No, You STILL Can’t Have a Cat!

My daughter has been begging for a cat again. Apparently my excuses from last year (“Big Bird use to have a little brother, but cats ate him”, “Cats eat Fairies”…) have started to diminish in there effectiveness because she’s now prepared to risk the lives of both Big Bird and Fairies so she can have a cat.

That’s not good news for me, or Big Bird.

Somehow she just doesn’t understand that all cats secretly want to hurt and eventually kill people. Maybe it’s my fault for not speaking enough about the dangers and well-known fact that they’re all killing machines (click to view larger):

(Illustration credit to this guy)

So being a man of compromise, and a Dad who not only wants save his daughter from a carnivorous cat so she can live long enough to see her 5th birthday, I did what any other Dad would do.

I bought her an Ant Farm instead (The kind that glows with cool space-age gel! So cool…)


My wife wasn’t impressed because not only can’t you pet Ants, because they have no fur and aren't "cute", but these Ants sting when touched.

To which I replied “...it’s better to get stung than killed by a cat!”

FREE Last Minute Classroom Valentines That Provide a Service

While helping my daughter put together her classroom Valentines for school, I realized how unimportant and irrelevant the cards were: “Happy Valentines day”, “Bee My Valentine”, “It’s Valentines day!” They really don’t mean much and aren’t at all practical.

Why not give classroom Valentines that gives kids real useful advice; life skills that they can use today or when they get older.

I sure would have appreciated some good advice while in preschool.

So with that in mind, here are some useful Valentines Day cards I put together as a public service to all (click to print):

"The goal is to pay your credit card off each month - Happy Valentines Day!"
"Never attend anything that involves a timeshare or "business opportunity." - Happy Valentines Day!"
"Team Jacob or Team Edward? In 5 years it won't matter. - Happy Valentines Day!"
"If Dad does like him, he must be wrong for you.- Happy Valentines Day!"

"Don’t visit Tijuana.- Happy Valentines Day!"
"Love is a battlefield.- Happy Valentines Day!"
"Always wash your hands after using the bathroom or visiting any government building.- Happy Valentines Day!"
"You should never drop it like it's hot.- Happy Valentines Day!"

You Can’t Have a Boyfriend in Preschool

I knew something was strange when I picked up my daughter from school and as she was giggling hysterically. When I smiled and asked what was so funny - thinking I would get an answer like some silly picture she drew or maybe some game she had been playing - I didn’t expect to hear this:

Daughter: “Guess who I’m thinking of?”

Who? Ariel? Mommy? Daddy? …Lionel Richie?

Daughter: “MARCUS” (followed by her giggles and those of 3 friends)

“Marcus?” And they were all looking at the new boy in the corner of the room playing with Thomas trains COMPLETELY unaware of the groupies not far away.

Daughter: “He can BREAKDANCE!”

Friend #1: “Yeah! And we all like him like the way Gabrielle likes Troy!” (group giggles)

Whatchu-talkin’bout?!

Does anybody know of a cave I can live in with my family for about 18 years or so? Preferably one with no TV and no other preschoolers with parents that allowed them to watch High School Musical, iCarly, Hannah Montana, The Hills and maybe Twilight.

I just can't get over how kids this young watch these shows. They're watching things they don't understand and shouldn't be exposed to for at least another 25-30 years.

On the drive home my daughter and I had a long conversation about boys and how they should be considered yucky at her age, and about giving me a heart-attack before I turn 40; About having friends, staying a kid, and about how she isn’t allowed to date until she’s married.
You know, typical conversation material one usually has with a 4-year old.

I think she understood. But to be sure, I made her a coloring page just to reiterate my message:

"You can't date until you're married" coloring page

Once she's colored it, I'm hanging it on her cubby at school just as a reminder.