Birthdays That Last A Week, Bikes For 2 Year-Olds, Gymboree Party, and Contributing To Harry Potter’s College Fund

One of the benefits of my daughter being an only child (for now) is that her birthday has turned into a week long celebration. Every morning it's the same greeting "It's MY birthday!" To strangers she announces, "My Birthday!". I still don't think she really knows what that means.
On her actual birthday my wife made birthday cupcakes, had a small party with her weekday friends, and our sitter. And later we took her to one of those places with nothing but bounce-houses. We also gave her a gift - a bike. She’s been asking for one for about a month now because the bigger kids around the neighborhood have them.

Skip The Tricycle And Go For the Well-Design Bike!
The wife and I have had some disagreements about the type of bike we were going to buy her -- she wanted to get her one of those normal tricycles with like Princesses or Dora on it. I on the other hand wanted to get a balance bike, LikeABike, that trains toddlers how to ride a real bike (skip the tricycle phase.) And because of the minimalist design I wanted customize this bike myself with stickers I create. Oh, and did I mention the bike looks cool too?
I did end up buying the LikeABike knock-off at Target (only $50 compared with $270 for the “original” Sorry, LikeABike - the difference is $220… that’s a big deal.)
While putting the bike together, my daughter was jumping all over the place like an excited monkey. That’s until I put it on the ground and put her on it only to find out she’s about 2 inches too short to hold it up (I guess that’ll go in the closet for a few more months…)

A Birthday Party At Gymboree (Without Elvis)
This time last year, I sold my kidney for cash on the black market, recruited 8 extremely creative friends and together we put on a huge 1 year-old party for my daughter that made the ones from Cookie Magazine look like a get-together BBQ with leftovers (I’m never doing that again…) This year, we invited about 90 less people and did a simple, low-key party at Gymboree (Play & Music). It was great! 14 kids under 5 and their parents had a ball playing on the equipment, making music, dancing, singing, face-painting (boys called them “tattoos”), and running around under the parachute – perfect for kids this age.
The only drawback was the entire event was only 2 hours long so we didn’t have time to open presents (we had a no-gift party last year) other than that, success!

Harry Potter Rocked The Casbah
Ever since the job started summer hours on Fridays (out by 1), I feel like a normal person again. The wife and I actually get to see movies once more since our daughter was born. This week it was Harry Potter – which by the way, was great. I know the movie leaves out a lot of the book, but if they made that movie this thing would have been 8 hours long. For what it is, they did an excellent job, especially the effects at the end and professor Umbridge’s office (plates on the walls – nice touch!) The only weird part is seeing how big the kids have grown. Ron is looking more like a 50 year-old alcoholic while the others look like normal teenagers.

Crazy People Searches, My Favorite L.A. Restaurants, Daddy And Daughter Days Part IV, And Slay-A-Thon

Crazy People Searches
I haven’t done this in awhile. This is what some people come here looking for:

pictures of midgets in overalls (I haven’t see any, but maybe I want too)
a bee peeing (now I’m curious, do they pee?)
18 month old doesn't like dad (Two words buddy: “Ice Cream”)
how long would it take to drive to uranus at 65mph (insert my jr. high laugh)
how to influence a dad to get a dog (when you promise to pick up its poop)
spanking in romance novels (don’t they all have spanking by "the governor" or somebody like that?)
kfc sleepwear (I want some that say, "I like my chicken... spicy")
i am looking for a midget woman (in overalls?)
dentist and alcohol jokes (What kind of awards to dentists get? A little plaque. If your dentist tells you that one, run.)

My Favorite L.A. Restaurants
Pixie tagged me for this meme - In case anybody wanted to know my favorite places to eat around these parts (excluding “the colonels” - because that's a no-brainer)

Tokyo Delves Sushi Bar (North Hollywood) - Also known as "Disco Sushi" by the natives. Really, really fun place where everybody gets to dance on the chairs while listening to disco and 80’s. Try making a phone call in the phone booth.

Palms Thai (Hollywood) - You could probably get better Thai food anywhere, like across the parking lot, but why? This place has "Thai Elvis" perform nearly every night. They even have Thai Celine Dion and Andy Gibb.

Magic Castle (Hollywood/Highland) – If Harry Potter were real, he would be performing here on Saturday nights. Really cool (and cheesy) private Magician’s Club. This is about the only place left in Hollywood that requires men to wear suits and ladies to wear cocktail dresses (or suits with a curly mustache.)

