The Day Santa Died

While waiting in a crowded line to see Santa, my daughter casually turned to me and said, “Hey Daddy, you know that Santa isn’t…”

It was just about then that everything went into slow motion.

The words jumping off my daughter’s lips, the shock on my wife’s face, the other kids within listening distance with the baffled looks; the expression on the other parent’s and grandparent’s faces.

Even the small dog wearing a sweater in a nearby pet stroller had the look of disgust.

As my daughter continued going on about “the 4th graders on the playground”, I quickly picked her up and moved her away from the area – for her own safety of course.
 
When we settled on a far enough place, we had a small conversation about those other children at school and the now low probability of them ever getting and iPad Mini for Christmas with that kind of talk.
At the same time a part of me died a little inside knowing my little girl is growing up way faster than I ever imagined.
Those years spent with excitement over meeting Santa and telling him how ‘extra good’ she’s been are pretty much over at the age of 7! How does this happen? When did 0-6 become the golden years of childhood?

Oh yeah, 4th graders on the playground. They’re to blame.

If I were the sheriff of this town, I’d have those kids locked up and then I’d put the key around the neck of that little dog with the sweater to guard it. 

A Whole Lot of Random Life Bits

Where does the time go? Seems like most of my life these days is recorded more on Instagram (@TonyCTD) or the hundreds of drawings/paintings my kids put up on the refrigerator, which by the way, can get a little overwhelming since something always seems to fall off if you just look at it.

Siblings: They’re Born to Annoy Each Other

A few things have changed now that my son is now 2 and a half. He’s mastered the art of annoying his sister. Two of the biggest problems going on right now:

•    When my daughter doesn’t “share” all of her food or dessert, he’ll cry and say “She HIT me!”
•    A few times she’ll come running to me practically crying saying, “He won’t stop pointing at me!” and then he’ll calmly walk into the room, while pointing at her.

Santa: Just Send Money?

There’s a part in “A Charlie Brown Christmas” where Sally has Charlie write a letter to Santa that I remember vividly. What I didn’t know is that I would experience that conversation nearly first-hand with my daughter’s recent visit with Santa:

Santa: So what do you want for Christmas?
Daughter: An iTunes gift card.
Santa: An iTunes gift card?
Daughter: Yes, for at least $25.

Grandpas: Their Dramatic Love Lives…

This has been a bit of a tough year with my daughter, as she doesn’t have a living grandmother like all of her friends.  My wife’s mother passed nearly 10 years ago and my grandmother, the one that raised me, passed away soon after my wife and I were married 13 years ago. It’s something that’s really been upsetting her the past few months, but we are fortunate with one amazing godmother that she sees multiple times a week and who has gladly been an amazing grandmother-type to both kids.
She does have a grandfather on each side of the family and both are under some weird circumstances where they’re both now living with their “lady-friends.” 

My daughter had asked me the other day, “So when grandma’s die, grandpa’s get lady-friends to live with them?”
I never, in a million years, thought I would have that kind of conversation with my 7-year old.

Dad Moment: Learning to Ride a Bike

There are certain moments with my kids that I know I going to remember forever. One of them happened recently when we finally took the training wheels off my daughter’s bike.
I ran up and down the street behind her, which by the way was exhausting! Obviously, I haven’t done any marathon training in awhile. Anyway, all was worth it as she was balancing on her own.
Then came the realization that my little girl is growing up way too fast.

The Most Random And Questionable Halloween Costumes…

Now that Halloween is getting closer, we finally broke down and took the kids costume shopping.

My son is pretty easy; any superhero character for him is fine. In fact, most of his pajamas are some type of superhero costume complete with capes and all. I can honestly say that the kid has been ready for Halloween for the last 6 months.
We ultimately settled on “The Hulk”, primarily because he likes to punch and destroy things and I think green muscles on a 2-year old is pretty funny.

And as a bonus, it’ll make good pajamas for him until Thanksgiving.

As for my daughter, that task was much more difficult as she doesn’t want to wear anything that even resembles a Princess or what could be portrayed as a ‘baby’ character. What a difference a year or two makes.
And what makes it even more difficult, as I’ve mentioned in the past, girl costumes can be pretty borderline with being too adult.

