Thursday, November 16, 2006

Why Do Some Parents Use Their Kids As Surrogate Spouses?



Do you know anybody who does this? I've heard about this, but have never encountered it (like aliens or the lockness monster). I've just had another interesting conversation with those two suto-empty nester moms at my boxing class - if you remember I wrote awhile back how they told me that all kids will eventually get into drugs and have sex at 11 no matter what I did to prevent it.... So I should just go on a cruise during the teenage years. As you can imagine, I don't think very highly of them or their lack of parenting skills.

So yeah, I'm having a conversation and woman #1 (Sandy, divorced for about 16 years) is talking about her 24 year-old son to me. Not just normal "proud" about my kid talk (can sky dive while reversing global warming) but talking about how he does stuff for her -- talks to her every night, takes her to dinner, movies, massages, trips to New York in the Fall. He's planning on making a "test" Thanksgiving dinner this weekend, etc.

Me: Whoa! That's pretty wild. What does his wife think about you two spending so much time together?
(She must be on crack)

Sandy: He's not married- Thank God! I don't know what I would do. I don't have anybody. My daughter lives far away and never calls, (blah, blah, blah...)
(Hmmm, maybe because he's attached to you and you scare them away...)

Me: Does he have a girlfriend?

Sandy: I hope not!
(O.K., gay and she doesn't know? Or is he going to run off and get married to some hooker in Vegas and send her an email)

Me: He's 24/25, right?

Sandy: Yeah 25, but he doesn't have time.

(I must have given a weird look....smile)

Sandy:Why? There's nothing strange about that...

Me: ....O.K....
(I want to run away. I might catch something just by standing here)

(....silence....)

Me: Did you know O.J. is writing a book....
(Cut the strings woman! No wonder why your two kids have so many problems!)

I'm thoroughly creeped out. I don't know - maybe she should be a little more worried about that "test" Thanksgiving dinner coming up...

23 comments:

dennis said...

ahhh, Tony did you ask what line of work 'little Norman' was in?

MetroDad said...

Nothing weirder than a mutual Oedipal complex. Poor kid.

Betty said...

That's grosser than gross!! I pity the fool who's going to marry him, better do that after his mom is six feet under.

kittenpie said...

Bleah. No wonder he's not married. He doesn't have the time because she's sucking it all up. She needs some friends. Perhaps you?
(snicker)

Rob Barron said...

GAY!!!! (not that there's anything wrong with that...)

CrankMama said...

That boy has ISSUES -- and so does his boxing MOMMY!!

EWWWW!

chanchow said...

Reminds me of Buster from Arrested Development.

Rebecca said...

Weird to the point of sickness. I really hope you didn't catch anything contagious.

junebee said...

Too bad she never got herself a boyfriend or second husband.

Bec of the Ladies Lounge said...

I used to have a line somewhere in my blogger profile about "I believe we should raise our children to want us, not need us" and recently I was thinking I should change it since the Nanny McPhee movie used the same catchphrase...

Now I'm thinking it should read "raise them to neither want nor need us" because - eeyeww!!

onetallmomma said...

If I even become like that woman just shot me in the head.

Thanks for stopping by my place. And the guy in the story claimed to be able to talk to his wild turkeys and visa versa. He would even dig bugs and worms for them. Makes my problems see small in comparison!

T. said...

Too freaking creepy.

Says the girl who just escorted her mother on a vacation...

If she had her way, my brother would have went with her and then all would have been right with her world.
Have I mentioned my mother is probably the same whacked out chicky you were talking too?

Pattie said...

Too busy laughing about the Norman Bates comment....

Pete Aldin said...

Yech. My skin crawls. And yet ... this is worth some self-assessment to see if we do it in other ways - I see parents sharing secrets about their spouse with their eldest child, I have to stop myself enlisting my kids as allies in my "quests to save the world", and I know a Mother with an unengaged distant husband who relies on her eldest daughter to do the parenting of the other kids instead of working things through with the Man. It's all wierd and wrong and we're all corruptible....

L.A. Daddy said...

My mom had a friend who was 20 years older than her. Her friend's son was my mom's age. He never married, lived at home with her, took care of her, and to me he always seemed more like her husband than her son.

When the old woman finally died, he was in his 50's and he actually asked my mom out on a date. My mom was too creeped out by the fact that she had known him for all these years, had never asked her on a date, and then once the mother was gone...

Well, it was just creepy. It happens and it's just plain wrong.

Jonathon said...

Just caught this post today. Wow.

That's really a little creepy.

creative-Type Dad (Tony) said...

L.A. Daddy - did your mother go out with him?

Pete Aldin - that's a whole other issue. that happens a little to often

Mel said...

Poor kid. I hope she hasn't already utterly ruined him for life. And it really doesn't surprise me that her daughter doesn't call or talk to her very often.
People are so weird.

Ruth Dynamite said...

Who's your momma, huh? Huh?

Ew.

Izzy said...

Can you say Oedipal complex? Ewww.

radioactive girl said...

I tried to leave a comment before, but it never showed up. Trying again...I dated a guy like this once. I had no idea until I found out that after he would drop me off at night, he went out to bars with his mom and hung out all night. Every night. Just strange, and I broke up with him shortly after that. I ended up with a restraining order, but that's probably a different story.

Kristen said...

Hmmm. Very strange. I hope for his sake he never does get married. She would make for a horrific MIL. Oh, but he is gay, without a doubt. Who but Martha Stewart does a "practice" Thanksgiving dinner?

AdventureDad said...

LOL, that cruise thing sounds great. so if I get things right, whatever I do as a father doesn't matter? In that case I'm getting drunk tonight, with my son.

Your conversation is hilarious but scary. Maybe that will be me in 20 years? :-))

AD