Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Wanted: Professional Potty Consultant


Help! Does it exist? If not, somebody please invent this job? I want to just hire somebody to come into my house for a day or two and get my daughter to use the "le' toilet". Is that too much to ask? I would pay good money for service like that and I'm sure there are millions of other parents like me too who want to flip the bird to Huggies/Pampers world headquarters in Butte, Montana (Actually, I don't know where they really are, but Butte, Montana would seem fitting).
My daughter has this "thing" with kicking, screaming, and turning around while changing her diaper. Poop smears; I get it on my hands, the Banana Republic shirt (just wrong!)...the other day one hard poop marble jumped (escaped the diaper), then rolled away across the floor...It's crazy and I just want it to end. Now.
There has to be a 12-month old potty-trained kid somewhere in this world.

9 comments:

mrsmogul said...

What is she reading? POOPIE MAGAZINE? Oh cant' wait for the poop to turn brown and get it all over my clothes...

Mama G said...

If you can potty train your kid at 12 months, you'll deserve some kind of big fat award. A bronze poop, perpahs??

A girlfriend told me about a program to follow to potty train your child in three days. She said she knew of 6 other families that tried it and it worked. Guess what? It worked for us, too. The program has you buy big-girl underwear and immediately throw away all diapers, pull ups included and never, ever use them again. Then, give your daughter as much liquid as you can constantly. She'll have accidents, and each time she starts, pick her up and carry her to the potty. If any of it gets in the potty, celebrate and celebrate big. Dance. Sing. Call grandma. Hell, call Elmo if you need to. You get the point. Within three days time, it will click and she'll start telling you when she needs to go potty. Of course, you'll need to find three days where you can stay close to her all day long and it's certainly easiest if you don't have to leave the house.

My husband tried it this past weekend and it worked!!

dennis said...

My advice is to hire a 12-year-old neighbor girl to babysit for you (it helps if said girl constantly pesters you to allow her to babysit and has baby fetish). Said babysitter will potty train, change diapers, bathe pretty much do everything that (after the first time has come and gone) you would rather not do from here on out...

radioactive girl said...

My oldest daughter potty trained herself at 17 months. I felt far superior to all my friends who were complaining about how hard it was to potty train their kids. Then I had my twins who decided not to potty train until almost 3! I think my son who is currently two will be going to Kindergarten in diapers/pullups since he has zero interest in learning. Not even zero interest, he screams like someone is trying to kill him when we even try to talk to him about how some day he will use the toilet like everyone else in our house. Peer pressure may eventually help us I guess, but he has a huge stubborn streak, (like me) so I'm not sure even that will help us. Good luck!

Rick Andreoli said...

Tell us when you need Huggies Pull Ups with Disney Princesses on them. I happen to know the dude who did the art. He can autograph all of your child's diapers.

junebee said...

I'm with Mama G. do NOT use those pull-ups. The kids still pee in them because the pull-ups feel like diapers.

I have never heard of anyone having good results with those pull-ups. They are just a ruse to keep parents dependent on the diaper industry.

Waya said...

You're trying to potty train a 1 year old? Dude! You're even crazier than I thought! My 5 y/o didn't want anything to do w/potty training until he turned 4. My 3 y/o, just recently. So, I'm not even going to try any potty training on my 17 month old until she hits her 3rd year.

Pickle's Papa said...

The poop on banana republic may just be karma working itself out, and dont worry about it - my wife is still trying to potty train me . . .

creative-Type Dad (Tony) said...

Thanks everybody for the advice- especially Mama G -- We'll be trying that method out.