We've got ourselves a "Little Parrot"

So the mini has been trying to talk for some time now, but last night my wife said something with the word "Up" and the mini immediately repeated it back, clearly. And she kept repeating it over, and over, and over again until she fell asleep.
Over the weekend, she was pointing at another kid around her age and would clearly say "Baby", and then she would point to some random woman and say the same thing.
It's pretty weird when this little thing starts talking, I never really put much thought into it, but somehow before becoming a Dad, I thought they just started talking maybe saying stuff like saying "Dad, go fetch your own beer, dammit". Well, no not really (and I wouldn't ask such a thing), but as a guy you don't go around pondering the learning/developmental habits of infants until you become a Dad.
It's really tempting to teach her words like "freak" and "hippie" right now. I wouldn't mind her pointing at people and saying stuff like that, because people would just laugh and think it was cute. If I said that, I'd probably get dirty looks or worse, punched.

This Dad "Just says No" to Minivans and Station Wagons

Its not that I’m against other people buying the things, I just wouldn’t buy one. Even though I’ve had countless owners who’ve tried to “convince” me of their practical-ness, storage space, remote control doors, child silencers (I made that one up), etc. I still think they’re horrid excuses for transportation. They’re downright ugly and horribly designed, yes, even the Honda and Toyota ones. I had to drive my in-laws minvan once and it was a scary experience. My response is why not just get an SUV or one of those miniature SUV’s. In fact, I think the reason SUV’s were so popular for years was because of people like me who hated the alternatives of minivans or station wagons…well, at least until gas prices went up.

My perspective has changed “a little”... My wife and I have an aging SUV that’s over 8 years old and like recent pictures of Jerry Lewis, is starting to show really bad signs of aging. We hardly drive the thing anymore since we bought our “family-friendly” MINI Cooper (that’s a little joke). And also, every time I take the thing farther than 20 miles from the house, I get visions of calling AAA to pick me up.
So of course I have been thinking about this and its future replacement. Seriously, what guy doesn’t like looking around for cars? My first choice is a Porsche Cayenne, but the wife thinks there’s something not “family-like” zipping around in a Porsche (Uh…you should see the looks we get now carting a baby around in a MINI). And the gas thing is an issue (we’re in California -$3.30/gallon is considered a bargain).

Recently I stumbled upon BMW’s version of a wagon; well “sports sedan”, as they call it and not really a wagon (I’m wagon prejudice). It could also be the fact that it’s a BMW that really makes the car intriguing. No "Brady Bunch" factor there.

Shorts/Pants with Words

Can anybody tell me why -- shorts and sweatpants with words that say stuff like “Juicy” or now with school team names “Wildcats” across the butt? These were once made for the older crowd but have somehow made their way down to the young kids.
Honestly, you’re just making it O.K. for guys to take a good look at and check out your butt. Speaking as a guy here - if you’re older (like J-Lo) and want guys to check out your caboose, sure go for it. If you’re a parent, don’t buy your kids this stuff. Somehow I’m noticing it’s the hoochie-looking moms (you know, the ones who live vicariously through their daughters) who let their daughters wear this stuff.

National Accordion Awareness Month & Me

How could I have forgotten! Actually, I never knew they had a “month” until I heard a story on NPR’s Day to Day. I have this strange l love-hate thing with accordions, you see, when I was a kid (around 9-10) I wanted to take Piano lessons just like all the other kids at school and around the neighborhood. Call it peer-pressure or “the piano-renaissance of ‘84”, or Van Halen’s synthesizer riff “jump” I’m not sure which. But I really wanted to take lessons - bad. I did what any other kid does in these situations, begged my parents and grandma.
I’m not sure how it happened but one Saturday morning (during cartoons!) my Dad took my brother and I to some nearby industrial park. We walked into a non-descript building and inside were small kids with huge boxes –accordions – and an old guy who looked EXACTLY like Geppetto (from Disney’s Pinocchio, white mustache, glasses and all). I remember thinking What the..? Well, not really more like “I don’t get it? This ain’t no piano, pops?!”. Thus, began my accordion career. O.K. so no career, but living a secret life of taking lessons and practicing accordion while hiding it from other kids. My brother and I were ashamed of our (used) accordions (I yelled at it on occasion “I HATE you stupid accordion!! You smell like great-grandma!!”) and we never spoke of “the accordion” during school or anytime else. It was like a dirty secret for around 2 years. My only joy came sometime in ’85 when I started playing Depeche Mode songs on the smelly box. This proved to give me some enjoyment playing songs from “Some Great Reward” and later “Catching Up” albums.
And quite honestly, you’ve never really heard “See You” unless it’s being played on an accordion. But being 11-12 years old, you just can’t walk around outside or into the schoolyard and play it for your friends (I had a reputation to live up to and I didn’t want to get beat-up).
Fast forward to college, well, Art School (Calarts)- I was sitting in the dorm hall, probably eating Cheetos or something like that, and some music student walked in jamming on something. I immediately had flashbacks and my heart pounded hoping no one would notice me and “out” my accordion skills (I don’t know? Maybe accordion players had some “look”?), but to my surprise people got up and were like “Dude, You Rock!!” to the guy. My view of the accordion changed; I got up some courage and was like “Hey Hippie Dude, Let me try the shiny box out”. I did, and played “Just Can’t Get Enough” a little bad at first…but good enough to get chicks screaming in excitement, throwing their underwear at me! No, not really, but people were thrilled and really surprised.