In our search of constant “No’s” and “I don’t think so's”, I couldn't help but to notice a costume trend going on this year -- extremely strange costumes that had me saying to myself, “Seriously??"

Examples:

Princess Leia Angry Bird

"Girls Oscar the Grouch" - is she suppose to be trash or eaten...?

"70's Lounge" - I'm pretty sure that's a kid pimp costume...

"Peanut Butter & Jelly"

"Plug and Socket"

"Toilet"

"Kid Pageant Dress"

I guess one could accessorize this with a Mountain Dew/Red Bull and be Honey Boo Boo...

Martha Stewart: American Made. Just Like a Texas Truck built in Mexico

America is pretty innovated.

We’ve created such life-changing inventions here like iPhones, Airplanes, Jazz Music, Chicken in a Bucket, Prozac, The Internet, and Lionel Richie. 

It’s all pretty amazing when you think about it. And if you take a Prozac you can really sit back and think about it some more. 

So imagine my excitement when I find out Martha Stewart is encouraging new inventive creators by running a contest honoring those entrepreneurs who are making just plain cool products?

Then I discovered that one of my favorite designers-turned-mom, turned-mom-designer makes it into the top 100 finalists out of thousands of applicants with her super swanky, Eco-friendly mobiles and wall art.

Can you vote for her to win this (please?)
http://americanmade.marthastewart.com/profiles/diana-jess-643
You can vote once per day through Sept 24th.

Her shop of Modern Modular wall art, bunnies, robots, kittens, and robot kitten bunnies…
http://www.etsy.com/shop/daswooddesign?ref=seller_info

 

Maybe one of these days she'll make a Lionel Richie mustache one or a bucket with floating chicken pieces - both perfect for any nursery or home office.

The Problem With Cookie Monster…And Coloring Pages

I’m not sure when it happened, but my son has somehow developed a downright fear of Cookie Monster.

I never really put much thought into it, but for a 2-year old Cookie Monster is pretty scary. He’s extremely violent when eating cookies, has a pretty scary raspy voice, has those crazy cross-eyes, and his name literally has the word “Monster” in it.

Come to think of it, Elmo would be much different if his name were “Elmo MONSTER.” I don’t think kids would like him as much.

Just yesterday my son was misbehaving and I said to him, “Don’t do that or else…Cookie Monster is going to pay you a visit...”

His near immediate reaction was, “I sorry! I be good!!”

Now if I had said, “Don’t do that or else Elmo is going to pay you a visit.” He probably would have punched a hole in the wall, set it on fire, all while smiling the entire time waiting for Elmo to come out and give him a great big hug.

See – not the same.

The more I think about it… Sesame Street could really capitalize on his scariness to teach good with some simple coloring pages:

7 is Practically a Grown Up!

(It's that time of year! My annual letter to my daughter on her birthday...)

Happy 7th Birthday Miss B!

I couldn’t contain my smile as you told me this morning, “7 is practically a grown up!”
It did brighten me up after our conversation last night just before you went to bed when you told me, “Daddy, this is the last night I’ll be 6 years old, forever.”

A few things you did this past year that I’m going to remember:

•    Telling me you now know what you want to be when you grow up: a teacher during the day, a waitress at night, and a veterinarian on the weekends.
•    After your first day of 2nd grade, asking if you could please change your name to “Jennifer.”
•    You waking up and getting your little brother up too. And sometimes making him breakfast and/or starting a parade through the house right at dawn.
•    Riding rollercoasters, specifically your favorite one, Thunder Mountain at Disneyland 4 times in a row.
•    That biggest smile in the world you give when I let you drive the Duffy boat in the bay.
•    Wanting to learn how to play a cigar box guitar made by a guy named “Mr. Bob.”
•    Our negotiations for a dog. The one that you promise that you’ll feed, clean up after, walk, and brush hours a day that I won’t even have to even touch…(rolls eyes)

Your favorite things at this moment:

