When Did Innocent Fairy Tale Costumes Get Trampy?

I’m beyond disturbed…

My daughter wanted to be Dorothy from Wizard of Oz this year because she saw some other girl her age wearing the costume and she’s a huge fan of the movie.
Well, only the singing parts of the movie she watches on YouTube. And she really likes the idea of carrying a Toto stuffed animal dog in a basket.

So of course when she asked, “Can I be Dorothy this year for Halloween?” We said, “sure, all right” that sounds pretty cute and innocent enough; it is a classic gem of a movie and it’s even got midgets and monkeys.
So I Googled it to look at some shopping options and to my surprise a whole lot of options came up for all ages.

From toddler

To elementary

And then this one was listed as teen

And then this...?!

Hells no! What kind of message is this sending to young girls when they’ve taken an innocent childhood character and have made a progression of her from toddler to lap dancer? I don't want ever want my daughter to see costumes like that which are suppose to be the same character as her.

They’ve even made a “sexy” Tin Man costume...


Seriously? The Tin MAN. The Tin Man is a MAN, not a sexy woman. Who designs this stuff?

What’s next “Elmo?” Oh, wait – they ALREADY MAKE ONE!


My advice for Halloween costume designers: sure, make sexy costumes for adult women, but stay off the characters that are made for kids. Don’t ruin fairytales and classic movies.

Some suggestions so workers in China can stay employed in the Halloween costume industry--

NOT OK: Dorothy, Belle, Jasmine, Snow White, etc.

OK: Sexy KFC Bucket of Chicken

28th Annual FREE Halloween Pumpkin Stencils

I really haven’t been creating these stencils that long, it just sounds much more dramatic.

This year was another tough one, trying to come up with some ideas that outshine my Lionel Richie and Colonel Sanders pumpkin stencils from past years.
In fact, this year I am making the KFC one again just because I FINALLY got a Colonel Harland Sanders costume after years of searching. And that’s not even the best part – my job paid for the costume, as I needed something impressive for a PR event.
The only thing that can outshine that is getting free popcorn chicken.

And if my wife let me dress our 18-month old son in a chicken costume.

Most of my designs this year come from reader requests and one from my daughter of her now favorite movie of all-time, “Xanadu”, a 1980 romantic musical fantasy roller-skating disco film with Olivia Newton John. Obviously her mother had NOTHING to do with that.

This year’s free pumpkin stencils (click to download):

Spiderman

Kira from Xanadu

Apple


Snow White and Apple


Transformers

Past year stencils are linked here: Lionel Richie, KFC Colonel Sanders, Peanuts/Linus and the Great Pumpkin, Princess and the Frog, Evil Queen, Fairy, Ninja, Star Wars: Chewbacca, Gary Coleman, Jack Skellington.

Use Disclaimer: I just ask that these be used non-commercially, and not used for T-shirts, sold items, as in Zazzle or Etsy type-places (seeing my fan art for sale on items without my knowledge or permission REALLY SUCKS.)
Please DO NOT reposted the art anywhere else. You may link to them on Facebook and such or print them out for personal use only.

Where Does The Time Go?

I know it’s been awhile, but it’s been getting harder finding the time to post these days.

In between the commotion at work, my daughter just starting 2nd grade, my son growing too fast, and all of the extra time I spend playing games on my “Fakebook” account -- my phony Facebook account where I’m a 72 year old bee farmer from Norway – there just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day anymore.

What I’ve been up to:

Screw the Environment – Wipe Your Butt!
My daughter started second grade this school year and they’ve been getting a little more environmentally conscious in the curriculum.
Things went a bit too far recently when after my daughter ran out of the bathroom and I asked, as I normally do, “did you wash your hands and wipe your butt?” she said, “No! That’s wasting trees and water!”

My Wife’s Mutant Chiropractor is on YouTube?
My wife started appointments with a “wholistic chiropractor” over the summer. I don’t like him. The guy is a freak and looks like a creepy, even more mutant, version of Wolverine.