Weekday Gymboree Moms Who Give Dads The “Stink” Eye
I took a day off to spend with my daughter after the 4th, I like to do these days off once in awhile since my little girl is growing up like a weed. I thought is would be fun to take her to a Gymboree class - she normally goes on Saturday’s with the weekend crowd – which is MUCH different from the weekday crowd. I was the only Dad there among a crowd of moms who dressed their kids as if they were going to a fashion show. Next time I take her, I’m dressing as Gymbo the clown and putting a monkey costume on my daughter.
I did overhear some moms talking about another mom who had a boob job. That was cool; they looked natural.
The day was fun; we drew, colored, made play-doh pancakes, watched about 20 minutes of Cinderella/Finding Nemo, and chalked the driveway. Then she asked if she could drive the car.
I told her O.K., only if she uses the potty.

What? Some Crazy Man To Watch Buffy The Vampire Slayer For 12 Hours To Raise Money For The Make-A-Wish Foundation
I absolutely love this foundation. The wife and I over the years have worked with the organization and this is something truly original that’s worth mentioning. A friend of a friend, David Roberts, does a marathon to raise money for them. Last year he raised 20k and was able to grant 3 wishes.
If you want to help his cause, you can do so here (be sure to put David Roberts name in there.) If you want to read more about the Make-A-Wish foundation check it out here.
Good luck David! If you ever do a Golden Girls one, I’m totally flying to Chicago.

Planning My Daughters’ ‘Numero 2’ Birthday Party - Scaled Down (Without The Elvis Impersonator)

My daughter will be 2 soon (when did she get so old!?)

I can’t even believe its been nearly a year since her 1st, 10o guests birthday extravaganza (read about it here .) This time last year I was trying to decide whether the impersonator should dress as Blue Hawaii Elvis or Las Vegas Jumpsuit Elvis. I chose 'jumpsuit' because at the time my daughter started getting into that shiny things that sing stage. It didn’t matter though, she was still afraid of Elvis (maybe it was that violent shakin' ..)

People have been asking me “Hey! Crazy-insane “new dad” – what are you planning for #2? Tom Jones and live monkeys with water guns?” To them I answer, “That’s a good idea. I’ve always liked monkeys, especially armed ones” But in reality, I’m never doing that again.
When you hear about parents who've gone too far with their kids' party, well guess what? I was one of them (and the wife just sat back and watched me.) It was fun and memorable, but in reality my daughter didn’t know what was happening. It didn’t need to be that big.
The next big party I throw for her will be her wedding - in maybe 24.2 years to somebody I approve of and who isn’t a football/basketball/table tennis player, Elvis impersonator, drug/car dealer, multi-level marketing anything, aspiring race car driver, or actor (the list keep growing....daily.)

This year we’re planning a small 2-hour stint at our Gymboree with about 4 or 5 of her (non-cranky) friends she sees on a regular basis (asks for them by name all the time) and their parents, and maybe (still not entirely sure) a few family members with little ones under 5. The family can get a little weird if they know another family member was invited to something and not them (I can just hear it now “Why wasn’t I invited?!? and then my response "Save the DRAMA for yo' MAMA!" *grrrr*...then run away.)

I know the "big 2" birthday plans aren’t very glamorous and some family and friends will be disappointed about not getting invited. But I have to remember that these parties aren’t about me, the wife, and our friends. They’re about a little girl who gets nervous with too many adults around staring at her to perform when all she wants to do is run around and play with other kids.

But when it’s MY birthday, when then – start the disco music, send in the monkeys and let that chest hair breathe...!

A Bunch Of Randomness: KFC, Celebrities, Loans, And Birthday’s For Plush

Who Switched My KFC With Folger’s Crystals?
These people did - that's who! I read today that the colonel has jumped on the health kick bandwagon replacing trans-fat in it's chicken. What am I going to do now when I need a fix of something really bad? (but taste sooo good…!)
For crying out loud- it's fried chicken in a bucket! I'm not expecting Flax seed and dietary Fiber.
I just hope it still taste the same or I’m switching to Popeye’s for my fix. Because as of now, Popeye's doesn't care about my DHD, BVD's, LCD's or whatever it's called.