•    Your iPod Touch and all of the games and music on it.
•    Sleepovers at your best friend’s house.
•    Watching that movie “Xanadu” over and over, and over again.
•    YouTube vides clips of old musicals.
•    Favorite restaurant is still “Souplantation” after all of these years!
•    Playing games on the iPad with your little brother.
•    Making the most unusual but interesting crafts.
•    Playing restaurant waitress at home, in the car, and at real restaurants.
•    Going to the beach, playing in the sand, our family hikes, picnics, and bunk beds.
•    Tweety Bird, Snoopy, Totoro, Hello Kitty, and a collection of stuffed animals and pillow pets. 
•    Taylor Swift, The Band Perry, Lady Antebellum, Adele and some song called “Dynamite” that you play a little too much…

I’m going to miss that 6 year-old forever, but can’t wait to make some memories with this amazing 7 year-old that’s practically a grown up.

Love,
Daddy

Something Special for Mother's Day

Apparently my original plan of flowers, some crafty coloring pages made by the kids, and brunch at the local KFC followed by a trip to see "The Avengers" isn't going to cut it.

My wife has been dropping not-so-subtle hints over the last few weeks talking a lot about my iPad and how she "needs" one. And how much easier it would be to not have to turn on a laptop to search on important topics like "what's Lionel Richie up to on Twitter."
 
She even forwarded me a marketing email from Apple last week saying something like, "Forward this to your husband so he knows you want an iPad for Mother's Day" with a picture of a mother and daughter hugging and laughing.

I personally think they're happy because they just went to see "The Avengers" and had a meal at KFC.

Oh well...

As for the card, I'm going with the classic I made a few years ago--

Happy Mother's Day!

Another Drop in the Bucket List

Do you have a bucket list? I do. And one of the many items on my list was riding a mechanical bull, preferably somewhere in Texas.

My first attempt at this dream was about 9 years ago in San Antonio while the wife and I were visiting some good friends out there. But unfortunately things didn’t quite end up as expected as we both came down with some really bad food poisoning from a Tex-Mex restaurant.
Although, all was not lost as I was able to visit the Alamo and ask a friendly guide where the basement was (another check off that bucket list.) That was also the day I saw a transvestite with a cowboy hat, big blonde wig, and really hairy legs help open the bathroom door for my sick wife (not on the bucket list.)

He/she was really considerate despite the bad choices in western wear.

For my birthday this year, my (amazing) wife surprised me by taking me to a place called “Big Bubba’s Bad BBQ” in Paso Robles, CA. and wouldn’t you know it – they’ve got a mechanical bull! A REAL one, not one of those fake ones found at the 20-something hipster bars out here in West Hollywood or Universal CityWalk.

Some facts I’ve discovered about mechanical bull riding many may not be aware of:

1. Minimum age to ride is 6-years old. Yes, “6”. No, I’m not joking. I asked my daughter if she wanted to try and she replied, “Hells No!” Well, not really. She just cried and ran away.
2. They make you sign a waver saying that if you get sent to the hospital or die, it’s your fault because riding a bull, real or fake, is really dangerous and should NEVER be attempted by humans, ever.
3. You get quite an AB workout. Seriously, after my 8 second ride, my abs felt like they were totally ripped. Until I actually checked them and discovered they weren’t.
4. Mechanical bull riding looks much EASIER on T.V. I think actors do it in slow motion and then they speed up the film.
5. Nobody can hear you scream in space or when you’re riding a mechanical bull. I’m totally convinced of that because they didn’t turn it off when I screamed “STOP” multiple times like a little girl just before I was thrown off onto a padded floor that smelled like beer and BBQ sauce. I actually got up and had BBQ sauce in my mouth.

My wife took a video of the whole incident on her iPhone. She was laughing the entire time until the moment I flew off, then yelled, “Oh my God! Please don’t be dead!!”

Obviously she was aware of the waiver form.

Random Thoughts at the End of March

It’s surprising to me how quickly the year is moving along, especially given all of the things happening around my end of the world these past few months.

My son is nearly two now and my daughter is already planning which summer (day) camp she wants to attend after she finishes 2nd grade. I still can’t believe she’ll be in 3rd grade next year and I don’t understand how she got so tall all of a sudden!

