Seriously! Stop Growing…

It's that time of year again - my annual letter to my daughter on her birthday...

Happy 6th birthday Miss Bean! Or as you call yourself, “Gillian with a G” followed with hands on your hips.





Just a few things you did this past year that I’m going to remember forever:

• After your first day of Kindergarten announcing to your mother and I that you were changing your name to “Jessica.”
• Your immense love and affection for your baby brother and being his tour guide through life.
• Your imaginary sisters Sauna and Nana have grown up and you don’t need to talk to them as often as you once did.
• How amazing you did at your ballet recital.
• Starting school in Kindergarten, moving up to 1st grade work by November, and entering 2nd grade in the Fall. Remarkable and a bit frightening for me.



Your favorite things at this moment:

• Your new American Girl doll, “Jessica.”
• Loving the same movies as Mommy, from “Meet Me In St. Louis” to “Xanadu.”
• Reading to your baby brother and some of your stuffed animals too.
• Playing games on the iPad together.
• Horseback riding, ice skating, and golf lessons (phew!)
• Drawing together and making crafts/gifts for friends.
• Sleepovers with your friends and staying up ‘really late’, like 9:00.
• Your favorite restaurant, Souplantation, still!
• Doing volunteer work for kids in other countries.
• Making everything into a game from walking, to riding in the car or airplane, or just simply sitting somewhere.


On the morning of your birthday I’m always going to remember the first thing you said to your mother and I while running into our room “I’m 6! Can I get a dog and a cell phone now?!”


I’m going to miss the fun we had together when you were 5, but I’m looking forward to what new memories await us all at 6. 



Love,
 Daddy

A Summer to Remember and It's Not Even Half-Way Finished

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written, but lots of things have been going on. So far, it’s been a strange summer. Some good things are happening and some, well…challenging doesn’t even come close to describing it.

Why Me?
I had to lay somebody off from work today. It was probably the second worse day of my life as I’ve met his spouse and son many times at work. The guy isn’t a bad person either; he’s friendly and a hard worker. It’s just a matter of bad timing, his role, intense pressure from executive management, and a bad economy - which seems to be getting worse by the month.
Since my boss left earlier in the year and I stepped up to replace him leading a group of 28 I can’t help but wonder if I made the right decision. It sure seemed like the right one at the time with the team backing me up and the support of new executive management. Things seemed to be going really well for a few months - my projects were all in an upswing and morale seemed to be at a high. Then about 3 weeks ago finance jumped in and started asking me on multiple occasions to justify every single person for each project in the foreseeable future, on my already lean group.
So far, I’ve managed to save more than they’ve asked me to cut, which to some outside of my team is an absolute miracle compared to other groups.
But I keep wondering what other miracles I’m able to pull off in the next 12 months, especially when every business decision I make can end up costing a whole lot of jobs next year.
That pressure alone is breaking me.

A Test for Raising a Teenage Daughter
My 16-year-old niece is out visiting for a month from Ohio and has been watching my nearly 6-year-old daughter while out here. Within 3 days she made friends with nearly every single teenager within 6 blocks from our home. Maybe even further, I’m still trying to figure that out. My parent challenge started at day 3 when at 10PM at night she asked if she could go to a friends’ house to hangout. This was on a Thursday and 10PM at night. I asked whose house it was and then went over with her to talk to the neighbor, who we (thankfully) know. Other days, I come home and there are 4 kids in the house -thankfully, no boys – my rule.
Seems like most days she’s hanging out at the pool for 2-3 hours with friends and strange guys are texting her late at night or she’s getting free ice cream and such because she’s “made friends with the guys that work there.”

I swear, I do NOT want my daughter to ever be a teenager. As a Dad, my stomach turns worried whenever my niece is out.
I emailed with my brother-in-law a week ago and he said she’s the reason his hair has fallen out.
Overall, she’s a really sweet kid. Problem is I still see her as that 2, 3, 5-year old years ago… but just taller.

6 going on 16
My daughter turns 6 this weekend and because she’s been hanging out with her older cousin she’s now really into music by people I’ve never heard of - she really wants feathers in her hair like the other teenage girls around us and she’s asked if she could get a cell phone for her birthday.

I need a summer vacation.

OMG! I’m at E3!

In case you don’t know what's an "E3", let me inform you. That’s the big Electronic Entertainment Expo (aka, annual video game show) going on in downtown L.A. this week.
My wife was with me so it was a little awkward since it seemed as if about 4% of the attendees were woman, and about 2% of those women were so-called “booth babes” Translation – chicks dressed up in crazy costumes. So I heard a whole lot of, “what the heck is she wearing?” and, “I can literally see that woman’s butt cheeks.”

