Friday, August 04, 2006

Everyday Phrases I Now Use, That I Never Would Have Used, Before Becoming A Parent:

Is she constipated?

I think I see Poop, or liquid, coming out of her skirt/pants/shorts

Smell her butt. I smelled it and I think it has crap in it.

Look in her nose; I think it's stuck way up in there.

Are you sure it should be that color?

Take a look; it has mustard seeds in it?

I don't remember feeding her this.

Guess where I found this shiny penny!

Was that a fart or a burp?

Stop calling that strange man "Dada".

How did that defy gravity?

What's she chewing on?

Put your finger in there and pull it out.

Is that a rash?

On a scale of 1 to 10, this one is a 30.

Check her butt.

I have Poo on my hands again.

Are you sure a thermometer goes there?

I forgot to put Butt Paste on this time.

“Cute”, “Adorable”, “Sweet”


MrsFortune said...

Yeah, parenting sure does expand the old vocabulary. "Where did that yellow stuff come from?" Etc. But you're right, she is damn cute. Those eyes alone ...

Pickle's Papa said...

The additions to this list could be endless, but I will only point out my new precursor to any romantic activity with the wife - "Is she asleep?"

nothing could be sexier.

Diana said...

look at those EYES! Oh man, get the bat ready for those fellas that will be after her...
"Stop calling that strange man Dada." You don't know how many times that has come out of my mouth...more than I'd like to admit, really!

junebee said...

I know, you never thought you talked about poop so much until you're the parent of an infant or toddler.

Tomorrow we'll have red poop since they had spaghetti for dinner.

Mel said...

Who was talking about a bat? It reminds me of something a security guard at the Burger King told us one time when my oldest was an infant:
"I had a shotgun at the front door. I had a baseball bat at the back door. DIDN'T WORK - she shinnied out the window."
I have been a jittering nervous wreck ever since.

dennis said...

What a cuteee!

Just wait, you will get to add potty into several of those quotes!


radioactive girl said...

What a cute baby!

I can totally relate to those things I never htought I woudl say. I also told someone my baby was up in the middle of the night. When asked what time, I said 11:30. That never used to be "the midle of the night"! That used to be time to go out!

Ryan said...

Who would've ever thought that we would have to sniff diapers and check butts...

MetroDad said...

I'm totally with you, man. Recently, I could not believe I heard myself say, "Please do NOT try and stick your finger up the dog's butt!!!"

Angel Baby said...

So true, so true.