Friday, January 20, 2012

Original Science Fair Project Ideas That Will Change the WORLD

My daughter’s school science fair is coming up soon. In fact, she just told my wife and I tonight that it’s happening next week.

After a robust and at times heated discussion about exactly how long has she known this information, my daughter and wife started listing a bunch of possible project ideas around simple scientific topics such as butterflies, volcano’s, mold, bugs, heat, cold, etc. to which I answered to all of them – boring.

Kids have been using those science fair topics for thousands of years ever since that one episode of “The Brady Bunch” where Bobby made that volcano explode in the backyard.

Oh Bobby.

I think my daughter should choose a topic with real groundbreaking information that will change the course of humankind and the world, forever. Something of real value and not something dull like the stages of an egg or the growing of mushrooms. As long as it ends up in an omelet nobody really cares.

Some innovative ideas of value:

What is the effect of Lionel Richie’s Mustache on Women?
Hypothesis – Scientists and mathematicians have been trying to figure this out for years – is the mustache the secret to Lionel's success and the ladies affection just as it is for Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds? Enquiring minds want to know.

Experiment – Make Lionel shave and then sing “Hello.”

Early Conclusion – I’ve just given this topic a little more thought and think I’ve figured out the answer: The blind woman that sculpted his head in clay INCLUDED the mustache.
Answer: Huge affect

How many licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
Hypothesis – Was Mr. Owl right?

Experiment – Make a run to the nearest 7-11 and test it out.

Conclusion (hindered) – Find somebody that actually likes Tootsie Pops or maybe substitute with something better like Chewy Sprees or Popcorn Chicken from KFC.
Why do you have to be so delicious?

Does a visit to Chuck E. Cheese affect a Child’s probability to become a compulsive gambler later in life?

Hypothesis – Children walk around Chuck’s with coin-filled cups mesmerized by flashing lights, high-pitched sounding machines dropping hundreds of coins into them, losing all sense of time, while given access to all-you-can drink fountain beverages, horrible food and awful musical entertainment. Is Chuck’s really a training ground for slot hogs?

Experiment – Reconnaissance work:

Carpets that smell like cigarettes, vomit, tears, and urine

Entertainment: Chuck’s Band

Celine Dion

Conclusion – Yes

Thursday, January 05, 2012

It’s Twenty-Twelve. Weird…

I’m not entirely sure what happened over the last month; it sort of just whipped by.
A rundown of what’s been going on:

  1. Sadly, I still have Christmas gifts that I still have to mail. As a matter of fact, I’m looking at them now.
  2. We bought a house "last year" and it's been a blessing and a curse renovating it as it was built in 1954 and hasn't been touched since. I got a new sewer main replacing the old ceramic one for Christmas!
  3. My 1 ½ year old got a new Thomas the Train set and a few other random small toys - guess what his favorite toy is? The cardboard center to the paper towels. He yells into it like a bullhorn.
  4. On New Year’s Eve I fell asleep at 9:30. I was hoping to watch that ridiculous but highly entertaining movie, “2012” but that didn’t happen.
  5. We didn’t go crazy with gifts for our daughter this year, just a few small stocking stuffer's and some American Doll clothes and a playset she really wanted. Her favorite “toy” of choice: the small Snoopy notepad that she uses to take restaurant orders or to write police tickets to her baby brother – like this one:

Translated it says, “You get a ticket for closing the door on a police officer.” My son also likes to slam doors on people after he yells at them with his bullhorn.

Obviously, as of January 1st, that’s now illegal in California.