Of course I had to confirm. A few times.

This isn’t my first visit to this expo. Actually my first was way back in 1995 and it’s a little disappointing seeing that the vast majority of games still being featured are hard-core FPS “shoot them up’s” with zombie’s, rogue soldiers from the future, and chicks with augmented everything – obviously from selective radiation.
Very few games for families and the rest of the world on Facebook, iPhone, and iPad.

Anyhow, some things I came across:

I use to watch that TV series "Glee" (yeah, I know judge me...) but I don't anymore because the show just went downhill this year. The character "Coach BEAST" was making an appearance to say hello and maybe do a little dance number. Unfortunately I missed it because there were food trucks outside.

I'm a big fan of the Harry Potter series and I'm currently playing Lego Harry Potter years 1-4 on the iPad, which is a MUST if you have an iPad. I was thrilled to see years 4-7 coming out. No mention of when it'll be released on iPad/iPhone.


Nintendo looked as if they landed a spaceship in the building. I've never seen an exhibit this large before. It must have been the length of a football field! I'm only assuming because I actually don't know the true length of a football field. (If that statement come as a shock to you, please refer to my posting of, "Men are from Mars, In-Laws are from Uranus.")

Nintendo just announced something called a Wii-U, which was basically larger than an iPod Touch, not as big as an iPad, but connected to the TV, but it's going to be $250, and you can't use it away from the TV or it'll get angry and explode and then you'll have to spend another $250. But the most important takeaway was that the games weren't at all impressive. In fact, I had no idea why they put a screen on the little Wii-U when you're obviously looking at the TV.
I waited in line for a Wii years ago (refer to my post of "Being up at 5AM isn't what it used to be.") but it's evident I won't be waiting in line for this thing.

XBox Kinect is something I've heard a lot about, but have never actually seen or had interaction with. I've been avoiding it on purpose because quite honestly, I hate Microsoft. If they were a person, they would be Kevin Costner in Robin Hood (Worse. Movie. EVER.) But my mind has now somewhat changed. This Kinect business is pretty amazing! It literally does a pretty good job of tracking every single movement you do - and it shows your bad self on a little window in Airport Screener X-ray format. In a way, it was both creepy and playfully satisfying. I think we may end up getting one and I may end up getting a TSA costume too!

I have no idea what these things were running around in the entrance or what they were promoting. But would you believe me if I told you their butt cheeks were showing?

The Elvis Impersonator at My Son’s 1st Birthday Party

About 5 year’s ago, I wondered if my crazy vision of the ultimate 1st birthday party went a little too far when I hired an Elvis impersonator for my daughter’s 1st birthday party.
When I initially mentioned it to my wife she thought I went completely crazy – something I found ironic since she’s a huge Lionel Richie fan.

Nevertheless to my, and her, amazement Elvis was a huge success. Not only did the parents have fun, but the kids found him extremely entertaining too. They danced around, sang, and were all doing those weird Kung-Fu poses along with him.

It was pretty spectacular.

When the show was over and the guests were leaving, I distinctly remember telling myself, smiling proudly with my arms crossed, “Tony, you done good. Real good. Elvis is MUCH better than a clown, magician, or Bruce Lee impersonator any day.”

Fast forward to about a month ago when my wife asked me if I was going to call the same Elvis impersonator for our son’s 1st birthday party. I wondered – is this now a family tradition that every child from this time forward, generations ahead, should have Elvis at their 1st birthday?

I should hope so.

Last weekend Elvis came, Kunged-Fu’d, and raised the hypothetical roof once again. It was all even more spectacular the second time around.
Then when the show was over and all the guests were leaving, I smiled proudly with my arms crossed and began to tell myself one more time, “Tony, you done good…” the wife interrupted with, “do you think they have Lionel Richie impersonators?”

I hope not. Because that’s COMPLETELY crazy!

"Don't worry little buddy, Daddy will make sure this is a Lionel Richie free zone..."

Minimum Age to Have a Baby?

My daughter has been asking all kinds of curious questions lately.

I’m not exactly sure what’s sparked the interest these past few weeks - maybe kids just get extra inquisitive towards the end of the school year. I keep wondering if, while they play around in the sand discuss things like, “What do you think Microsoft is going to do with Skype after the acquisition?” Or “What about those Medicare costs?” or maybe even, “Why doesn’t your Dad like the Beatles or Kevin Costner?”

All easily answerable, but yesterday she threw me through me off a bit:

Daughter: “Daddy, when can I have a baby?”

