I’ve Got Mad Scientists In The House

Review of the Spangler Science Club 

I’m always on the lookout for things to get my kids curiosity and imaginations brewing. Whether it’s on trips, stuff, games, music, whatever - just anything to get them trying new things.
And it helps if I’m interested too!

I was recently made aware of a hands-on science experiment kit by Steve Spangler (of Ellen and YouTube) that’s sent out monthly with different themes using kitchen science. Basically science-fair type projects geared for kids from kindergarten through 6th grade.  The theme of the kit we got was “Slime Time” which is reminiscent of Nickelodeon’s Slime from the 90’s and came with all of the parts and pieces for about 6 experiments – all addictive to the base experiment. It took us about 25-30 minutes to get through the step-by-step instructions and at the end of the booklet the kids are awarded with a fun collegiate-style certificate.
Overall, the box was pretty fun and easy enough for my 10 year-old to get through by herself. Younger kids like my 5 year-old definitely need the help especially keeping them interested with the science questions in the booklet.

The monthly boxes are $30 each, or $25 if you pay for a year up front. If you use the code “CLUB16” before 12/31/2016 you’ll save $5 off your first box.

And if you really want something cool for the kids to watch on YouTube – check out SpanglerScienceTV

Want to get them interested in science right away? Show them this one for some splashy ideas for a birthday party or maybe even a wedding.
Quite entertaining – even for adults!

Now I’m off to buy some liquid nitrogen.

*Disclosure Spangler Science Club sent me a complimentary review box

Review: Disney/Pixar’s "The Good Dinosaur" Is Really Not That "Good" At All...

What do you get when you combine photo-real beautiful environments with an out-of-place silly-looking bright green cartoony bulgy-eyed Dinosaur (maybe done to differentiate from Jurassic Park dinosaurs to sell toys?); use familiar story themes from the "The Lion King", "Lilo & Stitch", DreamWork's "How To Train Your Dragon”, and then fill it with basically filler scenes?

The Good Dinosaur! 

The movie isn't bad, it's just barely O.K. It's hard to believe this came out of Pixar especially after their last movie "Inside Out." Sadly, this one ranks somewhere above Pixar's Cars 2 and Brave. The films primary characters, Arlo and Spot, are so generic that they could have come from any animated film from any other studio. I really did expect more from the people that made great movies like, "The Incredibles", "Toy Story", "Finding Nemo", "Ratatouille", and "Up"? Maybe they were all working on the next film "Finding Dory"?  Or maybe Pixar is losing its touch? I sure hope not. 

Overall, a mediocre story with good visual scenes that show off how computers can really make water look like water and leaves blowing in the wind look completely believable. Too bad they made the goofy looking dinosaurs that looks completely out of place. Seriously? What Director or Art Director thought that was a good idea?

My recommendation: wait for the rental or go see the charming "Peanuts" instead. This move isn’t worth spending money on at a theater. Unless you really want to get away from family this weekend or have nowhere else to go, or both. 

Hoping next year’s "Finding Dory" makes up for "The Good Dinosaur." 

Preschool Graduation: just like watching an episode of the Muppet Show except with lots of crying!

And it wasn’t the parents doing the crying. 

My son graduated preschool yesterday, which is a little bittersweet, because it still amazes me how fast the time just flew by with the second child. Sometimes I just stare at him and think, “whoa little man - when did you get so tall? And how did you beat that FRAMED game on your iPad all by yourself? I can’t even do that. ”

I must admit preschool graduations have to be one of the most entertaining events on planet earth. I nearly forgot as the last one I’ve been to was around 5 years ago when my daughter graduated.

Kids walking out, all confused, waving at parents, making weird faces, pretending to poop/fart in the air. Then there’s always that one that refuses to walk out standing with her arms crossed looking angry like somebody just told said she couldn’t have any candy ever again, or a unicorn, while the teacher is bent over trying to negotiate just like arms treaty with communist Russia.

Hopefully, quiet and calm gets the job done.

While all of the kids were singing the infamous, “kindergarten here we come” song one girl stood at the end crying for her mom to take her home ‘now.' The kid next to her turned his entire body and stood quietly to just *stare* at her while the other kids were singing in the same key William Hung but with the energy and stamina of Beyonce’. 

For a moment I thought a giant hook was going to appear off the side of the stage and pull her away. 

When it was all over my son got a little upset about never going to school there ever again. Hard to believe this was the same kid which 2 hours earlier didn’t want to go to preschool because he would rather play baseball in the backyard instead. 

