Suggestions for the Olympics

First of all, I'm no big fan of the Olympics. Well, the only exception is women's Figure Skating (Have you seen those skimpy outfits these days? My theory - probably the only way they can get a straight guy to watch). Oh, and for the possibility of Tanya Harding making a comeback, running onto the ice, with a crowbar (WWF-style). Other than that, they're pretty boring to me with a bunch of made-up sports (I mean, can you honestly call Curling a sport?). If they were really authentic Greek sports, they would be hunting Tigers and running naked through lava fields. I have some advice for the modern Olympic committee on some sports I would like to see to make it more interesting, closer to “The Hearts of the People”. First being Dodgeball. A fun sport kids of all ages enjoy and have the players wear crazy costumes, with like capes and blacklight clothing (so when the lights turn off and they play in the dark!) and maybe some live disco in the background. Second suggestion, Breakdancing. Have you seen those present-day Asian kids breakdance (They not only built robots, but impersonate them too!)? Can't you just visualize them in some final-death showdown with a German breakdance team (with their fancy electro-techno beat box-Hasselhoff remixes)? I sure can! With these suggestions in place, the Olympics would truly be something kids (and strange adults in their 30's) everywhere will dream about.

Olympics

The Ancient Olympics: Ancient Olympic Events

The Tonya Harding Website

L.A. Times: Curling?

Breakdancing

Movie Review: "Zathura"

First of all, I'm not one of those prude-parent freaks who only let their kids watch PBS shows on ferrets and volcanos or the flipside "700 Club". With that said, overall I liked the movie and stuff like the indirect references to Pasadena (the Craftsman house, the Art Center "trans" Dad), and the trendy 6-year old with the Ugly Doll shirt. What really bothered me is this movie was PG, like Disney movies. Problem is, no PG Disney movie I know of has a kid saying stuff like "He's such a D*ck!" to his brother or kids saying "Be'-otch" (although I use the word quite often but only with adults, and not any kids, around). My daughter is only 7-months and can't speak (only mumbled French), but no way I'm showing her this for some time. Yeah, I know she'll hear it on the street or somewhere else, but not in a PG kids movie. Seriously, why not just warn parents and rate it PG-13? Has the bar been lowered and nobody sent me the memo?

Zathura

A plumber costs how much?!

Some days I wish I were more like my Dad. He could fix anything, be it replacing a broken tile to patching a hole in the roof when a meteor fell from the sky. Anything. Today the washer machine was draining and the house made weird gurgling sounds, walls shook, and then water freakishly started coming up in the kitchen sink and toilet downstairs. I thought CHUD was coming back out of the sewers. So I called a plumber and he charged me $324 to send a Ninja-style camera down the main sewer to tell me there’s some concrete blocking the main sewage line (likely left over from the home builder’s contractors nearly 5 years ago; too bad it didn’t happen within the first year when we had our freakin’ warranty!!) and it would probably cost $3k to rip up the driveway, clear it, and patch it up. Or he could put a $15 cap on it to prevent any spillage inside the house. After I paid him and he had gone, my head turned into a donkey (just like a cartoon) and I galloped down the street.

IMDB: CHUD

The Plumber

Circumcision decisions and courts

There's a big story today about a father suing his ex-wife to prevent his son's circumcision. My thoughts here aren't necessarily on “for” or “not”, that's entire up to the father to decide in my book. Having the mother decide is like having a father making decisions on his daughter's period to me. Men don't experience it, and all information we get is second-hand experience or what we read. Same goes for this, sorry mothers (hippie grandma's, feminists, crazy nurses) if Dad says Yea or Nae, it should be up to him. The reality here is he's the one with the penis no matter what a friend thinks, Oprah's guest said, or how many studies you've read.

Chicago Tribune: Dad sues to prevent son's circumcision

Pricey private vs. public schools...

L.A. Times ran a story Friday about the first private school here in Los Angeles to hit $25,000 a year. Which had me thinking again about public vs. private schools around these parts, and my daughter’s college bound future. My wife and I have had conversations about this for some time now, way before our daughter was born. We intentionally bought a house in the suburbs away from where we used to live (hipster Pasadena) primarily for the horrible public schools there (exception being early elementary grades in some token posh neighborhoods). Sure, we could send our child to one and make a "statement" about our belief in public schools and the re-emergence of the neighborhood, but as bad as it sounds, I didn't want to use my kid as test case to prove something. We've had friends who sent their kids through the system only, it seems, to graduate pregnant, looking like gangsters, doing crack, arrested, deported, whatever...and as for education, maybe attending two classes at a local valley junior college for a semester (most junior college’s around here teach only what they didn’t or couldn’t teach in public high schools anyway) There are, of course, exceptions to anything like freaky or pushy parents, the kid, disco, etc.
For us plan now is a hybrid. We have some good local suburban elementary schools but come jr. high, I'm biting the bullet, selling some organs on the black market, and my daughter is going to private school. I mean really, who needs "2" kidneys anyway...