She convinced me to go to one of his 3-hour seminars where he pretty much claimed he could cure anything from bad breath to preventing an asteroid hitting the earth through the magic of chiropractor arts and his adamantium hands.


16-Months Old With Super Chubby Legs and Cheeks
I have a problem. I can’t stop squeezing my sons cheeks and squeezing his chubby legs. I can’t help it, he’s squishy.

Questions To Ask a Prospective Nanny
We scrambled last month trying to find a new nanny for our kids as our last one decided she didn’t want to be a nanny anymore; she wanted to be a nail salon receptionist instead.
My daughter put together a few questions to add in the interview process...

1. What’s your favorite color and is it purple?
2. Do you have a cat and can you bring it with you because my Daddy won’t let me get one.
3. How often will you take me and my baby brother to Jamba Juice? (local smoothie place)
4. Have you ever seen [the movie] Xanadu?
5. What games do you have on your iPhone?
6. What would you name a horse that’s purple?

Hitting Rock-Bottom…
I recently let my gym membership expire after 10 years. I was going pretty consistently 4-5 times a week for years and was quite proud of myself, even to the point of doing a couple of 5K and 10K’s. But got burned out and with work, the kids, the fakebook games, everything else that going on, I didn’t rush to get another one. Until…

I was waiting for my wife in the car, while at her appointment with Wolverine, and an old gym friend walked and saw me stuffing my face with (delicious) KFC popcorn chicken and fries.

I signed up for another gym shortly thereafter. Then my wife said Wolverine offered to help cure my KFC addition.

A Letter from the Tooth Fairy

My daughter lost her first tooth this week and it was quite the historic occasion as it had been wiggling for nearly 2 weeks.

My wife and I finally had enough and just pulled the thing out. Which wouldn’t have been too bad if it weren’t for blood that appeared everywhere which, in turn, ended up completely freaking her out. She kept screaming while crying, “OH NO!!! I’m spilling BLOOD!!! Now vampires are going to EAT ME!!!”

Her ex-nanny was really into Twilight.

The drama was finally over after I calmly explained that vampires only live in the Seattle area, then she became excited wondering how much the tooth fairy was going to leave her.

Oh yeah…completely forgot about that part.

Her friends at school have told her that they’ve gotten anywhere between $2-10 a tooth, which I find a little much. In my day, I remember getting a quarter ($.25) and that was only if I didn’t swallow or lose it first. My wife on the other hand didn’t get any money, the tooth fairy in Ohio left her underwear and socks.
My daughter didn’t want underwear or socks, “just the money.”

I reassured her that there wasn’t anything to worry about as we don’t live in Ohio and we weren’t planning on moving there anytime soon.

“Good! That sounds like a bad place to lose a tooth” she replied with relief.

After she tucked her tooth behind the pillow and we kissed her goodnight she asked, “What does the tooth fairy do with all of the teeth anyway?”

“I don’t know? Maybe she’ll write you a letter...”

So after my wife and I negotiated and settled on a sum of $2, without addition of socks or underwear, she ran to the ATM and then stopped somewhere to get change while I was at home writing.

Here's the letter:

Dear Gillian,

My name is Natasha and I’ve been assigned to be your Tooth Fairy! Thank you for the shiny, well-brushed tooth. I can tell you’ve taken really good care of it. Because of its condition I have left $2.00 USD in its place.

In case you were wondering, most teeth go into the Tooth Fairy collection vault in the Tooth Fairy castle in the clouds where they are guarded by large white unicorns to keep vampires away. But sometimes special ones, like yours, are used for new babies.
Don’t worry! Your baby brother already has all of his baby teeth so he won’t be getting any of yours. That would be kind of gross, wouldn’t it? (LOL!)

