless.
But the Horses, elephants, poodles, kittens out of cannons - totally acceptable

JayMonster said...

While I still tend to think of "Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey" as "The Greatest Show on Earth" I really don't count it as a "circus" any more.

Due to their size, as you point out, there are a lot of things that make a traditional circus a lot more fun.

I mean the original Barnum "Circus" (no I don't "remember it" wise guy) was all about the Side shows, and now because they are held in arenas for 20,000 people at a time, you don't have such things.

I will take a small traveling circus that still sets up in a tent any day. The show may not be quite as "spectacular" or "flashy" but you are much closer to it all, and I think a much better experience (monkeys usually included).

DJ Kirkby said...

This just sounds like the best circus ever, like the ones I saw as a child. The circus's over here do not have annimals in the acts at all. We have the Moscow State circus, the Chinese State circus and a few others, no Ringling Bros though.

La Chili said...

I wish I could take my kid to see it, he is turning 2 on july, but we live in Mexico, so I don't think so.
Still, was very nice to read about it.