I’m no longer ashamed of the accordion, so if there’s ever a need for a “Depeche Mode playing accordion player” I’ll be ready. I can even start the set with “New Life”.

Kindergarten Graduation?

So we went to yet another kids birthday party over the weekend (they seem like every weekend now) and some parents were talking about their 5-6 year olds upcoming “cap and gown” graduation ceremonies. I’m might be going out on a ledge here, but why? What’s so significant about graduating kindergarten? All they have to do is “show-up” for a few hours a day, color, sing songs, play “duck, duck, goose”, learn the alphabet, etc. So? When I was that age all I got was a certificate that said, “(blank) is ready for 1st grade” In fact, I think we had to write in our own names. And I think there was a picture of Big Bird on it too. That thing hung on the fridge until it “mysteriously disappeared” like all fridge art usually did.

If somebody invites us to a kindergarten graduation party, I’m boycotting. We already have too many other kid birthday parties going on.

Children's Nuclear/Biological/ Chemical Protection

You know how toddlers play Fireman, Batman, Pirate, Princess, or some these days Paris Hilton? Well, you can now add 'homeland security operator' or 'biological aid worker' to the list. A place out in the UK is selling this kid-sized gas hood (with blower airflow unit) for around $600 US dollars. Kids can even make the experience even more fun (and be the envy of the other neighborhood children) by completing the set with some night vision and Counter-surveillance equipment. Modern day kids have all the cool toys.

Childs Gas Hood @ Spycatcher

So your kid is gifted? O.K. whatever.

I’m always hearing from other parents how their kid is somehow gifted or way ahead everybody else’s, like “my kid could change his own diaper at 6-months” or “my kid walked when the cord was cut…then paid the hospital bill”. Yeah, these are exaggerations, but if you’re new to the parenting thing you’ve probably heard this in some form or another. I know I have since day 2. It may just be normal competitiveness, mutated X-Men genes, or some people actually really push their kids to become Doogie Houser M.D. by kindergarten.
I came across this pretty entertaining article from Parent Center on school age giftedness. I say entertaining because its criteria are 5-years old who can “perform mathematical calculations in her head”, or “Thinks abstractly… advanced mathematical and linguistic concepts and can talk about such complex issues as ethics, morality, and religion”. Honestly, I just view kids like this as freaks and feel pretty sorry for them because more than likely they have parents who are depriving them of childhood.
I’ve been teaching an art class once a week for nearly 3-years now and I came across a kid like this once and he had trouble talking/relating to kids his own age. Even ones a few years older and wouldn’t you know it - he had parents that really encouraged this. In my humble opinion, I was surprised the kid could even operate a door handle.

Disney Channel Shows on the Internet

So sometime today Disney Channel will start playing a few of their full-length TV shows on the internet for free (well, with commercials). Personally, I think this idea is pretty cool. I really wish they would show some of their Playhouse Disney shows online for those times I’m on the computer with my daughter - I usually end up on the Boobah website (she loves it, but it gives me a headache) or popping in the Baby Einstein DVD crack as a last resort and minimize the screen.

I knew it! Batwoman is a lesbian

Well, no, I actually didn’t until today when DC comics revealed her “secret”. But apparently she had a relationship with lesbian former police detective Renee Montoya. I wonder if Batman knew this? I bet Robin did and has already bought a t-shirt from Don't Panic.
Next thing you know, she'll be moving to West Hollywood, drive a Saab, play a mean game of Pool, make some pretty good cocktails, and maybe one day settle down with a partner and get artificially inseminated. Batbaby shall be its name...
The return of Batwoman - as a lesbian socialite

Prince Albert of Monaco has a daughter in SoCal

So the guy had a fling with a waitress from Riverside in 1991 and makes another love child. If I'm not mistaking, I think they've made a Disney movie about this already called 'The Princess Diaries'...? I can't wait until Julie Andrews tries to clean her up. Because those Riverside kids need all the help they can get.

SoCal Teen's Dad a Prince of a Fella'