Work has been an unbelievable amount of stress lately; definitely the most I’ve ever encountered my entire life. I now oversee a business segment and manage a group of over 30, and that number may grow given my boss just resigned. I find myself waking up several times regularly during the night thinking about who I have to email or who I forgot to email, or what follow-ups I have the next day or week. I question if I really enjoy my job anymore as a lifetime ago I use to actually design, draw and create “art.” It all seems so foreign now. My only real drawing these days is playing that game “Draw Something” on the iPad. Years of Art School for that?

I wonder if circumstances would have been better if I would have just taken other job over a year ago and moved the family across the country, and if I should consider that again.

I guess that’s the kind of thoughts that enter the mind when a birthday is close at hand and 40 seems closer than ever.


The Second Kid Syndrome
The nanny that’s with our son during the day is Mary Poppins. I’m completely convinced of it. I’m not sure how we got so lucky to have found her but we did and that’s all that matters.

She often hangs out with the wife and I at the end of the day just chatting for a while. Tonight she asked about our daughter and all of the places she’s been and the things she’s done in a mere 6 years.
raveled to Hawaii at 1, Fiji before turning 2, Paris at 3, Caribbean, 5 trips to Disney World, and all sorts of plays and concerts – primarily for kids but she did go to see Tom Jones once. We lied about her age to get her in. She was 4, but had to be 6 (she really wanted to go!) And she's been in a few photo shoots at around 3 and has even been on a T.V. commercial.

My son – he’s been to Disneyland.

But, he's with Ms. Poppins so that evens things out, right?

Why I Said "NO!"

• Because if you eat that you’ll get sick and die.
• Because it’s not safe.
• Because it cost money.
• Because it’s past your bedtime.
• Because it’s too early.
• Because that’s questionable.
• Because your Mother already said “No.”
• Because I already said “No.”
• Because you’ll never play with it.
• Because you’ve had enough.
• Because that’s weird.
• Because it doesn’t match.
• Because that doesn’t belong to us.
• Because you’ll break it, again.
• Because you’ll poke your eye out.
• Because you’ll poke somebody’s eye out.

And when all else fails…

• Because I said so!

A Golden Valentine’s Day

I just read that the average person will spend $126.03 celebrating Valentines this year. That’s a whole lot of chocolate, flowers, and dinners.

In the past, I’ve usually made some type of printable to help bring that cost down to nearly zero. I’ve made Valentine’s Day Coupons, Lionel Richie Coloring pages, classroom Valentine’s, even Valentine’s for the workspace.
This year I came up with the perfect idea for Valentine’s after I found out some amazing history of a writer I work with after getting a LinkedIn invitation – she use to work on one of my favorite sitcoms of all time, “The Golden Girl’s”.

Oddly enough, I worked on one of her favorite shows on all time during my last year of college, “Home Improvement.” But of course her stories are much more interesting. We didn’t have a staff masseuse or Betty White, or Bea Arthur, or Rue McClanahan, or Estelle Getty.

Anyways…what was my point? Oh yeah, my perfect idea was “The Golden Girl’s” Valentines since I’ve always referenced them over the years.

But then I saw these:


This (brilliant) guy already beat me to them! Something that struck me as odd about this guy, he plays the accordion too just like me.

(Insert Twilight zone music and Dorothy’s “Oh c’mon” line)

But… does he play Depeche Mode on it like I do?

The Problem With Toddlers…They Cause Addictions!

The problem with having a kid that’s 1 ½ is that he puts nearly everything in his mouth. And if he can’t put it in his mouth, he’ll lick it like a lollipop and then ask his sister or a random stranger if they want to try it too.
So of course he became sick and then was over it after a day or two, and then I got sick for well over a week.

