Wednesday, November 21, 2007

I’m Thankful I’m Not In Ohio

Yes, it’s almost Thanksgiving and for me there’s a lot to be thankful for: my wife, daughter, family, friends, health, job, iPhone. But the thing I’m most thankful for is not having to spend Thankgiving with the in-laws, in Ohio, this year because the wife has MBA finals coming up.

Thank you Jesus! (Oprah, Ron L, Mel B, or whatever you believe in…)

“What’s wrong with Ohio? That’s where Wendy’s was created!!” you might ask?

Well friend, let me school you: I’m not a sports guy. Never have been, unless you count watching Baywatch or Golden Girls a sport. Unfortunately my in-laws don’t since my first introduction to them way back in ’98 when I was told to join “the men” in the TV room:

Future In-Law #1: (quick glance at me, then eyes on TV) Who’s your team?

Me: My ‘team’? (pause) That would definitely have to be the “A” Team… (big smile, ‘thumbs up’)

(TV mysteriously silenced, all eyes on me like I’m Richard Simmons holding a raw hotdog and gripping a sparkler from my butt cheeks)

(TV resumes life, all eyes on TV)

Future In-Law #2: You a “Buck”, ”Eyes” fan?

Me: Buck-eyes? What’s that?

(*gasps* even from the young children in the room -- Really, really uncomfortable LONG silence….)

Future In-Law #1 to #2: (loud whisper to the dude next to him) What’s wrong with this guy?

Every year the men watch football for around 182 hours straight. They don’t even break for the bathroom (I think they pee in their beer cans and then throw them out the window…) and the women are banished to the kitchen or the local Wal-Mart.
So I usually hang out with the kids playing video games, drawing, or having them ask their parents for money and then teaching them how to play poker.
I guess the downside is that I won’t have any extra spending cash this year.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving! And remember Canadians have one too (who knew??)


Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

You know? I, too, am thankful that I won't be in Ohio for Thanksgiving. I'm also thankful that I won't be in prison.

Wait, this comment just went wrong in so many ways. Nevermind...

painted maypole said...

ha ha ha

i feel the same way about sports, but fortunately, as a girl, no one expects me to like them

and thanksgiving in Canada was a few weeks ago.

kittenpie said...

Ours was in October, but thanks for the nice thought... ahem.

And gosh, I am soooo sorry it's like that. Thankfully, my family doesn't do sports, either. But guess what? This weekend is Misterpie's family's annual Grey Cup party - that's like the Superbowl for the Canadian Football League. yeah. Every year. It's the weekend of my birthday, which always gets 2nd billing way below this big blowout. Gah. Football. I hate it.

Sharon L. Holland said...

We live in Ohio, and we do not watch professional sports. My husband was raised to think it's a scam.

Next time you are in Ohio, you're welcome at our house.

Lisa said...

Happy Thanksgiving Tony! Enjoy your sportsless day. I know I will with the little man gone.

Amber said...

You watch Golden Girls?! Can you finish this line:

Miami you're cuter than an_________.

If you can, I will begin have a major secret blog crush on you. Good Luck!

LBA said...

My google search for "gripping a sparkler from my butt cheeks" has left me deeply disappointed.

( wot, no pics ? )

Whit said...

I like sports, but I don't understand spending the day in front of the TV rather than with the family.

You should get them all stadium buddies for Xmas.

Creative-Type Dad said...

Scarlett Wanna Be -- intrauterine.
It's so nice, I'll say it thrice.

Whit -- I'm afraid to ask what these buddies are. OK, so I just googled it...dude, that's nasty.

h&b -- Something might catch fire.

Veronica Mitchell -- I wasn't raised to think that, I just kind of figured it out on my own.
I'm hanging out at your house next time out.

kittenpie -- Canada has football too? I learn something new about Canada everyday...!

Anonymous said...

God, is it nice to hear about a guy who isn't into sports.

slow panic said...

locked up in a small condo with both mother and mother-in-law I'm very envious you will not be with family that doesn't get you.

to bad about the cash

The Real Mother Hen said...

LOL, we don't watch "a group of guys running aimlessly in the field" on TV too, and thank god for that :)
Happy Thanksgiving, and remember to put up the Christmas tree tomorrow!

Maureen said...

Yeah, OUR Thanksgiving was First. Neener, Neener...


And yes, we have football... Go Bombers Go!!!!!

The City Gal said...

Thanks for thinking of us, the Canucks!

Our thanksgiving is around October10-11. But you know, we celebrate it with you guys again.
You can never have too many thanksgivings!

We also have football! It is called Grey Cup and all the boys are going crazy over it this weekend.

I only watch Hockey and Soccer. Mostly women's Hockey and Soccer. (better looking players!)

Anonymous said...

I'm grinning at this post, because my in-laws came UP to Ohio to be with us (it's our first year here) and are torturing me with their need to watch sports. And cheer for "Their Team" from four states away. Give me a break. (And that's why I'm upstairs with the laptop while they are clustered around the TV down below.)

amy turn sharp said...

Ohio is cool.
I live here.
I was glad I didn't have to go to West Virginia though ")

Leslie said...

Oh man, do I EVER hear you on this one. My inlaws all glue themselves to the games while I am dying from boredom. If I try to chat, the TV gets turned up even LOUDER!

11111111 said...

I am also not a sports guy, but then, realizing that I would have no relationship with any of the other males in my family--in-laws as well as my own, I acquiesced and began my study of all things sporty.

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Dad Stuff said...

Sorry. I'm one of those who turn the game on. Which is sad considering my teams are from Minnesota.
Happy Turkey Day.

Creative-Type Dad said...

Leslie -- If I chat, they'll shoot me.
I'm not kidding. They arm the children.

fizzledink -- That's a good idea. Maybe I should bring my laptop next year...
But then again, poker is easy money.

Rhea -- Not just me, but 99.987 of my guy friends out here. One of them is a 'closet sports guy' and he's ashamed to bring it up (as it should be)

Anonymous said...

Errr... Ohio good. Funny little man not funny. Don't like sports. Ergh. Silly californian. Football very good.

Pass the beer.

Pageant Mom said...

Hey!! My husband is from Ohio...

Are you related??


Kerrie said...

You freakin' crack me up!!!!