I look forward to working with you. Next time leave freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

Sincerely,

Natasha
“Tooth Fairy #227”

P.S. I’m SO glad you don’t live in Ohio. The law there requires us to give underwear and socks instead of money.

And here's a printable Tooth Fairy letter in case you want to make one of your own..

(Click to print)

Summer Camp Ruined My Kids’ Career Ambitions

Tomorrow is my daughter’s last day of Summer Camp and for the most part it’s been a pretty good experience for her. Especially after spending that initial month with our visiting teenage niece from Ohio (read previous post for more on that.)

She’s made lots of new friends at Camp, her days have been filled with lots of activities and field trips to places that I am grateful they take her to so that I don’t have to.
Well just one place really, “Chuck E. Cheese’s” or as I like to call it, “Yuck E. Piece’s.”

When she came home after a field trip there she proudly announced, “Daddy, guess what? They built Chuck E. Cheese back after that fire you said burned it down! Hooray!!”

I keep wondering if she would believe it caught fire again.

Summer Camp has different themes daily and today was “When I grow up…” Day. The kids had to draw a picture of what they wanted to be when they grow up, then at the end of the day dress in that role and then talk about why they chose it.
So of course these were lots of Doctor’s, Astronauts, Football Players, Magicians, Singer’s, Musician’s, Teachers, Artists, etc.
My daughter held out her rolled picture of what she wanted to be and eagerly asked me to open it.
I kept wondering which of the many things it was as she’s had quite a career range these past few years: Artist (just like Daddy!), Ballerina, A Pink Truck (when she was nearly 3), Teacher, and most recently a Veterinarian.

Nope, none of it - she wants to be a cleaning lady:

(Actual drawing is on the wall at Camp, but will be posted… )

When I asked her what happened to a career in the field of Veterinarian arts, she said that she changed her mind because if a Tiger came in she would be scared and cry.

And cleaning ladies get to use vacuums, just like the ones they use in Summer Camp.

Seriously! Stop Growing…

It's that time of year again - my annual letter to my daughter on her birthday...

Happy 6th birthday Miss Bean! Or as you call yourself, “Gillian with a G” followed with hands on your hips.





Just a few things you did this past year that I’m going to remember forever:

• After your first day of Kindergarten announcing to your mother and I that you were changing your name to “Jessica.”
• Your immense love and affection for your baby brother and being his tour guide through life.
• Your imaginary sisters Sauna and Nana have grown up and you don’t need to talk to them as often as you once did.
• How amazing you did at your ballet recital.
• Starting school in Kindergarten, moving up to 1st grade work by November, and entering 2nd grade in the Fall. Remarkable and a bit frightening for me.



Your favorite things at this moment:

• Your new American Girl doll, “Jessica.”
• Loving the same movies as Mommy, from “Meet Me In St. Louis” to “Xanadu.”
• Reading to your baby brother and some of your stuffed animals too.
• Playing games on the iPad together.
• Horseback riding, ice skating, and golf lessons (phew!)
• Drawing together and making crafts/gifts for friends.
• Sleepovers with your friends and staying up ‘really late’, like 9:00.
• Your favorite restaurant, Souplantation, still!
• Doing volunteer work for kids in other countries.
• Making everything into a game from walking, to riding in the car or airplane, or just simply sitting somewhere.


On the morning of your birthday I’m always going to remember the first thing you said to your mother and I while running into our room “I’m 6! Can I get a dog and a cell phone now?!”


I’m going to miss the fun we had together when you were 5, but I’m looking forward to what new memories await us all at 6. 



Love,
 Daddy

A Summer to Remember and It's Not Even Half-Way Finished

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written, but lots of things have been going on. So far, it’s been a strange summer. Some good things are happening and some, well…challenging doesn’t even come close to describing it.

