Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Funny? I Didn’t Know I Was ‘Disabled’ or ‘Handicapped’?


Maybe now DMV will give me one of those placards so I can park in those parking spaces?

There’s this freaky woman, maybe late 30’s early 40’s, at work that is one of our writers. She’s a mother of a 6-year old, and is really weird and very hippie (but not in a good stylish way). Both her parents are grad professors at a local “elite” school, which explains a lot of her kookiness (Her parents: “over-educated”. She's told me stories of how they use to do things like dress her as a boy - or 'gender-neutral clothes'- told her the world was going to run out of food in 1977, and they probably had something against using conditioner in hair). Most of us just kind of pass her off as "a little goofy", no big deal - it’s people like her that make work (and the world) more interesting to talk about.

So yesterday I’m in the kitchen “nuking” my lunch, she came in while I was stirring my grub with a fork, in my left hand-



Crazy Hippie: Oh my gosh, you’re left-handed!

Me: Yup, all my life….

Crazy Hippie: Did you know that’s a HUGE physical and mental deformity…

Me: Whaaa?

Crazy Hippie:….human’s are suppose to be right-handed, the brain is (blah, blah, blah)…. Left-handers have a very documented history of mental anguish and usually die very early because the world isn’t made for them. I made sure my daughter NEVER used her left-hand. How do you deal with this? Are you making sure your daughter doesn’t use her left-hand? You wouldn’t want her to be handicapped her whole life too...!

Me: (blank stare, then smile). So if I destroy you now I can blame it on my left-handedness? (chuckle)




What kind of medieval things is this woman reading? Next thing you know she’ll be giving me leeches if I have a headache.
As for my daughter, we’re still not quite sure if she’s 'lefty' or a 'righty'. She just sort of uses whichever hand is closest to whatever she’s grabbing. She doesn't discriminate. But if she ultimately decides to be a lefty, that’s fine with me.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, she must be related to me! When an aunt of mine noticed that I was a leftie, she made a huge deal out of it. What I most remember she said was: you get s@#t on your hands when you wipe, right?* I was so mad at her. Sorry for the almost swear word. I was just quoting her.

TwoBusy said...

I hear trepanation cures left-handedness. Lets the evil spirits out.

It's worth a try, at the very least.

T. said...

Oh, my God, thanks for the giggle.

I'm a righty, but everybody else in the family is a lefty. Good to know I'm surrounded by handicapped people.

What a nitwit.

Diana said...

I just lost my whole freakin comment.
okay: I'm deformed and handicapped too. Lefty born from Lefties.
My sister went to catholic school when she was younger and they actually used to hit her hand with a ruler if they caught her writing with her left. They said that the left hand was the devil's hand. She is ambidextrous now, but I think she was traumatized.
I get mixed signals from people when they see I'm a lefty from "Oh, you must be smart." to people grunting their disapproval.
My son uses both hands to write on my walls...

chanchow said...

Whoa, you're a lefty. You must be a witch or something.

My dad is a natural lefty, but when he was a kid, relatives in his village outside of Hanoi told him that it was a bad, bad thing and he had to change (evil sprits, superstitions, etc). Consequently, he learned to write with his right hand, but does everything else with his left. The fear still persists to this day in some parts of the motherland-- in fact, to be a lefty can be translated literally to "being inflicted with the left hand."

Anonymous said...

"And not in a good way" - I know EXACTLY what you mean. There are TONS of them here in Chambana.

I liked the parking spots at Babies R' Us that were for pregnant women or those with infants. Invariably, a big strapping man with nothing to carry was parked there.

radioactive girl said...

My son and I both use both hands almost equally. Well, I typically write right handed because that is how most things are oriented, but my son still switches off between hands when one gets tired (something I remember doing when I was little too). I wonder what that woman would think of us? Are we even more handicapped because we can't even choose a hand?

InterstellarLass said...

That could explain what's wrong with my mother. And a few other people I know.

Rob Barron said...

Yes, you should be burned as a heretic for you lefthandedness.

But before they light fire, could you club the hippie? Thanks.

kittenpie said...

I was totally ambidexterous for a long time as a kid too.

And it's funny, I usually hear some equally strange argument about how lefties are superior, but then, that's from lefties, so you know...

Kim said...