Cajun Man Wants My Parking Spot
While loading my daughter and her “stuff” in the stroller at the L.A. Times Festival of Books parking lot - a huge Lincoln Town Car stopped right beside us, waited for a bit (breathed heavily), and a Cajun man/Jr. High kid-voice asked if we were leaving.
“Uhhh, no Adam Sandler, can’t you see we just got here?” And not to be a snob, but who still buys/drives Lincoln Town Cars anyway -- isn't there an age limit of 75 to even own one? (Joey Lawrence almost hit a friend at the Beverly Center’s parking garage - he drove a Lexus; Fabio almost hit another friend near Santa Monica and La Brea – he drove a Mercedes. And those guys aren’t working, Adam is…)
Maybe I should be thankful he only wanted my parking spot and didn’t want to run me over.

You Say You've Got Connections? Well, We're On “The Guest List” For Gymbo’s Birthday
Our Gymboree invited us to “Gymbo the clowns’” birthday party over the weekend. We (or “I”) went largely for the fancy pizza provided and Cold Stone ice cream cake that was being served.
My daughter really liked the whole thing, especially the part where we sang Happy Birthday to the Gymbo plush doll (who mysteriously blew out the candle on his own -- who says clowns “aren’t” evil? Not me!)
If anybody is having a birthday party for their stuffed animal, cat, or Pokemon I’m sure my daughter will love it. Just be sure to provide Cold Stone ice cream cake and we’re there.

I Thought I Would Be 90 Years Old When This Happened
I just sent my last check and now my student loans are paid off! After years of crazy budgeting, selling both kidneys and soul, fencing cars, my gansta rap CD going gold, etc. (sigh of relief.)
I would say “I’m going to Disneyland” but that place is crowded this time of year.

Things The Kid Is Doing Now
When she’s making me bloop (her word for “Soup”) and Edamame’ (she correctly calls it Edamame’) in her toy kitchen and I start eating without her permission, she’ll yell, “Daddy, don’t touch it!!!” – very clearly (she's the Bloop Nazi.)
The other day she ran up to me, really excited, shouting “Daddy! Daddy!” and then when I asked what was up, she burped so loud that the dog barked. She then chuckled and ran away yelling “Mommy! Mommy!”

I wiped a small tear off my cheek and said in my low, impersonated Barry White deep voice, "that's ma' girl" (but low enough so that the wife couldn't hear me...)

Toddler Rules, Gymboree, And The Oscars - All Collide Into A Fiery Ball Of Chaos!

I finally paid a visit with the wife to our daughter’s Gymboree class for the first time (I regularly teach on Saturday mornings and miss it.) I’ve been coaching the daughter to say random things like “Hi Baby!” when she sees another baby; when the wife was on the other side of the play room, my daughter said it to a crawling mom’s butt – the mom turned around, stared at me disgusted, with a look that said “why I never…!” then got up and walked away.
I can just imagine the Gymboree gossip circle now; I’m probably “that dad” now.
I did see something amusing on the wall that went something like this (paraphrasing):

Toddler Rules:
*If I once held it, it’s MINE
*If you’re holding it and it looks like it’s mine, it’s MINE
*If it makes noise, it’s MINE
*If I put it down, it’s still MINE
*Everything is MINE
We're in the beginning of the "mine" stage, which is this other realm of mystery.

Did anybody watch the Oscars last night? I thought it dragged on for about an hour and a half too long. I did like the shadow dance people, which was weird and funny... in a David Lynch kind of way (minus the midgets on tricycles, although I would have liked the addition.)
The best part was the Jack Black, Will Ferrell song and dance number (that Ricky Bobby movie was totally overlooked…!)
What I hate most about the Oscars is how some winners are completely predictable, while others I practically wanted to throw a rock at the T.V. out of shock (what’s with “Happy Feet” getting best animated over "Cars"!?)
I did like the Jennifer Hudson Speech. Yes. I know she was an American Idol and whatnot, but she was the most appreciative and authentic of the crowd. I did think Ellen should have made more of an effort to wear something more “dressy” (minus the dress-part.) red velvet should only stay on Prince and pimps. Other than that she was all right. I still think David Hasselhoff would have done a better job.

My daughter was running around most of the time playing before going to bed. Every time she saw a woman in a fancy dress she yelled “Prince-ESS!” When everybody clapped, she clapped and yelled “YEA!” When somebody we didn’t like won or they showed some cheesy celeb (DiCaprio, Marky Mark, etc.) she would put her finger on her nose and say “STINK-EEE!!!”.