He took pictures with his friends and on the way out, ran away from us to hug his teacher, Miss Julie. He told her that he would "miss her forever" in a dramatic tone that sounded like she was about to die - she was even taken back a bit. 

Then he ran back to us and calmly asked if we could get stop and ice cream on the way home. 

Where Imaginary Friends Go To Die

Sad news at breakfast earlier - my 4YO told the family that his imaginary friend of nearly 3 years had died the previous night while riding a tiger in Tijuana.

After telling us the gloomy news, he went about finishing his Frosted Mini Wheat’s while watching Woody Woodpecker on Netflix with his sister. Obviously, to say the least, the rest of us were more shocked by the news than he was.

I can genuinely say I’ll miss the 1’ 6” little guy.

Sneaky Gumball loved living life on the edge of mischief and danger since his appearance in 2012 when our son was about 2 1/2. I still remember the day he came into our home instantly appearing when our son was standing near spilled juice on the family room rug. When we had asked, “did you spill this?” he replied with, “I didn’t do it, Sneaky Gumball did it.”

Sneaky Gumball did all sorts of bad things. He stole French fries, lost Lego’s, threw balls indoors, broke toys, farted in closed cars while driving through the car wash and elevators; he even managed to steal our son’s pull-up at night, pee in it, and put it right back on him. Sneaky that Gumball was. 

In addition, Sneaky Gumball's parents had made lots of questionable life decisions as they let him do dangerous things our son was never allowed to do. For example: when our son wanted to light matches for a bonfire and we refused, he would instantly respond with, “well, Sneaky Gumball’s parents let him play with matches…all the time.”

The conversation never ends well when your parenting choices are compared to that of some other “cool parents.”

Well obviously riding tigers in places lacking authority was not an entirely shocking ending. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Sneaky Gumball’s parents bought him that tiger for his 5th birthday and left him alone at his parents Tijuana timeshare.

When Your Kids Asks, “Have you ever heard of a vinyl record?”

My daughter asked me recently, “have you ever heard of a vinyl record?”

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

She went on to tell me how the neighbor’s 19YO had one and played them on this funny thing called a "record player.” 

I nearly died laughing inside just listening to her explain it to me.

She went on, “oh my gosh…in the old days, it was a lot of trouble to hear just ONE song. There was no Pandora. Can you believe that!?"

Then I went downstairs and hidden in our cabinet showed her my record player and around 200 records in boxes bought in the 80s and a good chunk bought in goodwill and antique shops while I was in college in the early 90’s because people were just giving them away. Most of then still had the price tags of $.25 to a steep $1.50! I’ve always had a thing for records as it always reminded me of my grandmother listening to records (mostly Tom Jones) on Saturday mornings while eating breakfast. 

Now nearly every Saturday morning she loves getting up early and playing records on this novel record player and telling her friends about her dad has this huge collection that she’ll get one day. 

Now I’m feeling like some hipster; of course before hipsters were cool. So does that make me a pre-hipster? 

First World Kid Problems

With all of the things happening around the world and even nearby, it amazes me at some of the things I’ve been hearing all this week:

• 4YO ran out of space on his iPad.
• 9YO dropped and cracked her iPhone screen (again.)
• No new movies on the iPad to watch while on a Road Trip. "Road Trip" meaning 20 minutes in the car. 
• Pad Apps (while on "Road Trip”) that require an internet connection.
• Nobody answers the landline home phone or checks the messages. “Wait...who was going to visit (last) Christmas?"
• Kids think using a MacBook Pro is archaic, but love vinyl records and think rotary phones are really cool - "let’s get one!"
• The DVR cut off Teen Titans Go - “why aren’t these on Netflix streaming?!"
• 2 kids streaming Netflix at the same time on different devices, watching the same show. Estimated time: 3 hours to download work PowerPoint. 
• 9YO’s friends also follow me on Instagram and I posted her doctor’s note: 

Apps, Social, and Cell Phone Contracts for Kids

My wife and I recently let our 9YO acquire a (hand-me-down) phone after hearing so much about how her other friends have “had them forever!” to which I used the standard parental handbook page 93 answer of, “well if all of your friends had hungry pet tigers, should we get you one too?”

Her getting one didn’t happen overnight and it didn’t come without hurdles. After a few discussions, making her write out a list on why she’s responsible enough to own one and presenting it, then I agreed.

