Wednesday, August 30, 2006
“No Please, Tell Me About Your Operation and Family Medical History”
I’m not sure if this only happens to me or other people. Or maybe I project some aura unknown to me that tells people that I really want to hear about their medical problems. This has happened on more than a few occasions and it’s starting to bother me because I’m the last person in this world who needs to hear these stories. Have you read my posts about my extreme fear of needles or passing out getting a flu shot or avoiding the dentist and her “instruments of death”?
Last night in my boxing class, this other fellow “norm” finally showed up to class after a few months on hiatus. I said hello as usual, and small chitchat about the weather, the fireman’s wife and her daughter’s new boobs implants and how they've grown some more (normal gym conversation) and then she goes on to tell me in great detail about her bladder and how the doctors performed surgery and how she can’t eat ice cream after 10pm.
BladderWoman: My bladder is sagging, ya’ know because there’s these two muscles that hold it up….. Imagine two big nasty veins...
Me: Uh….huh? You don’t say…hey, look, that chick that screams when that Brittany Spears bad remix song is playing just walked in….
BladderWoman: …And they had to perform the entire surgery through my vagina, so they didn’t have to cut my side open…
Me: That’s, uhhh….pretty nasty. That musta’ hurt. I hope the doctor bought you a drink first (nervous chuckle)
(nasty descriptions…me channeling out)
BladderWoman:…and then they stuff pig fat up in there and then the tissue grows around it and then the bladder is against…(blah, blah, blah…)
Me: What? Pig fat…like from a pig?
Me: So when you eat bacon, does that make you a cannibal?
(she slowly walked away)