I stopped for a second, literally put my index finger to my chin, and looked up as if the answer where written somewhere on the ceiling.
My immediate thought was definitely not like most of my cousins on my biological mother’s side of the family – but we see them on occasion and that would be really awkward if she happened to say anything about that conversation.
While waiting she followed up with something more specific:

Daughter: “Like, how old do I have to be?"

Me: “At least 30. And you have to have graduated from college, have a good job, and be married to somebody I say is OK to marry. All in that order. Now let’s go get some ice cream!”

Then while eating Popsicles she asked why Daisy Dukes with bikinis on top melted Popsicles.

I told her it was Mommy’s turn to answer a question.

Babyproofing the Baby

It wasn’t until this past Easter weekend when my 11-month old son started getting into the trash, pulling over chairs, and pretty much anything else that’s about 24 inches from the floor that I realized I’ve gotten pretty laid-back about “babyproofing” the house.

My wife and I are nowhere as scared with the second kid as we were with the first. With our daughter we pretty much babyproofed 99.9% of the house with about every gadget or contraption possible that placed panic or fear on us. It’s hard to believe that at one time, it was possible to run through our house, with shiny scissors, drunk, on fire, and not get hurt.

Yes, those were the days where we would take some serious trips to the local “Baby’s R Us” and head straight for the new parent “fear-gear” aisle and pretty much fill the cart with gadgets, padding, industrial-grade airbags, and Houdini locks worried that if we didn’t cover every corner of the house…. the refrigerator might somehow get accidentally pulled over and kill the entire neighborhood.

How were we to know? The packages they came in or some article we read might of sited some study that proved “million’s of baby’s” were tragically killed from falling refrigerators on the Fourth of July.

It wasn’t until we gained experience with our first and couldn’t open anything ourselves for actual use or enjoyment, and looked like we ran a padded home for crazy people, that we realize how truly stupid those things were.

Now a bit wiser in the ways of parenthood, I realize now that there’s only really one true way to babyproof a house:

Use lots of duct tape.

A Magical Birthday and My iPad 2 with a few ‘Apps for Kids’ Disappears…

To be honest, I was not looking forward to my birthday this year. I mean this past year alone has been the absolute worst health-wise, ever!
A horrible case of chicken pox last summer that left me out of commission for nearly 5 weeks and destroyed my immune system. Multiple cardiologist visits and tests, and then a ‘bout with pneumonia a few weeks ago …it’s just all downright depressing.
Getting old is freaking me out so much now that I find myself always wondering, “What’s going to happen to me this year?” I’ve never been like that.

Some observant friends caught on to this suspicious behavior of mine and invited my wife and I to the Magic Castle in Hollywood to celebrate my birthday. It really was a great start on a road to recovery of some sort.
If you’ve never heard of this place, it’s basically a real-life Hogwarts, except this castle was founded in the 1960’s, not 9th century, with cheesy decorations, and magicians not wizards roaming around entertaining cocktail-attired guests. And maybe about 10 bars just about every 50 feet from each other.
I’m sure if Harry had gone to school there, he would have one serious drinking problem.

The other component of a recovery was getting an iPad 2, with one of those nifty magnetic magical covers on it for my birthday!
I never really understood the full use of this thing – is it taking over the place of my laptop or my iPhone? And I didn’t get one last year because I learned my lesson from buying a 1st generation iPhone in 2007, the 2nd version was 4 times cooler than the original.
I’ve now come to find out that the iPad basically took over all of the time I did read an actual book or maybe magazine before going to bed and even the little TV I did watch. I literally watch no traditional TV anymore (Hulu yes!)

The other 90% when the thing is on my daughter has it. She’s basically taken over the device - desktop, created folders, has her Pandora stations, Netflix streaming set up to watch Scooby Doo, Spongebob, and Strawberry Shortcake. She’s 5! Not even 6 quite yet.

Although, my wife did help her set up YouTube to old musical numbers, and of course, she’s been playing that crazy Smurf game. I swear Apple is marketing to the wrong demographic for this thing - it should really be kids.
The thing is MUCH better than getting a kid a laptop/computer, as in parental controls, and knowing what they’re playing with. And the games/apps I’ve found for it have been incredible. Loads of quality educational, creative, and learning stuff that’s pretty cheap in price.
We were considering getting her a Leapfrog Leapster or even a DS for her upcoming birthday, but that’s pretty much out the door now since those cartridges cost so much ($20-40) and a much better equivalent app in iTunes from $0 to $6.

