Monday, August 28, 2006

I Admit It, I Know Nothing About Baseball


I know this comes as a shock to people but I really don’t (or ‘did’ until last night). And while I’m at it Football and Basketball included. No, I’m not from a farming village in Romania who has just discovered T.V., I have a really good excuse from this – I’m an artist and I’m from L.A.

Over the weekend we were invited to a minor league baseball (The "Quakes" - like in earthquake) game way out in Rancho Cucamonga (really, really far east of L.A. out in the Inland Empire –the “empire” with no castle). The family that lives out there has really gotten into this minor league baseball thing since they’ve been opening them on the far outskirts of L.A., places like Lancaster, Lake Ellsinore, Bakersfield, etc. The stadiums are pretty nice and remind me of those old Disney cartoon’s “Casey at the Bat” type-stadiums. Lots of families, very cheap ticket prices, parking, food and extremely clean. I liked the experience.

The last baseball game I actually attended was about 10 years ago. It was free through work (during the workday event), I showed up, got my free food, hat, said “hi” to the boss and his wife, then got up, and left (to see a movie). It took about 15 minutes.
The time before that, well, I was around 8 or 10 years old. My uncles took my brother and I to a few Dodger games, but I never paid attention, the freaks that practically live at Dodger stadium were much more interesting. And we liked running around the halls with our cousins, not sitting in cramped seats with smelly people.

So last night, I actually “watched” and I got weird stares from people around me (like I was cousin Balki from “Perfect Strangers”) when I was asking my wife (near whisper) questions like “Why are there 2 guys on first base?” “What’s an RBI?” (Rats Been Injected?), “When is this inning over and why is it taking so freakin’ long!” “Are the guys allowed to throw the bat like that?” My wife knows this stuff; she grew up in Ohio and went to college in Georgia (it’s ‘core’ learning in places like that). Out here, well, we did have to play some of them in P.E. but being the creative genius that I am, I was pretty good at forging notes, at a very young age, about having “selective” Asthma. Selective meaning that on days we played Baseball, Football, Basketball - my chronic Asthma would kick in. There’s nothing quite like sitting on the outskirts with the sick kids. They were my “peeps” for the hour and I learned a lot about D&D, Zork, Comic Books, and Star Trek talking to them. Though I never shared their enthusiasm for any of them, but I can carry a pretty good conversation about them like a Mo-Fo.

Now I can add Baseball to the list. O.K. maybe not yet.

14 comments:

Waya said...

That was so funny!! My hubbie often tells me that he used to play all kind of sports in school, but I told him that he was really the "bench warmer"! I don't think he liked that too much!

He's Mr. Sci-Fi but he did teach me the rules of football though. And believe it or not, I picked Trent (our 2nd child) while watching football. Trent Green, that is, in case you didn't know.

Diana said...

I would never bring you to a game...you would break my concentration with all your questions...
lol.
the way you are with sports is how I am with cars...and my poor poor husband still tries to teach me...

dennis said...

You know blogger just spoiled this comment. I tried 4-5 times to post a witty comment that tied Saint, asylum and male orgasm together but screw it, I am forced to go with the back-up:

Have you tried Euchre? Ask your wife about Euchre and see if her hands twitch!

sweatpantsmom said...

I'll have to email this post to my husband, a fellow AFLA (Artist from L.A.) and reluctant sports watcher.

Which makes for a hard existence with my three sports obsessed brothers, who would think nothing of taking a portable TV to a wedding so that they wouldn't miss the last quarter of a basketball playoff. (Hasn't happened. Okay, it has.)

We'll be watching the US Open. But don't tell anybody.

radioactive girl said...

My son sounds very much like you were. He does have asthma, but I think it tends to act up a lot during PE while they are doing sports he hates. His teacher hasn't caught on yet, but I have!

Pickle's Papa said...

I know someone who is a hundred times less sports knowledgeable than you - and he has no excuses. He is a blue collar Clevelander, and it makes no sense.

It makes hanging out really wierd sometimes, because as a guy - most of my guy to guy (non-work) conversations are about sports.

I am an artist too, but being in Cleveland - it is impossible to not be surrounded by sports culture.

dennis said...

But look on the bright side (Tony and P's papa) there are a lot of guys out there that don't know jack about art!

junebee said...

Funny, I just put this on another blog! (Finding Blanche)...baseball is the most boring sport in the world!

Did your wife go to UGA?

MetroDad said...

You remind me of my best friend, The Doctor. Even though he's a lifelong New Yorker, he'd never been to a Knicks game before. Last year, his wife took him to one. Imagine his surprise when he walked in and realized he wasn't at a football game.

creative-Type Dad (Tony) said...

waya- you're right, I didn't know. People always assume I know too!! Which is another topic for another day.

radioactive g- that's funny!! Your son is one smart kid.

pickle's p- dude, I wouldn't know what to do if I were in your situation. It's really easy out here "not" be into sports.

junebee- yes, she did go to UGA. When they're not having football games they sometimes learn stuff (like a real college). Only sometimes.

metrodad- so they're baseball, right? I'll have to google it...

Crankmama said...

I'm going to use "selective asthma" next time there are toilets to be cleaned...

Diana said...

tony- are you kidding me? Knicks=baseball?????
NOOOO! They are basketball!!! Oh, man please tell me you were joking. Please. i beg you.

creative-Type Dad (Tony) said...

Yes! I was kidding. I'm not crazy :)

Rebecca said...

Ah well, I actually was forced to learn quite a bit about baseball because my son played (and loved it) all throughout school. But football is another story entirely.
I don't quite see the point of it, and I refuse to learn. Needless to say, I am not the overall HIT at Superbowl parties, cuz...I just don't care...haha.