This virus was much different than the others I’ve had in the past - this one caused major insomnia so between the hours of 1-4AM I discovered a whole new world of distractions…

1. Pinterest. I heard about this from some marketing people at work and thought it was the stupidest idea in the world. Like, seriously stupid. A “virtual pinboard” and pinning, and repining and these marketing girls said they were spending hours on this thing a day. Stupid! And then I signed up using my “Fakebook” account and got a waiting list (how stupid!) And then I got my official invite two days later (really stupid waiting period.) And then I started pinning…That was last Wednesday. I can’t stop. Did I mention they have an iPhone app too?
2. Doogie Houser M.D. on Hulu. I started watching the show’s first season, which I hadn’t seen since High School. Which had me wondering, why did I watch this show in High School?
3. Clibe on iPad. Create and share digital journals. Most of them are interesting sketchbooks.
4. Instagram. I’ve been on this for about a year now, but didn’t realize how many bloggers are on it. I’m at “Tony CTD” if you want to follow me.

OK, now back to Pinterest…

Original Science Fair Project Ideas That Will Change the WORLD

My daughter’s school science fair is coming up soon. In fact, she just told my wife and I tonight that it’s happening next week.

After a robust and at times heated discussion about exactly how long has she known this information, my daughter and wife started listing a bunch of possible project ideas around simple scientific topics such as butterflies, volcano’s, mold, bugs, heat, cold, etc. to which I answered to all of them – boring.

Kids have been using those science fair topics for thousands of years ever since that one episode of “The Brady Bunch” where Bobby made that volcano explode in the backyard.

Oh Bobby.

I think my daughter should choose a topic with real groundbreaking information that will change the course of humankind and the world, forever. Something of real value and not something dull like the stages of an egg or the growing of mushrooms. As long as it ends up in an omelet nobody really cares.

Some innovative ideas of value:

What is the effect of Lionel Richie’s Mustache on Women?
Hypothesis – Scientists and mathematicians have been trying to figure this out for years – is the mustache the secret to Lionel's success and the ladies affection just as it is for Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds? Enquiring minds want to know.

Experiment – Make Lionel shave and then sing “Hello.”

Early Conclusion – I’ve just given this topic a little more thought and think I’ve figured out the answer: The blind woman that sculpted his head in clay INCLUDED the mustache.

Answer: Huge affect

How many licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
Hypothesis – Was Mr. Owl right?

Experiment – Make a run to the nearest 7-11 and test it out.

Conclusion (hindered) – Find somebody that actually likes Tootsie Pops or maybe substitute with something better like Chewy Sprees or Popcorn Chicken from KFC.

Why do you have to be so delicious?

Does a visit to Chuck E. Cheese affect a Child’s probability to become a compulsive gambler later in life?
Hypothesis – Children walk around Chuck’s with coin-filled cups mesmerized by flashing lights, high-pitched sounding machines dropping hundreds of coins into them, losing all sense of time, while given access to all-you-can drink fountain beverages, horrible food and awful musical entertainment. Is Chuck’s really a training ground for slot hogs?

Experiment – Reconnaissance work:

Carpets that smell like cigarettes, vomit, tears, and urine

Entertainment: Chuck’s Band

Celine Dion

Conclusion – Yes

It’s Twenty-Twelve. Weird…

I’m not entirely sure what happened over the last month; it sort of just whipped by.
A rundown of what’s been going on:

1. Sadly, I still have Christmas gifts that I still have to mail. As a matter of fact, I’m looking at them now.
2. We bought a house "last year" and it's been a blessing and a curse renovating it as it was built in 1954 and hasn't been touched since. I got a new sewer main replacing the old ceramic one for Christmas!
   
3. My 1 ½ year old got a new Thomas the Train set and a few other random small toys - guess what his favorite toy is? The cardboard center to the paper towels. He yells into it like a bullhorn.
4. On New Year’s Eve I fell asleep at 9:30. I was hoping to watch that ridiculous but highly entertaining movie, “2012” but that didn’t happen.
5. We didn’t go crazy with gifts for our daughter this year, just a few small stocking stuffer's and some American Doll clothes and a playset she really wanted. Her favorite “toy” of choice: the small Snoopy notepad that she uses to take restaurant orders or to write police tickets to her baby brother – like this one:

Translated it says, “You get a ticket for closing the door on a police officer.” My son also likes to slam doors on people after he yells at them with his bullhorn.

Obviously, as of January 1st, that’s now illegal in California.