Some iPad apps I’ve found, so far, to be great for kids (5-7-ish):

1. Math Bingo
2. TeachMe Kindergarten/1st Grade
3. StoryPatch
4. Drawing Pad
5. Learning to Draw is Fun
6. Read Me Stories
7. Toy Story Read Along
8. Angry Birds RIO
9. Fruit Ninja HD
10. Toontastic
11. Sock Puppets
12. Pocket Frogs
13. WordSearch Star Free
14. MathGirl Number Garden (iPhone app running on iPad)
15. Albert HD
16. Stack the States
17. Netflix
18. NASA App HD
19. Smurfs (my daughter insisted I put that on my list, just make sure you turn in-App purchases OFF. Settings/General/Restrictions, “Enable Restrictions”, In-App purchases “OFF.”)

Now that my daughter is finally asleep, I can finally play Words with Friends HD! By the way, if you play I’m “GjertsonB”…

When Everything Seems to be Falling Apart…

There’s just something odd about getting really sick just before a birthday…

I was out of commission for a while with severe pneumonia. If you’ve never had it, consider yourself lucky because it just downright “sucks.”
From the loads of medications they put me on, to the weird feeling of pins in my chest while breathing, to waking up at 3:00AM completely awake and seeing (and sometimes looking forward to watching) “Saved by the Bell: The College Year’s” for an entire week -- it was just all enough to outright freak me out.

The entire experience was all a bit ironic as one long time friend was just diagnosed with leukemia last November, but is thankfully on the mend, and another had pneumonia nearly a year ago and was even hospitalized for it.
I remember thinking on those occasions – “Wow! When did we get so old that stuff like this can just happen seemingly out of nowhere?” I’m not even 40 yet! What’s going to happen then? Hair loss and maybe my colon falls out when enjoying a KFC Sunday bucket?

God, I hope not. I just want to enjoy my chicken in peace.

Now I’m wondering when we’re all at the point when we’re comparing war stories with each other of how many meds we’re on, how many days we’ve been hospitalized in just the past 6 months, and who can shoot lasers out of their eyes with all of the robotic pieces inside of them.

Come to think of it, I really wouldn’t mind laser-shooting eyes. That would actually be kind of cool.

So tell me folks, what ails have you had and lived to tell about? But most importantly did Zack and Kelly ever get married?

MISSING: My Daughter’s 2 Imaginary Friends!

A funny thing happened when my son was born 9 months ago - my daughter’s 2 longtime colorful imaginary friends, “Sauna and Nana” just sort of disappeared.

I’m actually a little sad about this discovery because I really enjoyed hearing their stories of globetrotting the world in an instant. Their superhuman abilities to stay up late every night and never get tired or cranky. Their super advanced skin that never required bathing and could still remain cleaner than a sink. Their mysterious ability to eat candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but still have spotless teeth and a thriving immune system.

I was even fond of their parents, Chuck and Doris (I swear she made those up on her own) but sadly never had a chance to meet because they worked for all sorts of famous people like, the Wiggles, the Doodlebops, Lionel Richie, and as of last year Justin Bieber.

When I inquired as to their whereabouts at dinner tonight my daughter said with confidence that the last time she saw them they were going to get candy in Paris but never came home.

Maybe they got lost in Ohio?

So I put together this MISSING IMAGINARY FRIENDS poster hoping we could find them:

"Missing Imaginary Friends Poster" (click to print)

And since we’re looking for Sauna and Nana, my daughter was hoping to find her MISSING UNICORN she lost last year at IKEA as well:

"Missing Unicorn Poster" (click to print)

And since we’re open to helping friends, I hear Lionel could use some help too:

Are you looking for Lionel Richie?
"Hello, Is it me you're looking for?" (click to print)

When you give a 5-year old an iPhone…

She’ll ask for some games just like the ones on the phones of her friends’ parent’s.

She’ll play a game called “Smurfs' Village” and “accidently” buy $10 worth of Smurberries because her father just downloaded the game for her 10 minutes earlier.

After awhile she’ll ask for more Smurfberries so Smurfette can have a house to live in.

He’ll say “no” approximately fifty times and ask what happened to the other Smurfberries.

She’ll stop asking because she’s discovered Angry Birds. Then she’ll ask him to buy the Mighty Eagle that some kid told her about.

Her father will say “no” approximately fifty more times.

Then she’ll discover the phone’s camera and take about 2,000 pictures in roughly 30 minutes with a Polaroid app called “Shake-it Photo” primarily because she has to shake the pictures to see them.

Her father finds them entertaining, chooses a few to post, and attach titles to them.

“The Day the World was Photographed after I bought $10 Worth of Smurfberries”

"Victims of the housing crisis"

"Excessive Neighbor Girl"

"School Reform Bear"

"Stinky Blanket"

"Angry Elephant waiting for iPad 2"

Then the 5-year old went to bed, but before she lays her hear down she'll ask her father to harvest her Smurfs' village potatoes while she's asleep.