L.A. Times: Tuition Hits $25,000 at Elite Schools

Girl Scouts cookies...everywhere!

First of all - didn't they just sell these a few months ago? Or maybe I'm still in that "time warp" my wife is always telling me about when she asks why I still have a pair of whitewash jeans in the closet (FYI-for painting or yard work that I'll never get around to). All around the J.O.B you can't walk without somebody asking you to buy cookies for their daughter. Which I don't mind, but aren't the kids suppose to sell these things themselves? Isn't that the point, to teach them how to sell used cars later, 'earn' a badge, free cookware, or something like that? I mean when you're asked by an adult it's pretty easy to say "La-La-La, I can't hear you, gotta run to a meeting!". But when a kid asks with puppy eyes and dreams of winning a camping trip to Alaska, I can't say no. I'm learning from all this so when my daughter (if she decides to join) sells cookies. I'm putting up a HUGE picture with her and a puppy that says, "Please buy cookies - my dog needs surgery and he's my only friend in this entire world". That's sure to get her some free cookware and some badge not even invented yet.

Girl Scouts Cookies

Recipes for Leftover Girl Scout Cookies

Guest Speaking at Schools

So I was invited to speak at a nearby private school about being an artist for a big company (that I won't mention, but all artists here are thought to make animals talk), a common request. I really enjoy these, but to date, this was the largest crowd I've ever spoken too - over 100 kids in a large auditorium, 3rd through 8th grade. After my spiel, I like to take questions. I just love questions from the younger set; where else can you ask something as simple as "Any questions about Artists?" and they all raise their hand like winning some pie eating contest. Not afraid of being heard or embarrassed about asking something silly (but highly entertaining) like "My sister, she likes to play with the neighbor's dog, he's smells like chicken.... oh yeah, do you know if that girl on *insert TV show* likes ice cream?". I actually know a few adults like that here at work. They're weird, but they're the ones who usually have candy at their desk. And that makes them OK in my book.

Toastmasters

Tips for School Guest Speakers

AARP: Leave me alone!

Something has been happening to me ever since my daughter was born 7-months ago. No its not coupons for free Huggies (I like those, thank you Easter Bunny) AARP keeps sending me invitations to join them. It’s not like I TiVo reruns of Murder She Wrote or Golden Girls, in my 60’s, and they somehow “tracked” me down. In fact a far cry, early 30’s, watch barely any TV, and most of the time I curse AARP’s name in vain when I read something about them in the news. Mind you, I’ll likely change my mind about them when I’m in my 60’s and need free government cheese, Viagra, or spending cash for Las Vegas (taxed to my daughter’s generation of course). But thats still some time away. For now, why can’t they just let me be!?

AARP

Star Wars Valentines

Yes, today is the day some greeting card company created but you just can't use that as an excuse not to do anything. Forgot the flowers, dinner plans, chocolate, jewelry, and balloon ride over Napa? Just send over a card that says, "I would rather kiss a Wookie than lose you". That'll score you at least a pillow while you sleep in the garage tonight.

Yoda Loves Me

Something Awful: A Very Star Wars Valentines

Vacation travels with an infant

My wife and I sure enjoy our vacations. That's the main reason why were sticklers with cash during the year (no Starbucks, eating out, DVD purchases, heat, cars with 4 wheels, etc) its the only thing we "splurge" on. We've been pretty adventurous and lucky in the past visiting places around the world like New Zealand, Tahiti, Japan, and Ohio (where, rumor has it, cannibal Amish reside). So when it came time to plan this year's vacation some family members were telling me it isn't safe to take a baby out of the country to a place like Fiji. For fear, I guess, of getting kidnapped by gypsies, TV show LOST, Iraqi insurgents infiltrating the island, or whatever craziness the 6 o'clock news scares them about. So we decided not to go, mainly because at 7-months she won't remember it much (We'll wait until she's 3). We're going to Kauai instead; we've never been to Hawaii. Cookie Magazine had a recommendation on a family friendly, non-commercial kind of place to stay called Waimea-Plantation that was dittoed by friends who have visited. So we're booked, ready to go in a few weeks. I hear McDonald's there has burgers made of Spam. That's funny, I thought they all did.

Waimea-Plantation

Kauai