It does still seem strange to me that kids have cell phones (or “mobiles” as they call them in Europe) so young as I got my first cell phone at 27!

When I was her age I wasn’t even allowed to have a Walkman! And kids that had their own phone (land-line) well, they were pretty much living the high-life.

We made arrangements to make her pay for the phone (discounted) out of her allowance and pay a portion of the monthly fee from her allowance as well. For being 9, I’m quite proud of her budgeting skills – she makes me proud at that for sure!

Then I wrote out a contract with her listing out things like expectations, her responsibility, payments, behavior, Apps, social things like texting, Instagram, and general phone etiquette. While writing it out I realized that having the phone is actually a pretty good teaching mechanism.

When I spoke to other friends with kids around her age, I was a bit taken back at how they thought the idea of having their kid sign a contract was strange. After some chatting then they realized that maybe they should have one as well.  

Here it is for anybody to use or modify to fit their own needs:

Monopoly: Destroying Family’s Since 1933

My 9YO daughter asked me a few days ago, “Have you ever played Monopoly?”

“Uh, yeah…of course I have! Like, millions and millions of times.”

When I grew up we didn’t have the Internet. After the sun went down my family only had a few options for entertainment: 7 channels of TV with virtually nothing to watch (we didn’t have cable as that was for the “rich".) Read. Draw. Or played games with the family such as cards, usually poker, Uno, Parcheesi, Life, Battleship, and Monopoly.

Then I realized how crazy it was to be 9 and to have never played Monopoly. What kind of parent am I? Teaching her how to #hashtag, code, draw, tear apart and modify toys when every kid should have played Monopoly at least once by now. It’s almost like growing up without candy, birthday parties, or any (delicious) gluten. I immediately pulled out my iPhone and ordered it off Amazon.

Amazon Prime is so awesome and dangerous. Every time I use it I feel like that Coyote in those old Roadrunner cartoons ordering from ACME. I really wish Amazon Prime would deliver in wood crates; that would be awesome…

When we got our package we began to play almost immediately. Then my childhood memories came back to me in a quick flash. I realized that Monopoly could be played 1 of 2 ways:

1. You let the kid win. 

2. You play as you would any other human.

Nearly 2 hours into the game, I had hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, owned about half the board, and was trying to teach her how to negotiate with me before her mother was going to go bankrupt with everything she had earned in the last 2 hours. And just then, her big eyes welled up, she got up and said softly, “you’re a bad daddy” and walked away.

After I collected the rent she owed me from her stack of money, my wife nearly wrote out a divorce contract on a nearby used paper towel (which happened to be mine as well…)

As I lay in bed that night, thinking, I realized that my family ways might have been a bit too harsh. We had to play until the end no matter how rough life (on the board) was or how many hours had gone by. You couldn’t walk away. You weren’t allowed to give up. You played and learned how to negotiate into eventually winning (and destroying the other players) and when you finally won - it felt great - because you knew how long it took to get there. It meant something real. My family doesn’t fight about politics or religion; no, they fight over who won in the last game of Monopoly!

Game can’t all be like Candyland where the point is just to make it to the end without crying.  There aren’t even dice in that game, only colored cards and the only conflict is staying out of the molasses  “Oh look, I got stuck in molasses swamp… I’ve learned a valuable life lesson.” That doesn’t mean anything. Nobody learns anything from that other than just stay away from something called molasses that nobody ever uses anymore!

  

Now Monopoly on the other hand - Monopoly is life.

Word to your mother (and her paper towel.)

Random Thoughts at the End of March

It’s surprising to me how quickly the year is moving along, especially given all of the things happening around my end of the world these past few months.

My son is nearly two now and my daughter is already planning which summer (day) camp she wants to attend after she finishes 2nd grade. I still can’t believe she’ll be in 3rd grade next year and I don’t understand how she got so tall all of a sudden!

Work has been an unbelievable amount of stress lately; definitely the most I’ve ever encountered my entire life. I now oversee a business segment and manage a group of over 30, and that number may grow given my boss just resigned. I find myself waking up several times regularly during the night thinking about who I have to email or who I forgot to email, or what follow-ups I have the next day or week. I question if I really enjoy my job anymore as a lifetime ago I use to actually design, draw and create “art.” It all seems so foreign now. My only real drawing these days is playing that game “Draw Something” on the iPad. Years of Art School for that?

I wonder if circumstances would have been better if I would have just taken other job over a year ago and moved the family across the country, and if I should consider that again.