Why Me?
I had to lay somebody off from work today. It was probably the second worse day of my life as I’ve met his spouse and son many times at work. The guy isn’t a bad person either; he’s friendly and a hard worker. It’s just a matter of bad timing, his role, intense pressure from executive management, and a bad economy - which seems to be getting worse by the month.
Since my boss left earlier in the year and I stepped up to replace him leading a group of 28 I can’t help but wonder if I made the right decision. It sure seemed like the right one at the time with the team backing me up and the support of new executive management. Things seemed to be going really well for a few months - my projects were all in an upswing and morale seemed to be at a high. Then about 3 weeks ago finance jumped in and started asking me on multiple occasions to justify every single person for each project in the foreseeable future, on my already lean group.
So far, I’ve managed to save more than they’ve asked me to cut, which to some outside of my team is an absolute miracle compared to other groups.
But I keep wondering what other miracles I’m able to pull off in the next 12 months, especially when every business decision I make can end up costing a whole lot of jobs next year.
That pressure alone is breaking me.

A Test for Raising a Teenage Daughter
My 16-year-old niece is out visiting for a month from Ohio and has been watching my nearly 6-year-old daughter while out here. Within 3 days she made friends with nearly every single teenager within 6 blocks from our home. Maybe even further, I’m still trying to figure that out. My parent challenge started at day 3 when at 10PM at night she asked if she could go to a friends’ house to hangout. This was on a Thursday and 10PM at night. I asked whose house it was and then went over with her to talk to the neighbor, who we (thankfully) know. Other days, I come home and there are 4 kids in the house -thankfully, no boys – my rule.
Seems like most days she’s hanging out at the pool for 2-3 hours with friends and strange guys are texting her late at night or she’s getting free ice cream and such because she’s “made friends with the guys that work there.”

I swear, I do NOT want my daughter to ever be a teenager. As a Dad, my stomach turns worried whenever my niece is out.
I emailed with my brother-in-law a week ago and he said she’s the reason his hair has fallen out.
Overall, she’s a really sweet kid. Problem is I still see her as that 2, 3, 5-year old years ago… but just taller.

6 going on 16
My daughter turns 6 this weekend and because she’s been hanging out with her older cousin she’s now really into music by people I’ve never heard of - she really wants feathers in her hair like the other teenage girls around us and she’s asked if she could get a cell phone for her birthday.

I need a summer vacation.

OMG! I’m at E3!

In case you don’t know what's an "E3", let me inform you. That’s the big Electronic Entertainment Expo (aka, annual video game show) going on in downtown L.A. this week.
My wife was with me so it was a little awkward since it seemed as if about 4% of the attendees were woman, and about 2% of those women were so-called “booth babes” Translation – chicks dressed up in crazy costumes. So I heard a whole lot of, “what the heck is she wearing?” and, “I can literally see that woman’s butt cheeks.”

Of course I had to confirm. A few times.

This isn’t my first visit to this expo. Actually my first was way back in 1995 and it’s a little disappointing seeing that the vast majority of games still being featured are hard-core FPS “shoot them up’s” with zombie’s, rogue soldiers from the future, and chicks with augmented everything – obviously from selective radiation.
Very few games for families and the rest of the world on Facebook, iPhone, and iPad.

Anyhow, some things I came across:

I use to watch that TV series "Glee" (yeah, I know judge me...) but I don't anymore because the show just went downhill this year. The character "Coach BEAST" was making an appearance to say hello and maybe do a little dance number. Unfortunately I missed it because there were food trucks outside.

I'm a big fan of the Harry Potter series and I'm currently playing Lego Harry Potter years 1-4 on the iPad, which is a MUST if you have an iPad. I was thrilled to see years 4-7 coming out. No mention of when it'll be released on iPad/iPhone.


Nintendo looked as if they landed a spaceship in the building. I've never seen an exhibit this large before. It must have been the length of a football field! I'm only assuming because I actually don't know the true length of a football field. (If that statement come as a shock to you, please refer to my posting of, "Men are from Mars, In-Laws are from Uranus.")