Dude - you're so lucky you don't have red hair as well, because you know what a massive gene malfunction that is the result of.

Crankmama said...

Scary... Poor girl needs to be "reeducated"... just kidding. Seriously, though, you should help her loosen up a bit (wink wink)

Rachael

Kristen said...

Oh good grief - you are kidding me! I can't believe she actually believes that crap!! And your daughter is way too young right now to be able to tell yet - I feel bad for her poor daughter, apparently being "forbidden" ever to use her left hand.

Waya said...

Is that what you call it nowaday...overeducated is the new term for being on crack? Her parents must have had waaaay too much weed when she was in utero or something. OMG! My middle child is a lefty so I guess he's "doomed"?!

dennis said...

Well my mom is a lefty, she remembers while at school they tried their damndest to make her a righty.

boy.imp is a lefty and we are proud of his deformity. In fact, we encourage it!

L.A. Daddy said...

Throw a stick at your daughter. If she holds up her right hand, then she's... well, you get the picture. If she doesn't put up any hands, have her eyes checked.

Just kidding.

Really. I was...

Hey, don't blame ME. I'm a lefty who was forced to be righty. I have mental anguish AND I'll be forced to live longer with it...

creative-Type Dad (Tony) said...

Actually, I went to a catholic school for half a school year back in the 80's and the nun tried to get me to use my right hand.
She didn't force me too though. But she did throw a lot of Holy Water at me.

That must explain the burns.

Jonathon said...

Argh! I live in Austin, which has more then it's fair share of "you can cure that with positive energy-flow and gugu root berry mix" people.

They're nice decoration. Makes me feel like I live in an "eccelctic" city.

But still, shit like that gets old.

Kara said...

that's weird. we have somamny lefties in our family they get an emtire side of the table at thanksgiving.

da vinci was a lefty.

Angel Baby said...

I looked it up in Wikipedia: approximately 8-15 percent of the population is left handed.

This hardly makes you rare or uncommon. I don't know the percentage of people with blue eyes, but can't imagine feeling anguish over not seeing enough people out there with blue eyes like mine.

And I thought handedness came from God or genetics. Can you train a kid not to be left handed?? That doesn't seem right to me for some reason.

Anonymous said...

I'm a lefty; most of the time people around here just think that's really cool. I've never met a whackjob like the woman you talked with, though. What a tripper. Actually, people usually don't even notice, because I don't write with my hand all twisted around the page, I just write with my hand in the normal posture.
And as a sidenote, neither of my girls are lefties. Kinda bummed me out.

dadinprogress said...

I wonder what the crazy hippie lady would think of me -- I'm ambidextrous. I started out writing with my left hand, but switched on my own to the right in kindergarten. I'm not consistently wired. I drive with my left hand, kick with my left foot, throw and bat as a rightie. And then I'd really send her with my true impairment: no sense of smell. Never smelled a thing in my life and can't. Funny how when you tell people they run through the list in disbelief. No, not even popcorn. Nope, not even a pine tree.

L.A. Daddy said...

DadinProgress -- Holy hell, I thought I was reading my own post! You can't smell and you're an ambi? Oy. That's creepy. Same boat here, my man. How odd.

(un)relaxeddad said...

Oh Christ. It was bad enough reading about the right-handed scissors and the dominant-hand Nazis at L.A.daddy's blog but I'm really starting to feel fearful for our lefty little dudelet now. Now me, I always wished I was left-handed when I was a kid. Probably because of the additional possibilities it would have added to my activity from infant school onwards as a fully paid-up member of the awkward squad and the extra grievance it would have given me against the unfairness of the universe.

Michelle O'Neil said...

"Very hippie,(but not in a good stylish way)."

So funny!

I'm a lefty and I'm pretty sure I'm mentally stable, but maybe I'm just in denial? You know....a reaction to all the oppression I've suffered as a southpaw?

Ruth Dynamite said...

Hey lefty! You're not handicapped; you're handicapable! (But go get the sticker anyway.)

creative-Type Dad (Tony) said...

"handicapable" - Great!! i'll have to tell the crazy hippie that

junebee said...

Oh, I'm a lefty too.

You have to wonder about some people. Let me guess, this chick has a name like "Freedom" or "Liberty" or something.