I guess that’s the kind of thoughts that enter the mind when a birthday is close at hand and 40 seems closer than ever.


The Second Kid Syndrome
The nanny that’s with our son during the day is Mary Poppins. I’m completely convinced of it. I’m not sure how we got so lucky to have found her but we did and that’s all that matters.

She often hangs out with the wife and I at the end of the day just chatting for a while. Tonight she asked about our daughter and all of the places she’s been and the things she’s done in a mere 6 years.
raveled to Hawaii at 1, Fiji before turning 2, Paris at 3, Caribbean, 5 trips to Disney World, and all sorts of plays and concerts – primarily for kids but she did go to see Tom Jones once. We lied about her age to get her in. She was 4, but had to be 6 (she really wanted to go!) And she's been in a few photo shoots at around 3 and has even been on a T.V. commercial.

My son – he’s been to Disneyland.

But, he's with Ms. Poppins so that evens things out, right?

Minimum Age to Have a Baby?

My daughter has been asking all kinds of curious questions lately.

I’m not exactly sure what’s sparked the interest these past few weeks - maybe kids just get extra inquisitive towards the end of the school year. I keep wondering if, while they play around in the sand discuss things like, “What do you think Microsoft is going to do with Skype after the acquisition?” Or “What about those Medicare costs?” or maybe even, “Why doesn’t your Dad like the Beatles or Kevin Costner?”

All easily answerable, but yesterday she threw me through me off a bit:

Daughter: “Daddy, when can I have a baby?”

I stopped for a second, literally put my index finger to my chin, and looked up as if the answer where written somewhere on the ceiling.
My immediate thought was definitely not like most of my cousins on my biological mother’s side of the family – but we see them on occasion and that would be really awkward if she happened to say anything about that conversation.
While waiting she followed up with something more specific:

Daughter: “Like, how old do I have to be?"

Me: “At least 30. And you have to have graduated from college, have a good job, and be married to somebody I say is OK to marry. All in that order. Now let’s go get some ice cream!”

Then while eating Popsicles she asked why Daisy Dukes with bikinis on top melted Popsicles.

I told her it was Mommy’s turn to answer a question.

Explaining Taxes to Kids

Today, “tax day”, has to be my absolute least favorite day of the year.

I’ve loathed taxes since the late 80’s when I was around 16 years old. That’s the time when I got my first minimum wage paycheck after working nearly two weeks straight one summer.
I still remember that mysterious sealed blank white envelope. I ran home, smelled it, tore the thing open in excitement, held the magical piece of paper in the air in the direction of the sun to see the beautiful watermark (“Official Document”) only to be completely traumatized at how much the government and something called “FICA” took out. The check was less than $17.

That was the first day I truly swore. Not for minutes, but for days. Nothing cheered me up, not even my newly acquired Depeche Mode 101 CD.

Then being the good kid that I was, I listened to my great-grandmother (she lived through the great depression) and opened a savings account getting a paltry .002% interest rate. Honestly I think I had a better chance earning more by planting pennies in the ground and praying for rain on a leap year.
Given the unfortunate circumstances, I still somehow happened to earn something like $5 that year. And then months later I got something called a 1099 telling me that I was subject to taxes on the $5 bucks that I earned. That’s the year I started lending money to kids on the playground and charging a 30% interest with a pre-payment penalty "off-the-books." I didn’t ask for that life, taxes made me do it.

Yes, my contempt for taxes started early.

Please don’t try to tell me why taxes are good because you’ll be wrong. I’ve heard just about every reason why taxes are a respectable thing, “how are we going to pay for the sun?” “Taxes! That’s how!”
Honestly, at this point. I really don’t care. Ask me that when I’m all pale and begging, “I need sun! I need sun!” Maybe I’ll care then, but right now if I were on Facebook for real, I would be no fan of the IRS.

If I ever do get the opportunity to start my own country (the one with a planned KFC franchise on it) the first thing I would order, besides a double-down, is not to tax everything in the world. I would be a fair dictator and just tax the things I’m not fond of, like, Kevin Costner movies and Justin Bieber.

Tonight, while writing a check to pay even more taxes my daughter asked me, “Daddy? Why are you crying?” I replied, “Because if I don’t pay even more taxes, these really bad people called ‘the IRS’ will send me to Guantanamo Bay.”

Bonjour from Paris!

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted, but we’ve been busy these last 11 days.