Nintendo just announced something called a Wii-U, which was basically larger than an iPod Touch, not as big as an iPad, but connected to the TV, but it's going to be $250, and you can't use it away from the TV or it'll get angry and explode and then you'll have to spend another $250. But the most important takeaway was that the games weren't at all impressive. In fact, I had no idea why they put a screen on the little Wii-U when you're obviously looking at the TV.
I waited in line for a Wii years ago (refer to my post of "Being up at 5AM isn't what it used to be.") but it's evident I won't be waiting in line for this thing.

XBox Kinect is something I've heard a lot about, but have never actually seen or had interaction with. I've been avoiding it on purpose because quite honestly, I hate Microsoft. If they were a person, they would be Kevin Costner in Robin Hood (Worse. Movie. EVER.) But my mind has now somewhat changed. This Kinect business is pretty amazing! It literally does a pretty good job of tracking every single movement you do - and it shows your bad self on a little window in Airport Screener X-ray format. In a way, it was both creepy and playfully satisfying. I think we may end up getting one and I may end up getting a TSA costume too!

I have no idea what these things were running around in the entrance or what they were promoting. But would you believe me if I told you their butt cheeks were showing?

The Elvis Impersonator at My Son’s 1st Birthday Party

About 5 year’s ago, I wondered if my crazy vision of the ultimate 1st birthday party went a little too far when I hired an Elvis impersonator for my daughter’s 1st birthday party.
When I initially mentioned it to my wife she thought I went completely crazy – something I found ironic since she’s a huge Lionel Richie fan.

Nevertheless to my, and her, amazement Elvis was a huge success. Not only did the parents have fun, but the kids found him extremely entertaining too. They danced around, sang, and were all doing those weird Kung-Fu poses along with him.

It was pretty spectacular.

When the show was over and the guests were leaving, I distinctly remember telling myself, smiling proudly with my arms crossed, “Tony, you done good. Real good. Elvis is MUCH better than a clown, magician, or Bruce Lee impersonator any day.”

Fast forward to about a month ago when my wife asked me if I was going to call the same Elvis impersonator for our son’s 1st birthday party. I wondered – is this now a family tradition that every child from this time forward, generations ahead, should have Elvis at their 1st birthday?

I should hope so.

Last weekend Elvis came, Kunged-Fu’d, and raised the hypothetical roof once again. It was all even more spectacular the second time around.
Then when the show was over and all the guests were leaving, I smiled proudly with my arms crossed and began to tell myself one more time, “Tony, you done good…” the wife interrupted with, “do you think they have Lionel Richie impersonators?”

I hope not. Because that’s COMPLETELY crazy!

"Don't worry little buddy, Daddy will make sure this is a Lionel Richie free zone..."

Minimum Age to Have a Baby?

My daughter has been asking all kinds of curious questions lately.

I’m not exactly sure what’s sparked the interest these past few weeks - maybe kids just get extra inquisitive towards the end of the school year. I keep wondering if, while they play around in the sand discuss things like, “What do you think Microsoft is going to do with Skype after the acquisition?” Or “What about those Medicare costs?” or maybe even, “Why doesn’t your Dad like the Beatles or Kevin Costner?”

All easily answerable, but yesterday she threw me through me off a bit:

Daughter: “Daddy, when can I have a baby?”

I stopped for a second, literally put my index finger to my chin, and looked up as if the answer where written somewhere on the ceiling.
My immediate thought was definitely not like most of my cousins on my biological mother’s side of the family – but we see them on occasion and that would be really awkward if she happened to say anything about that conversation.
While waiting she followed up with something more specific:

Daughter: “Like, how old do I have to be?"

Me: “At least 30. And you have to have graduated from college, have a good job, and be married to somebody I say is OK to marry. All in that order. Now let’s go get some ice cream!”

Then while eating Popsicles she asked why Daisy Dukes with bikinis on top melted Popsicles.

I told her it was Mommy’s turn to answer a question.