The weather has been near perfect most of our trip, the place is MUCH cleaner and friendlier that I remember, the food is absolutely amazing, bringing the nanny along with the BEST idea ever, and the wine – oh the wine -- I’m now completely addicted to 2005 Bordeaux’s.

Oh and I’ve mastered the entire French language: I speak English in a heavy French accent while occasionally throwing in a French word or two – when English speakers ask me for directions.

Anyhow, here’s a small sampling of what we’ve been up to:

Jardin du Luxembourg (guess what happens when you walk on the grass? They shoot you)

Chateau de Versailles (It's HUGE. No wonder why they hung him. Note to self when I become king - don't flaunt the money, hide it in a big hole instead)

Sacré Coeur de Montmartre (used my heavy French accent many times here)

Notre Dame (no Football team here or Irish people boxing)Picnic on Seine/Bike ride in Giverny (wine, cheese, and... chips)
Claude Monet's garden at Giverny (he actually planted the place himself... and dug the pond with an old spoon)

Musée d'Orsay (This was once an old train station...and roller skating disco for 3 months in 1979)

Musée de l'Orangeries (Monet's waterlillies on the wall and no they don't sell Oranges)

Musée des Egouts (aka "sewer tour" – our nanny and my daughter wanted to go. It stunk really, really, really bad down there. I still threaten to send my daughter down there when she isn't behaving)

Moulin Rouge (Magicians, jugglers, live snakes & ponies, and topless women)"The" Louvre (how do you keep a 3-year old entertained for 5 hours in the largest museum in the world...?)

Disneyland Paris (...you bribe her with a trip here. I'm convinced that's why they built it)

France Miniature (see all of France in 3 hours... built out of Lego's and cheese)

More to come later... à plus tard!

Help! I Need Excuses – Fast

My daughter has asked for something that I’ve detested nearly my entire life. Something that I’ve always loathed because, in my view, it serves absolutely no purpose in this world but to aggravate, annoy, and destroy good tax-paying citizens like myself.
No it’s not Kevin Costner, the Beatles, or Mosquito’s - it’s a cat.

She wants one really bad. She’s been drawing pictures of herself and this non-existent kitty cat (called “princess pinkalicious”) frequently. In addition to the begging and pleading that she’ll feed it, tuck it into bed every night, clean up after it, and play with it every 5 minutes she’s offered to pay for it with her allowance/birthday/Christmas and 529 (now referred as ‘gambling fund’) money.
I woke up this morning to a huge smiling face staring at me saying, “I love you daddy!! Can I have a kitty cat PLEASE?!”
When I said ‘no’, she marched out upset and mumbled something about ‘Robbie at school will buy one for her’ (note to self: have a man-to-man with 4-year old Robbie tomorrow. Don’t shave or brush teeth.)

There’s no doubt in my mind that the wife is in on this too as she’s not doing or saying anything to prevent this behavior. She grew up with cats. Her mom had about 678 cats. Well not really, but some number really close to that.

My dislike for cats started back in 1979 when my babysitters’ cat tried to kill me. You heard me right - that chubby ugly cat walked right up to me, when Barbara was occupied on the phone, and told me “I will kill you when you least expect it.” Well, not those exact words, but it inferred it with those freaky looking spooky cat eyes. I never went back to that house again.

My dislike for them continued in 1996 when my roommate’s cat use to sit in front of the TV, when my roommate was gone, and say things like “I will kill you when you least expect it – Mr. Cuddles would have wanted that.” This time he did say it with a Russian accent. I would sleep with the door locked, only to hear him slowly scratching at it late at night like Freddy Krueger. That’s when I learned how to sleep with one eye open.

To this day I can walk into any pet shop and playful kittens will stop frolicking and in an instant stare at me as if saying, “I’ll cut you up, foo!”

Pure wicked evil sent from hell; that’s what those kittens/cats/demons are.


Excuses telling a child why they can’t have a pet (or in this case cat.)

1. Cats are reincarnated criminals and whole life insurance salesmen.
2. Cats have killed more people than all wars combined, plus a 100 million more.
3. If a cat bites you, you’ll turn into an ugly vampire and you’ll never be a princess.
4. Cats are friends with monsters and invite them over for drinks often.
5. Once a cat tastes human blood, it will keep feeding.
6. You can’t have a cat until you’re at least 65.
7. Big Bird use to have a little brother, but cats ate him.
8. Cats eat Fairies.
9. Cats are prone to alcoholism.
10. If you get a cat, you can’t have a unicorn.

It Was One HOT Labor Day And Adults That Swear Around Kids

It was 106-degrees in my neighborhood on Saturday. Want to know what that feels like?
Close your eyes and imagine shrinking down really small (to like Gary Coleman’s height.) Now imagine standing in your oven (next to that Velveeta casserole.)

I’m very thankful for modern inventions like air conditioning (thank you Easter Bunny...)
I think I took around 14 naps over the weekend. Or at least I tried when my daughter wasn’t asking me “Sleep Daddy? Daddy go night-night? (tap-tap-tap on my head)”

My wife didn’t get to take very many naps since she began graduate school last week. Man, do they know how to give homework – she had a 10 page minimum paper to do and then had to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop and then divide that by the national gross product of Brazil.

So to give the wife some study time on Monday, I took my daughter on a day-trip about an hour and a half away to my family’s labor day BBQ (it’s a good thing I was well-rested.) My daughter loves seeing my cousin’s kids; they’re all under the age of 7 and there’s like 60 of them (well, not really – only about 11 – but give them 2 or 3 years and I’m sure they'll hit 60…)
The only downside to my family’s get-togethers is that “the men” like to start arguing about why their “team” is better than everybody’s else’s after a few beers. And that usually leads to heated debates, lots of arguing, and a whole lot of swearing. This all happens when the kids are running around. But the guys don’t pay attention – you know because its football, and you better not say anything bad about their imaginary friends (disclosure – I’m not a sports guy, I wrote about it once here.)

Usually that language doesn't bother me, except around kids and at work. Adults should know better, but sadly some don't - I finally said “Hey Guys! The kids can hear you…. if my daughter starts swearing, I’m having her cuss you and your mama out first!”

They laughed, probably realizing who their audience was and calmed down. Then about 10 minutes later started yelling about the 59ers/Lakers/whatever game again. We left soon after.

What do you all of you do when people (friends, family, strangers) swear around your kids? Do you say something? Or maybe this doesn't bother you at all...

Welcome To California: Where It’s O.K. To Spank Your Spouse, Maid, Gardner, Neighbor, Waitress, Dog, Cat, But Not Your Kid

I guess I’m not surprised in a state like mine where smoking outdoors is banned because of global warming and lung cancer in birds, or something like that. There’s a new law being proposed out here banning parents from spanking their kids. Yes, really! It sounds jarring but it’s really directed at kids 3 and under. Which has me wondering when they’ll just expand it to all kids (they keep on referencing Sweden, which has a total ban on spanking, but ironically has no ban on picking up after your dog – I HATE that!)

Let me just say that I don’t spank my kid. At 18 months that’s ridiculous; but in a year or 3, if she happens to hold-up a 7-11 or takes the car out for a weekend joyride with the kiddies from Gymboree, well then, I’ll be happy to know that the option of spanking is there. I usually don’t talk politics but (standing on apple crate, national anthem begins…with waving flag behind me and a bald eagle named Julio on my arm…) I think the bored lawmakers are crossing the line again. I want the government to stay out of my house, out of my parenting, and out of people’s personal business. Yes, I know that there are extremes like you can’t eat your kid, or farm-raise puppies to sell in Ohio, but those are really uncommon and rare – you don’t build laws from the extremities. Passing laws like this is just pushing government more into the homes of “the common man” … (angelic choir ending…symbols ‘crashing’!)

The funny part? This (meddling) assemblywoman (Sally Lieber- Mountain View) introducing the bill isn’t even a parent. Hello?! (Should I pass laws telling middle-aged childless women how to live? I bet she wouldn’t like that, huh?) Her justification of passing such a thing is by using some really extreme examples of like 3 kids (out of what, 4 million in California?) being beaten by parents with tractors tires, tool shed steel doors, or something crazy like that. As if there aren’t any stringent child abuse or mandated reporting laws already in effect here.
But wait, there’s more! Like all laws, it does have a loophole. It exempts teachers and childcare workers. So if you want to spank your kid in California, hire a skilled professional – much like the mafia, or Brittany Spears.


You say you want more? If you live in California and want to write this assemblywoman, here’s the contact info. Here’s also the contact info for the “Governator” (Note: not for signing autographs on your “Buns of Steel” videos - although I can sign that for you…) Please remember, be respectful when writing to them. Keep it quick, short, and to the point -just like a real spank.